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Signs of Dysphoria?

Started by Jason C, March 30, 2014, 10:17:25 AM

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Jason C

So, I was wondering if anyone here could perhaps list some signs of dysphoria that are not the typical, extreme stuff, like hating certain body parts and etc. Some of the more mild or less obvious forms of dysphoria, I guess. Because I never truly had that kind of dysphoria, really. There are a few things I can remember that some people have said might count as dysphoria, but I don't even know. So what are the less obvious forms of dysphoria that you can think of?
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Nero

Having a disconnect with gendered forms of address, such as sir or ma'am (though some women dislike ma'am anyway).

Feeling discomfort when people say things like 'Men are __, women are __, etc' because you don't fit what they're saying or feel the opposite. Though this could just be dislike of gender stereotypes.

Feeling like your birth sex misrepresents who you are inside in an extreme way (more than just discomfort with gender roles).

But these are all things some cis people may feel to some degree as well.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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MbutF

To me personally, it's my mind feeling one way, and my body reacting in another way, it can range from mild annoyance to disgust. This started happening when I 'matured', I didn't feel this way when I was 8 or 10 , back then as far as I can remember, it was mostly gender roles and looks. Now, It's like I 'turn on' in the wrong places. I'm trying to keep it family friendly here.  ;D

feel free to PM me, if you need more detail.

As for milder stuff, I don't know. For me, I have a hard time looking at girls because they remind me of my own 'shortcomings'. (if that's mild). When someone says they like me based on how I present myself to them, and not what I am inside, and I feel bad because I feel like I'm some kind of 'spy' who's gonna betray them eventually.

I don't know, I can't think of anything else that doesn't fall into stereotypes.






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Erik Ezrin

Once I 'matured' and got into puberty and stuff, I was really shocked. I didn't want my breasts to grow (They listened when I said they had to stop! Cause they stayed rather small too! :)) or get periods (I hid it for three days the first time, until my mom found out). I was late with them, at my 14th I still didn't have them, and when a GP expressed her concern I was extremely annoyed, cause I was HAPPY with it.
But I'm not sure whether this isn't just normal for all girls. I don't know whether there is even ONE happy with periods! Lol!

And since puberty I really started to feel disconnected from my body. I stopped caring for it properly (like not washing enough, not applying deo (God, I must have smelled so bad! Lol), not treating the acne on my face but picking at it, eating lots of unhealthy stuff, just because I didn't care). It felt to me like it wasn't 'my' body. I didn't feel proud or happy to show it to the world, and I would usually wear way-too-big pants and sweaters and never less than a t-shirt and shorts unless for taking a shower.
I also played lots of MMORPG games (in which I was always a guy. Not even consciously, it just 'felt better') and read a lot of books (not necessarily unhealthy, lol :P but it was a method of escapism for me) and got quite absorbed into them to the point of neglecting everything else.
Not sure whether these are dysphoria signs, I didn't interpret them as such at the time anyway, but right now I think the underlying cause of these problems might actually have been gender dysphoria. Especially the feeling of being 'disconnected' from your own body, like it's 'not yours'.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" -Kurt Cobain

My fb art page; https://www.facebook.com/BellaKohlerArt
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Jason C

Thanks for the replies :)

Erik, I get what you mean about the breasts thing. Mine were so tiny, and I used to get picked on about it, and I was just laughing inside because I was thrilled that they were so tiny. Since then I've put on weight, so they've gotten bigger, and that's when I started feeling genuinely unhappy about them. They even feel physically foreign, it's a weird feeling to me.

But yeah, I ask because I never had anything that was obviously dysphoria during my childhood like most trans people do, so I was wondering if I was missing something. Because I always hated myself, but I don't know if any of it was dysphoria.
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suzifrommd

I wished I could have a female body. I had an intense curiosity about anything female or feminine. Friendships with women were fulfilling, friendships with men seemed sort of hollow. I was comfortable around women, being around men made me uncomfortable. I was weirdly drawn to books, movies and music written for women.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Erik Ezrin

Jason, at a certain moment in my mid-teens I actually really tried to be feminine and all. I felt great about my small chest, but because everybody was bullying me for being such a tomboy (and then also not having boobs and refusing to shave my legs), calling me "it" and all, asking me whether I am a boy or girl all the time (and they knew! It wasn't a question out of genuine curiosity). The girls would exclude me from their groups, because I was a "boy" and the guys would exclude me from their groups because I was a "girl". I couldn't go to any toilet, cause if a girl saw me in the girl's she'd make a big fuss and shout there's a boy in the girl's toilet (and they always knew), and if I would go to the boys toilet people would say "Hey! What's a girl doing in the boy's?". It was very annoying, I basically couldn't live as ANYTHING, and thus I adapted myself eventually, grow out my hair and wear slightly more feminine clothes (still not pink stuff, but not clothes from the boy's area in stores anymore), and I even started hating my masculine appearance and small boobs, etc. but later when I stopped giving a ->-bleeped-<- about other people's opinions and became more my own person I dropped all of it immediately again, cut my hair, threw out the 'feminine' stuff, lol. And it felt much better right away. Then I started finally opening up for my desire to be masculine, finding out how deep it really went, how strong it was, etc. and I soon felt I didn't just want to be a "tomboy" but a BOY. It still took a lot of time until I dared to express that feeling openly, because I had repressed it for so long.

Also just give it some time. You'll notice soon enough what's right for you ;) my first step was embracing I was transgender, but still keeping the "Maybe I don't need transition" thought. With that I started accepting I am a guy on the inside, and when I embraced that more and more... well, there's no putting the genie back in the bottle. In time you will know, and if you are still confused you can always go see a gender therapist for more help/advice.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" -Kurt Cobain

My fb art page; https://www.facebook.com/BellaKohlerArt
My DA art page; http://asrath.deviantart.com/
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