I know what you mean as far as the hurt from just seeing women being women. It's a terrible feeling. I've fought the desire to transition until now, and am still not sure if I will transition. I'm in a different situation. My life hasn't really started yet; I have a disposable job, not many relationships, or commitments - so as far as that goes, I'm in a great spot. I'm just not sure if my height, hand size, and skeletal structure will permit it. I know I'd like to transition, desperately, but I'm afraid of becoming that woman on the train who gets laughed at.
I can say this; I feel that I'm starting to understand dysphoria better, or at least mine. Often times it gets worse with age. I was content with hiding for a long time, but recently I've gotten to a point where I just can't help but think of transitioning constantly - and it is getting worse. My biggest regret at this point is that I allowed the potential reactions of others to cloud my vision and I sort of threw away part of my life. It really does feel like I need to transition, despite my being apprehensive about passing, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to fight it or if I even want to fight it.
I keep seeing users saying "it's your own personnel journey," and that is what it's starting to feel like. Sounds cliché, but just do what your heart tells you; take note of what the brain says, but be wary, sometimes the brain is overrated...
