I started HRT in February and was a C cup by early May, at which point I ended up telling supervisors at work and moving up the date to transition there (I'd planned on August, but was full-time by the beginning of June). It's *not* recommended to use a binder on growing breast tissue as it can damage your breasts, so my choices were basically to try increasingly unsuccessfully to hide things or give up and come out.  (I'm a 42DDD now, and was at least a 42D by the end of that year, so I wasn't going to be able to keep hiding.)

However, while I *was* keeping them under wraps, I had the most luck wearing a constrictive sports bra under a loose T-shirt with another loose overshirt over that. It managed to mostly conceal the shape, so that I looked like I was gaining weight all over instead of sticking out in the chest.


Also, although it was the boobs that drove me to reveal to people, I found out later that rumors had been going around at work that I was sick - my lower body shape and face had changed so drastically so fast that the general reaction was "thank goodness it's not something serious!" when my coworkers all found out.

Hi Nattie,

Stealth on HRT??? Yes, it is pretty easy to do.  Other changes may out you before breasts though.  You may feel you have triple Ds but they really aren't very big to the casual observer.  It depends a bit on just what your male markers are.  Voice is a huge thing along with hair and face changes.  Face is the only one of those impacted by HRT much.  I have a deepish voice and am reasonably bald, both huge male markers.  To those who know me, putting a wig on is "the thing".  To others, it takes more.  Subtle changes over time are missed by those close to us but can be evident to strangers.

Think about what the reaction would be if your voice or hair style changed to become very feminine.  You could be flat chested with a 5 o'clock shadow and be recognised as female, or at least seen as having something "not quite right".

I have just finished my last Melbourne summer presenting male.  My breasts are visible and growing so next summer just isn't going to work.  I may even begin to enjoy summer.  I work in an office that requires business-casual (whatever that really is).  Light coloured shirts are now pretty much out.  Slim fit are now gone too.  Actually I still wear one shirt that shows them clearly and nobody comments!! I wear fitting singlets more to cover my nipples but that too is a fail! 

Electrolysis and my face don't really agree.  I appeared at work every Monday - Wednesday for 2 years looking like I was suffering from a horrible skin disease and it was NEVER mentioned!!!  I am looking a bit yukky today after yesterday's session but as I am almost finished, it isn't as bad as it used to be as the offending hairs are spread out.

At last...my point.  People just don't seem to comment even if they notice.  I am a manager in a specialist team and I am 51 (until tomorrow) so there isn't going to be a lot of mischief.  Out and about though, I get looks and that is about all.  Thought someone was staring yesterday at the shops but they were actually looking past me!!  Don't need to get too paranoid!  Half the time I just forget and get on with my day.

I have been on HRT for almost 6 months.  I have always gone to both the psychiatrist and psychologist in my work attire (mens suit) and it doesn't seem to make any difference. They have never mentioned it at all.  Voice therapy has been in andro-ish jeans and T shirts (all female) but without hair.  They didn't care either.  I even went into the Myer cosmetics dept last week in work clothes and my balding male head and was sat down and different foundation and concealer colours applied in the middle of the lunchtime rush!  Loved it and very pleased with myself that I enjoyed it.  Progress .  My office is only across the road too so the chance of colleagues wandering by is reasonably high.  Didn't think of that at the time though!


Much of this is between our ears and even if it isn't, our approach to dealing with it is also.  Being in transition will be awkward. We can't expect otherwise.





   

Quote from: EmmaD on April 05, 2014, 06:48:45 PM
Hi Nattie,

Stealth on HRT??? Yes, it is pretty easy to do.  Other changes may out you before breasts though.  You may feel you have triple Ds but they really aren't very big to the casual observer.  It depends a bit on just what your male markers are.  Voice is a huge thing along with hair and face changes.  Face is the only one of those impacted by HRT much.  I have a deepish voice and am reasonably bald, both huge male markers.  To those who know me, putting a wig on is "the thing".  To others, it takes more.  Subtle changes over time are missed by those close to us but can be evident to strangers.

Think about what the reaction would be if your voice or hair style changed to become very feminine.  You could be flat chested with a 5 o'clock shadow and be recognised as female, or at least seen as having something "not quite right".

I have just finished my last Melbourne summer presenting male.  My breasts are visible and growing so next summer just isn't going to work.  I may even begin to enjoy summer.  I work in an office that requires business-casual (whatever that really is).  Light coloured shirts are now pretty much out.  Slim fit are now gone too.  Actually I still wear one shirt that shows them clearly and nobody comments!! I wear fitting singlets more to cover my nipples but that too is a fail! 

Electrolysis and my face don't really agree.  I appeared at work every Monday - Wednesday for 2 years looking like I was suffering from a horrible skin disease and it was NEVER mentioned!!!  I am looking a bit yukky today after yesterday's session but as I am almost finished, it isn't as bad as it used to be as the offending hairs are spread out.

At last...my point.  People just don't seem to comment even if they notice.  I am a manager in a specialist team and I am 51 (until tomorrow) so there isn't going to be a lot of mischief.  Out and about though, I get looks and that is about all.  Thought someone was staring yesterday at the shops but they were actually looking past me!!  Don't need to get too paranoid!  Half the time I just forget and get on with my day.

I have been on HRT for almost 6 months.  I have always gone to both the psychiatrist and psychologist in my work attire (mens suit) and it doesn't seem to make any difference. They have never mentioned it at all.  Voice therapy has been in andro-ish jeans and T shirts (all female) but without hair.  They didn't care either.  I even went into the Myer cosmetics dept last week in work clothes and my balding male head and was sat down and different foundation and concealer colours applied in the middle of the lunchtime rush!  Loved it and very pleased with myself that I enjoyed it.  Progress .  My office is only across the road too so the chance of colleagues wandering by is reasonably high.  Didn't think of that at the time though!


Much of this is between our ears and even if it isn't, our approach to dealing with it is also.  Being in transition will be awkward. We can't expect otherwise.

Thanks for that, it helps me a lot to know there are so many women going through this locally as well, though I suppose it shouldn't make a difference. I go past the myer in the city all the time, haha.

I'm really confused atm because now that I've become accustomed somewhat to the culture, reading through peoples posts here, and seeing so many youtube video transitions and documentaries, reading endlessly about it (its all I think about atm, I'm struggling to work haha) it is much easier for me to be me, but I have to remember that everybody I know isn't on the same path to self-acceptance that I am. I'm being desensitized to it, but honestly, before I accepted myself, my reaction to people like 'Lana' Wachowski coming out, or Eddie Izzard cross dressing, was right there with the norm. It's weird, it's strange, and it isn't normal, and I have to remember that's the mindset everyone else will come at me with. I wish everyone could be as accepting as all of you beautiful souls.

Yesterday my friend asked me why I seemed 'gay' in not so many words, and I shrugged and laughed, whereas in the past I would have given him a lot of male ->-bleeped-<- over it, trying to convince him of my manhood. This morning I've been dancing to aqua and no doubt while making breakfast, in very feminine ways, while singing in the singers key, instead of dropping octave as I'd usually do if... somehow... that kind of music was turned on (I would sing it begrudgingly to outward appearance). I am transitioning and I'm not even on HRT yet, and I'm not sure how much I'd want to hide this, because it feels so natural, but at the same time, I'm just afraid that my family and friends will condemn me. Stealth is seeming like a less appealing option but it  would be 'just for everyone else', as far as I'm concerned, I'm just waiting on the hormones and the hair to grow out haha.

It helps to know that when I need to, I could present as a man and probably get away with it, even with a somewhat fem appearance, and maybe even with breasts. ^^

Quote from: provizora2 on April 05, 2014, 06:56:42 AM
I am at Charing. I was there two days ago for a surgical referral so I know their process well. What they want is for you to commence the PROCESS of transition. Change your name, start to change records like bank records, NHS records and start to come out to people. They expect you to document these changes. They do not care what you wear. Having said that if you turn up for your hormone appointment with a beard to your belly-button and bovver boots then do not expect things to go well.

RLE is really about starting the process of change and making the commitment to YOURSELF. No one is expecting you to turn up in a glittery frock, 6" heels and blonde wig. You could "dress as female" by wearing ladies' trousers and a plain blouse and 99.9% of people would not even notice but you would know and it is an easy first step on the process.

At some point you have to face the world. Wait long enough and the hormones will get you to the "weird" stage where you are neither one thing or the other and neither gender role will work. You need to be ready for this. There will not be a magic day where you wake up looking passable. It happens slowly and you need to be prepared for that.

omg thats a big relief for me at the moment i do go out in female clothes but not skirts or dresses and all that i go out looking more androgynous i wear makeup but not crap loads it looks natural and people say how much better i look  and I've already started working on removing my body and facial hair along with growing my hair out so i don't have to wear a wig for long and I've already come out to my family and friends not how i wanted to but they all know id like the HRT to show changes before i go full time but if i went full time before HRT were i live i would get beaten up or worse its not really a nice place to live even if your a cis gendered male or female. and for the time when i won't look either gender is just a step we all have to take and I'm not looking forward to it but i know i have to do it then i will one day be as brave and as confident as all of the beautiful ladies on this site . thank you for the reply i found it very helpful

My experience with this has been interesting. I am not full-time at work yet however everybody knows about me and i will be going FT in a month or so. I would say that we fly under the radar less than we think we do with changes. When i saw people i had not seen in a month or two they definitely saw changes in my face and skin. Many people really thought I looked different and some did not even recognize me- huh! and they could not figure it out. This was dozens of people both men and women.

When i came out at work the number of responses i received stating we could see changes and you where looking different BUT " We did not want to say anything!" was eye opening and here I really thought i was flying under the radar. I was not presenting female other than growing my hair out and my chest is just now starting to show a bit that i have to chose tops more carefully.

So i would say YMMV and you may not be as stealth as you hope to be, I sure was not

I suppose this is the path I have chosen.  Honestly, it doesn't work very well in my case.  It seems the only person I'm in stealth with is myself.  I feel like everyone knows and can tell.  Even if they can't tell, they are aware something is up or different about me.  I'm getting used to be looked at and whispering being made about me.  To be honest, it really sucks.  It makes me feel so bad.  Then again, most people are really nice and I've noticed that the world has become much friendlier with me for the most part.  There comes a point (for most of us) where people will know and you are more andro than male or female looking.  For example, I'm not really able to be a convincing guy anymore, but at the same time I don't feel I'm close to passing either.  I think the awkward in between stage is inevitable to some degree and that's what makes "stealth" while transitioning almost impossible for most of us.  You can try to hide the fact that your transitioning as much as possible, but people will guess or discover in time.  It's really not as simple as presenting male one day and female the next.  That was my initial strategy and what I had hoped for, but it's so much more complicated than that.  The changes are progressive and people will notice them. 

Sorry if this post is upsetting in anyway.  I just don't want to give anyone false expectations that they can keep it secret when the reality is that it isn't that simple.  I've kind of learned this the hard way, so that's why I wanted to share with you.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 06, 2014, 10:46:09 AM
  It seems the only person I'm in stealth with is myself.

Yup! This definitely describes my experience. Your walking around in guy mode comments also resonated with me as I am finding the same thing , lot's of staring and mostly by women.

Quote from: Erica_Y on April 06, 2014, 10:30:40 AM
My experience with this has been interesting. I am not full-time at work yet however everybody knows about me and i will be going FT in a month or so. I would say that we fly under the radar less than we think we do with changes. When i saw people i had not seen in a month or two they definitely saw changes in my face and skin. Many people really thought I looked different and some did not even recognize me- huh! and they could not figure it out. This was dozens of people both men and women.

When i came out at work the number of responses i received stating we could see changes and you where looking different BUT " We did not want to say anything!" was eye opening and here I really thought i was flying under the radar. I was not presenting female other than growing my hair out and my chest is just now starting to show a bit that i have to chose tops more carefully.

So i would say YMMV and you may not be as stealth as you hope to be, I sure was not

Quote from: learningtolive on April 06, 2014, 10:46:09 AM
I suppose this is the path I have chosen.  Honestly, it doesn't work very well in my case.  It seems the only person I'm in stealth with is myself.  I feel like everyone knows and can tell.  Even if they can't tell, they are aware something is up or different about me.  I'm getting used to be looked at and whispering being made about me.  To be honest, it really sucks.  It makes me feel so bad.  Then again, most people are really nice and I've noticed that the world has become much friendlier with me for the most part.  There comes a point (for most of us) where people will know and you are more andro than male or female looking.  For example, I'm not really able to be a convincing guy anymore, but at the same time I don't feel I'm close to passing either.  I think the awkward in between stage is inevitable to some degree and that's what makes "stealth" while transitioning almost impossible for most of us.  You can try to hide the fact that your transitioning as much as possible, but people will guess or discover in time.  It's really not as simple as presenting male one day and female the next.  That was my initial strategy and what I had hoped for, but it's so much more complicated than that.  The changes are progressive and people will notice them. 

Sorry if this post is upsetting in anyway.  I just don't want to give anyone false expectations that they can keep it secret when the reality is that it isn't that simple.  I've kind of learned this the hard way, so that's why I wanted to share with you.

Thank you both for the honesty, it was important for me to hear another perspective on this. I've been tossing up between stealth and 'coming out' about the transition with most people before I start HRT and without going full time (so everyone just knows my intention) and both your posts have made that idea seem like a better course of action than pretending nothing is happening and trying to hide the process from people. Who knows, maybe being open about it with people would actually make them more accepting? (I have no evidence to support this claim, haha).

I get looks at work, my hair is awkward (not cut for 13 months), my face has changed some and I have had a lot of comments about hair regrown. I have had comments about being happy and not being angry. I am stealth but people ask questions. I have to admit I like the questions now, especially about looking younger.

I represented Pride@XXX and handed out LGBT literature in a lobby of a high rise building at work. I was scared and frightened  at first but felt so good after a lot of coworkers saw me and I am out.

These different perspectives are really useful.  I guess you actually end up with an approach that works for you.

My worry is that if I had come out at the start of HRT, I may then have been subject to whispering about a lack of change or whether something is a change.  What if it all falls over or takes years?  So not for me.  However, if the "noise" gets to be too much, I will get the HR process going.  I am prepping that now in case I need to move quickly.  Hope they have done this or seen it before.

You might be surprised at what people notice.  I started earlier this year and have had two punters at work already ask me if I'm transitioning (one a regular the other I just saw that day). Now my work shirt is one to two sizes too big for me so it's not like I'm wearing tight clothing and I haven't noticed any changes in my face yet, so something showed

Yes;

Its suprising how some people do notice things.I am 12 months into HRT again and with very low T in my system, feminization has been steady, although a little slow. Recently I met up with some interstate friends who haven't seen me for about a year. One guy about my age, commented that I looked really good and very fit. (Not sure how he worked that out as I am still too much overweight), but he went onto to say that I look younger. Then the following day I met up with a couple and their 22 year old daughter. They all commented on how good I looked with the wife saying that my complexion looked great. Then the daughter insisted on giving me a double cheek to cheek kiss and hug. She whispered ...your skin is so soft and I love your eyebrows... in my ear so maybe she guessed. She is a Surgical Nurse.

Then just last week, a couple of the guys in my office (where I still present as male), commented that they had never seen me in jeans before and both commented that jeans really suited me. I was wearing my womens high waisted skinny jeans (remember they button up differently and can be quite tight in the crotch, but luckily after so much HRT, down there is now quite small, almost unnoticeable.

I have noticed that some women friends who don't know that I am in transition have been looking at me slightly different, one even commenting last week that I seemed much more relaxed and calm  and said that I seem to be walking more gracefully. I laughed...actually a giggle. I was also watching a movie recently with some friends and there was a sad bit and then one of the girls noticed that I had tears streaming down my face. Again other women seem to notice these things as the changes happen.

So there are a whole lot of subtle changes. My therapist told me she says that now with oestrogen the dominant hormone in met body that I ill be giving off a lot of female phemerones and starting to smell differently more of a female musky scent that will be noticeable to men. There is no doubt in my mind that things seem different, not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well, sort of like the brain getting re-wired.

So whilst my boobs and nipples are starting more and more to be evident with a lot of breast tissue on the side, so I too now need to wear a sports bra all the time, but when I wear one of my sexy Playtex underwire Wonderbra and Panties a friend says that I am looking very nice indeed with a genuine cleavage (I am close to 44C), I really think that it is the other things that probably give us away.

Next month I expect to be in my UK house, so it is going to be interesting how people that know me there see  and notice the changes.

I must work with idiots or I am not any changing.  Probs both! My son just said "you got tits" while wife said "not much apart from the boobies" so there.  Phew! Thought I was a deluded fool for a minute

My breasts are growing, B cup now & I'm planning to just live full time this spring/summer. My only concern is facial hair & we are zapping away asap to help clean up more areas of my face. Body hair has all been removed with a nice system called NuFree & my electro lady will keep me smooth this summer as she also zaps facial hair.

So I'm going to finally live free for a change. No stealth here any more.

I have a family wedding to go to in the Australian spring. If I can stay reasonably stealth till after then I'll be one happy lassie. So please body slow down for now just a little bit

I went to a family wedding a couple of weeks ago, 18 months HRT, The last wedding was two years ago. I have had huge facial/body changes and am a 34d. Not a word from anyone, I'm beyond stealth, I'm invisible.
The only comment I got was from my niece who said I should put on one of the comedy blonde wigs on ... no wait a minute I see you're already wearing one. (it was for a photo booth)
I did wear a too tight strappy top under my shirt to cope with the hugging that goes on these days.

Quote from: sandrauk on April 07, 2014, 06:12:44 AM
I went to a family wedding a couple of weeks ago, 18 months HRT, The last wedding was two years ago. I have had huge facial/body changes and am a 34d. Not a word from anyone, I'm beyond stealth, I'm invisible.
The only comment I got was from my niece who said I should put on one of the comedy blonde wigs on ... no wait a minute I see you're already wearing one. (it was for a photo booth)
I did wear a too tight strappy top under my shirt to cope with the hugging that goes on these days.

Cool, that's funny. Have a great day GF.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 07, 2014, 06:22:44 AM
Cool, that's funny. Have a great day GF.

Yeah, she wasn't being nasty and it made me laugh too, she's pretty nice.

Quote from: Nattie on April 04, 2014, 11:08:15 PM
I'm wanting to go on HRT very soon, but I don't think I'll be ready to come out for a long while. I'm happy to just start to look a little more feminine while presenting as a man, until I'm ready (have to wait on my hair growing out and my job change anyway), and I don't think HRT is strong enough for people to really notice me changing, except in one area...

If I do develop breasts very quickly, what should I do to stay stealth? Would that mean having to wear binders until I go full time? Is that how everyone else here did it before presenting as female?

I'd like to present androgynously for the next two years, but if I have breasts then people will definitely suspect that I am actually transitioning, as opposed to just being/looking a little more feminine.

I can still pass as a guy despite b being on hrt for over three years. Maybe it is because i started kind of late, but I can still pass as a guy. That said, I pass as a gay guy more than anything.

Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 09, 2014, 06:30:47 PM

I can still pass as a guy despite b being on hrt for over three years. Maybe it is because i started kind of late, but I can still pass as a guy. That said, I pass as a gay guy more than anything.

Having seen your photos I find that hard to believe, haha. I'm 26, so I'm starting pretty late as well, which may mean it takes much longer for the hormones to feminize me (hopefully they still do though).

That being said, on the topic of this thread, I'm already feeling anxious/impatient about coming out, and I've only been out to myself for just over two weeks. I don't know how so many of you stay in to your friends and family for so many years, it must be a real struggle. I don't want to go full time or anything (I won't pass at all) but I do want people to know about my transition, in the very least, provided they're supportive.