Hi all,
Just need to rant a little here. Today I decided to go to a group called Elder Pride at the local LGBT center. Being 56 years old I figured I'd try the group for 55 + people and see how it went. Getting out in the community a little in the process. Without going into the details of the group, I introduced myself as transgender etc., and told my quick story of me. Also I was in boy mode...

So there I was... While I have always been attracted to men in general, I am not into flaming men. I swear I was in the geriatric club of flaming gay men. (Ewwwwww!) Then to top everything else they started talking about their adventurers with "Drag Queens" which is a term I totally detest. Meanwhile the facilitator the whole time sat there knowing I was transgender did nothing to curve the topic of conversation. I suppose I should have said something, but being it was my first time there I was polite and stayed quiet. Needless to say I don't think I will be attending that group again. But, here is the question... Do you think I should say something to the group facilitator who happens to be a licensed therapist? (Not mine thank God) I mean that is their job is to not let people feel uncomfortably right?  Anyway just needed to tell someone how uncomfortable I was...

Thanks;
Veronica

Meh..... i'd let it go and move on. Obviously there is a need for a support group like that as evidenced by the people being there, and it clearly wasn't for you. I've done the same thing in L.A. with a trans support group that didn't support anything except for a clique of people that were "in" and the rest of us stood around the outside of that group and were ignored. Not my cup of tea and I quit going.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 07:44:21 PM
Hi all,
Just need to rant a little here. Today I decided to go to a group called Elder Pride at the local LGBT center. Being 56 years old I figured I'd try the group for 55 + people and see how it went. Getting out in the community a little in the process. Without going into the details of the group, I introduced myself as transgender etc., and told my quick story of me. Also I was in boy mode...

So there I was... While I have always been attracted to men in general, I am not into flaming men. I swear I was in the geriatric club of flaming gay men. (Ewwwwww!) Then to top everything else they started talking about their adventurers with "Drag Queens" which is a term I totally detest. Meanwhile the facilitator the whole time sat there knowing I was transgender did nothing to curve the topic of conversation. I suppose I should have said something, but being it was my first time there I was polite and stayed quiet. Needless to say I don't think I will be attending that group again. But, here is the question... Do you think I should say something to the group facilitator who happens to be a licensed therapist? (Not mine thank God) I mean that is their job is to not let people feel uncomfortably right?  Anyway just needed to tell someone how uncomfortable I was...

Thanks;
Veronica

What do you find wrong with men who are flamingly gay and drag queens? It was an lgbt group from what you are saying which means trans people will most likely be in the minority. Personally being around new people can be a little bit uncomfortable to me as well, but I learn to just go with it most of the time. As for the group facilitator, I think you should be polite and tell him it was not your cup of tea and leave it at that.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 07:44:21 PM
Hi all,
Just need to rant a little here. Today I decided to go to a group called Elder Pride at the local LGBT center. Being 56 years old I figured I'd try the group for 55 + people and see how it went. Getting out in the community a little in the process. Without going into the details of the group, I introduced myself as transgender etc., and told my quick story of me. Also I was in boy mode...

So there I was... While I have always been attracted to men in general, I am not into flaming men. I swear I was in the geriatric club of flaming gay men. (Ewwwwww!) Then to top everything else they started talking about their adventurers with "Drag Queens" which is a term I totally detest. Meanwhile the facilitator the whole time sat there knowing I was transgender did nothing to curve the topic of conversation. I suppose I should have said something, but being it was my first time there I was polite and stayed quiet. Needless to say I don't think I will be attending that group again. But, here is the question... Do you think I should say something to the group facilitator who happens to be a licensed therapist? (Not mine thank God) I mean that is their job is to not let people feel uncomfortably right?  Anyway just needed to tell someone how uncomfortable I was...

Thanks;
Veronica

maybe you could talk to the therapist and ask for an explanation.

Quote from: Eva Marie on April 11, 2014, 08:00:18 PM
Meh..... i'd let it go and move on. Obviously there is a need for a support group like that as evidenced by the people being there, and it clearly wasn't for you. I've done the same thing in L.A. with a trans support group that didn't support anything except for a clique of people that were "in" and the rest of us stood around the outside of that group and were ignored. Not my cup of tea and I quit going.

Yeah Eva, that is somewhat my conclusion... It was serious bad... I think if I would have been dressed, I would have taken my skirt off and handed it to one or two of those folks and said "You might want to consider wearing this as you need it more than me"... Not really, but you get my point. Most in the room were more feminine than I am, and I am very much a lady. But the whole "Drag Queen" thing really burnt my butt. Especially since they were talking as though we were a piece of meat to be on display or something. Especially also that they were acting more fem than I was... It was really scary and very offensive to me none the less.

Quote from: stephaniec on April 11, 2014, 08:09:04 PM
maybe you could talk to the therapist and ask for an explanation.

I think I am going to be the better person and let it go. I haven't really decided totally as yet though.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 08:20:27 PM
I think I am going to be the better person and let it go. I haven't really decided totally as yet though.

I don't think it's a question of better , the therapist is a licensed professional who should be ethically motivated  to give an explanation.

Personally I would attend a few more and see if it is really an issue. Every meeting has bad night's and this could have been one of theirs. Just my opinion though. Maybe next time ask around and see if there are more groups available more matching your tastes. It could have been a special meeting or focus for that night as other meetings might address different issue's.

Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 11, 2014, 08:06:55 PM
What do you find wrong with men who are flamingly gay and drag queens? It was an lgbt group from what you are saying which means trans people will most likely be in the minority. Personally being around new people can be a little bit uncomfortable to me as well, but I learn to just go with it most of the time. As for the group facilitator, I think you should be polite and tell him it was not your cup of tea and leave it at that.

I guess to answer your question as to flaming men, there okay I guess, just not my cup of tea... There are a lot of gay men out there are not so flamboyant and that is more my liking. My thought is if your going to be that flamboyant and fem, why not just go all the way. Perhaps I need to analyze that one in my head.  As to the "Drag Queen" thing being transgender, I find that offensive to say the least. To me it makes it sound like were some kind of object to be made fun of... Here again this is my perception, so I guess I should have not felt so uncomfortable. Never the less I did.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 11, 2014, 08:35:37 PM
Personally I would attend a few more and see if it is really an issue. Every meeting has bad night's and this could have been one of theirs. Just my opinion though. Maybe next time ask around and see if there are more groups available more matching your tastes. It could have been a special meeting or focus for that night as other meetings might address different issue's.

Yeah, I haven't decided if I'll go back or not, but I try to look at the best in everyone so I may... I feel kind of sad actually as even though most these folks were a bit older than I, it would have been nice to interact with people more my age. We'll see.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 09:01:59 PM
There are a lot of gay men out there are not so flamboyant and that is more my liking.

Was this a dating type meeting or a support group? I am just curious and no other intent should be implied. I am just a little confused on what the meeting was about.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 09:01:59 PMI guess to answer your question as to flaming men, there okay I guess, just not my cup of tea... There are a lot of gay men out there are not so flamboyant and that is more my liking. My thought is if your going to be that flamboyant and fem, why not just go all the way. Perhaps I need to analyze that one in my head.

Okay well, the men of the world are not out to cater to your tastes....And guys can be as fem and flamboyant as they want. It doesn't mean they should "just go all the way." Girls are not the only one who can be fem. We're all individuals, and there is no one way to be for anyone of any gender.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 11, 2014, 09:07:46 PM
Was this a dating type meeting or a support group? I am just curious and no other intent should be implied. I am just a little confused on what the meeting was about.

Well, my understanding of the group was more for older LGBT folks could just get together and socialize. There really isn't a set topic of conversation and not many rules obviously. At least that was my take in reading the meeting schedule. Not really a dating thing either. LOL... And no I wasn't going there to get hit on...  Beside that most of the guys there if that was the case I might have given them heart failure first go around. (Big Smile)

Quote from: Ruthven on April 11, 2014, 09:17:42 PM
Okay well, the men of the world are not out to cater to your tastes....And guys can be as fem and flamboyant as they want. It doesn't mean they should "just go all the way." Girls are not the only one who can be fem. We're all individuals, and there is no one way to be for anyone of any gender.

I completely agree Ruth... That is what makes the world go round.

Quote from: Veronica M on April 11, 2014, 09:21:25 PM
And no I wasn't going there to get hit on...

I hope you did not get the opinion that was being insinuated at all. I was just wondering why a Therapist would not intervene if it was a support type meeting. I was just trying to figure out if it was a group support or social event. I will try to be more clear next time, sorry.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 11, 2014, 09:25:22 PM
I hope you did not get the opinion that was being insinuated at all. I was just wondering why a Therapist would not intervene if it was a support type meeting. I was just trying to figure out if it was a group support or social event. I will try to be more clear next time, sorry.

No need Sis... It was more my warped sense of humor than anything... As to the intervention thing yes I was perplexed with that also. Oh well, really not a big deal, just needed to vent a little.

One time I walked into William Way LGBT center and walked to the reception person in the middle of a very large room with LGBT people at different locations. There was 20 Trans  portraits on the wall in various stages of transition. I walk up and said this is Cynthia and I am here to see Alison (one of the therapists there). He stairs at me and does nothing. I then repeated myself, something clicked ( could see his face change), and he gave her a message.

Just because you are in a LGBT center and speaking to an employee does not mean they get trans. A lot of people refer to trans* as ->-bleeped-<- or Drag Queen and think they are correct terms ( I have heard it at work). How would Cindy the Aussie Lass handle this? I think she would look them in the eyes and say, Drag Queen and the like are derogatory terms and I am offended when they are used.