Quote from: Carrie Liz on March 24, 2014, 04:40:35 PM
So just let yourself go. Don't be afraid. This is one of the most amazing parts of transition, is that freedom to quit being defensive and finally make genuine emotional connections with people. It's a hard habit to unlearn, but very emotionally rewarding once you do.

Oh god, yeah! Since I've begun transitioning, this is one thing that's really come to be! I was always a hugger, but now I hug openly, with reckless abandon.

Quote from: Danniella on March 24, 2014, 01:52:29 PM
In Scotland guys hugging each other is really common...

In England we call those headlocks, and they don't count.

*huggles*

Quote from: Sephirah on March 25, 2014, 10:16:34 AM
In England we call those headlocks, and they don't count.

*huggles*

So...you're NOT supposed to hear the bones break?

...

Huh...

Quote from: Danniella on March 25, 2014, 10:26:36 AM
So...you're NOT supposed to hear the bones break?

...

Huh...

Nope, only heavy popping.

Quote from: Xhianil on March 25, 2014, 01:01:32 PM
Nope, only heavy popping.

-Adds to notes- "No...Breaking...Bones"

Okay.

As an aside, I'm going out with a bunch of girl friends tonight...I shall put on my best David Atenburgh impression to observe their hugging closely and report back >.>

I'd just like to suggest that we all hug in whichever way we feel expresses ourselves and our feelings for the person being hugged. Really, there's no need to try to emulate how anyone else hugs one way or the other.

I think it's a stereotype that men don't hug.  I'm Italian...we hug everyone.  Men, women, dogs...doesn't matter.  But I would agree on the manner.  Woman are more genuine.  Men always want to give you that pat on the back.  Kinda like I really don't enjoy this so lets just get it over with.  Also the force of the pat on the back is proportional to how alpha the male is.  Same as with the hand shake grip.

Quote from: JulieC. on March 27, 2014, 08:17:11 AM
I think it's a stereotype that men don't hug.  I'm Italian...we hug everyone.  Men, women, dogs...doesn't matter.  But I would agree on the manner.  Woman are more genuine.  Men always want to give you that pat on the back.  Kinda like I really don't enjoy this so lets just get it over with.  Also the force of the pat on the back is proportional to how alpha the male is.  Same as with the hand shake grip.

Well me and my guy friends do that we do that back pat or the hand grip and then snap and we definately mean it, Its just that hugging a guy like how we as boys would hug a girl is alittle weird. And its also society me and my dad do the same thing sometimes.

I am a hugger. People who knew me before still give me full on hugs. I don't think a male/female thing. It's more what you are comfortable with.

Never thought about it before but I believe the difference is that women bend in form the waist more - it's hard to get close otherwise if there are two pair of double-Ds between you!   The more ample the bosom, the more waist bend as boob-squish is hardly comfortable. When hugging a guy, of course, that isn't a problem and I suspect guys like to feel boob-squish LOL!

Quote from: Pikachu on March 24, 2014, 12:43:33 PM
... hugging is kind of a girl thing entirely, where I come from. Guys don't hug.

Well, I'm going to blow your mind - where I come from, men not only hug, they kiss too (on the cheek). Top that!

Sadly, this in no way causes increased lgbt acceptance.

QuoteWell, I'm going to blow your mind - where I come from, men not only hug, they kiss too (on the cheek). Top that!

I'm not trying to top that.  It's not all that uncommon in a lot of places and I think it's a wonderful tradition.

I have some friends (a family) that whenever one of the children leaves they always exchange I love you and there is a little kiss on the lips.  When mom gives the son or daughter the kiss I think that's nice.  Shouldn't all families have that show of love for one another?  But when I saw dad kiss his son on the lips I thought whoa...that's weird!  After some reflection I realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  A dad kissed his son and told him he loved him.  Although I would like to think I am completely open minded I can get caught up in societies outdated traditions and social customs too.  When I grew up dads didn't kiss their kids in public much and definitely not on the lips.  They did however hit them in public.  At least that has changed.

Something seems a little wrong where it is more acceptable to see two men beat each other senseless on TV than it is to see them kiss.

I never thought about male/female hugging, but I am sure that according to most definitions I hug like a girl. I love to hug and share affection for my friends through it (I even hug trees. Freaking hippie that I am! LOL!) and a 'half hearted' or quick hug is no real hug for me, lol. Whenever I hug someone, I try to hug them as if I hold my parents or a loved one, etc. and give them some REAL warmth. If that's feminine... if being nice, and open, and caring is feminine, well, then I am just a feminine guy. lol

OK! So...after my EXTENSIVE research during the week (Read as: Looking at lots of videos and images of different hugs, stalking friends and trying to figure out the differences) I came to a number of conclusions re: differences in gender hugs.

DISCLAIMER!: All the analysis below is completely subjective and is most likely completely twisted by the researcher's own bizzare situations, unique peer group and specific circumstances. "Danniella Research Incorporated" takes no responsibility for any awkward moments, strange looks or grievous bodily harm incurred during the execution or employment of the conclusions/guidelines listed below.

Men

• Hug signalled/initiated with wide arms in "Y" shape, like you are trying to hug OVER the recipients shoulders/arms (aggressive/dominant body language?)
• Overtly audible silly noises, making it VERY clear that you are having a hug, and that it is all in jest. Lots of "Oaaaarghs!" and "Hoooyeah!" (Primitive vocal posturing? Or subconscious indicator to the surrounding people that this is an "unpleasant but necessary" procedure?)
• Arms folded across each other's backs firmly, vertically, or at an angle, so long as there is as little gap between your hands as possible
• Heads must attempt to be placed on each other's shoulders, even undertaking extreme neck straining in an attempt to keep the head as close to the recipient's shoulders as possible, but the faces NEVER TOUCH!
• Back slapping and/or continual conversation/laughing etc for the duration of the hug, there is never a "silent" man hug!
• Eyes remain open for the duration, possibly making eye contact with other friends outside of the hug (They never seem fully in the moment?)
• Generally short 2-3 seconds

Women

• Hugs initiated with lowered elbows held close to your torso and arms in more of an "L" shape (side profile) in front of you, you are trying to go UNDER the recipients arms, rather than over them, (natural indication of passive/submissiveness? Needs more research)
• Audio levels much reduced and softened, "Awww" or "Mhhh" s are common
• Arms are normally positioned with an upwards angle, so that the palms of the your hands are resting on the recipients shoulder blades
• Head normally pressed sideways against the chest or side of the face of the recipient (Depending on recipient's height). Cheek to cheek is common. (Makes sense, men tend to avoid face contact)
• Back rubbing or light squeezing
• Eyes close during the hug, (Implications of greater enjoyment of the actual physicality/feeling of the hug?)
• Longer hugs, around 5 seconds on average

I could be spouting COMPLETE gibberish ofc...but that's my observations so far

Using these guidelines I executed what my research concluded to be a more "feminine" hug, with good success to both male and female recipients.

The same person who last week said I still had a "dude hug" was apparently taken aback, commenting on "How crazy quickly you adapt".

So I call that a success

I recently heard "Lola" by the Kinks, and I'm completely in love with that song now.

This whole thread reminds me of a line from it:

"Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine"


I don't care if you hug me like a guy or a girl, just hug me!

I almost never hugged when I was male. It felt so awkward when I living FT and my best female friend hugged me. Now I feel completly natural giving and recieving hugs.

This post has made me so self conscious that every time I hug someone Im like
"eeer can I ask you a wierd question? what do you think about my hug?"

XDXDXDXDXDXD 

I notice that when guys hug, they usually give loose 'brohugs' and/or 'sidehugs' and immediately separate. Girls on the other hand usually tend to give fuller, more frontal hugs that last longer. I'm a big hugger, and trans so I've had a lot of experience xD

However, this also depends heavily on the type of person and who they're giving the hugs to. For example, an introvert might give looser hugs and separate quicker, no matter what gender. An extrovert (like me) might give longer, tighter hugs.

Guys tend to hug other guys very loosely, this usually involves some kind of patting of the back and a quick separation. Guys tend to hug girls more closely, and usually let her take the lead in the embrace. If she wants it to end quickly, he'll let her end it, if she hugs him for longer, he'll just follow. Girls usually hug other girls for a very long time and move around whilst hugging. Girls usually don't hug guys in such a fashion unless he is a close friend, and usually just separate after they feel it's appropriate.

And of course, for both genders, relation to the person you're hugging is a very big factor, a person might not hug a stranger for as long as they would hug a friend, if at all. This is just my experience.

However, I just like to say 'Screw the gender binary' and let people hug how they want 8D Of course others may not agree. But hey, I'm going full-time and still give the closest, tightest hugs I can afford xD, occasionally lifting my friends off the ground. My advice is: hug however you want as long as you feel comfortable. :)

Hugging etiquette is something I'm trying to learn. This is excellent research. I'm a talk girl, and most girls reach around the neck when they hug guys. If I hug a girl over her shoulders it's like a Sasquatch death hug.

I also have a problem with hand shaking. Traditionally females have the very weak approach, but I don't know if that applies anymore. When I meet new people, how do I shake hands? I try to be gentle,but not wimpy. It's more like reaching out and holding hands for a second.

Hugs and handshakes keep me awake at night.

To be honest, I never really thought about the difference in hugging.
I suppose yeah, a girl hug wouldn't squeeze as hard and "masculine" as a guy would, but also there's the fact that a lot of guys don't like, and therefore are bad at hugging (I love hugs btw). I guess guys probably hug more over the shoulder kind of way, while a girl would probably more wrap the arms around the individual, in almost a more upright manner with the arms. I'm not completely sure on that, but seems pretty legit to me. You can always just observe others hug. Maybe go give free hugs to strangers on the street (i've done it, it will make you smile) and notice how the girls do it compared to the guys. Your brain will just pick up, and learn the difference with very little need to think about it. Hope it helps, and congrats on the improved feminist behaviors.
PS. -hug-