Over two years ago I realized I was not a woman, despite having been FAAB.  As a kid I wanted to be a boy.  As a teenager and young adult I enjoyed being called sir.  (I'm six feet tall and broad shouldered.)  When I had the realization that I definitely wasn't a woman and could identify as something else, I decided that genderqueer was the best term.  Then I thought FTM was more appropriate, and I've been trying that out for eight months or so.  But... being a full-on man just doesn't feel right either.  I'm wondering if I'm actually more on the masculine side of the genderqueer spectrum, the way I first thought when I realized I was definitely not female. Because recently I've seen a couple of lesbianish women and wanted them to see me as a little bit butch-female, and I'm not entirely comfortable with my current pronoun of choice. He and She both feel wrong, although He is closer to the truth. I am not a woman, but I think I may not be entirely male either. I don't know, I'm confused... I mean, I still want top surgery and a dick, I just feel more connected to women and have more in common with them than I do my guy friends. And I've never really wanted hormones, although I did talk to a doctor about them out of curiosity.  I feel masculine, but I like my body and looks except for the chest and sexual bits.  Writing this out, maybe genderqueer really is more fitting. I don't know.  All I know is that I'm definitely not a cis woman.  It feels wrong to even contemplate.

I see my therapist Friday. She works a lot with trans issues, so maybe she can help.  But I thought I'd see if anyone else had that confusion too.  Anyone?

Instead of trying to fit yourself into a version or term, why not just expand on the descriptive things you've already wrote?
If cis doesn't work, don't try to satisfy them with a term to use.
Same for FTM or any other binary outlook.
Non-binary is the general umbrella term, it's what I use when I have to.
But I don't use it or think it, it doesn't quite work right either, but it's the more excepted term.
People will ask me, kind of a wtf sort of thing at times, and this opens the door to explain.
I have two genders. Plain and simple descriptive words.
I hesitate to lock myself into anything more than that.
I do tend to be fluid at times, so it works pretty well for me.
But the point is that in seeing yourself in descriptive words, is so much better than using somebody's term.
A term is nothing more than the short hand version of a description.
If it doesn't fit, don't use it. Be yourself, be descriptive.
Non-binary people tend to be pretty unique.
There are literally hundreds of loose terms out there.
But be who you are, not what a term says you have to be.
Things change for many non-binary people, especially over time.
When anyone really wants to know, I will tell them, but in my own descriptive way.
Which may just reflect who I am at the moment or it might be about me in general.
It's really the easiest way to think and talk about yourself.
Because when you use a term, there are always those people who get it wrong, and think you are someone your not.
Society tosses trans terms and words around in the manner that they want them to be, so you become what they want in their thinking.
Just simply being descriptive is enough.
If they don't get it, its not you fault.
But when you use a term and they still don't get it, it is your fault.
At least to them, because they think they know what that term means.
I find that most people will engage in a conversation, and might ask me more.
Instead of just assuming I am whatever a term might mean. To them.
Binary people have a lot of difficulties in grasping the idea of more than just a gender.
I can't imagine what it must feel like to not have two.
But I can in descriptive words when I hear them.
Being non-binary doesn't have to be confusing.
You just need to be you. That's good enough.
If it isn't for someone else, they will never get past the first sentence.
Move on and don't waste time on it or anyone else for that matter.
We all have far more things in common than anyone has that's different.
Fading away,
Ativan