I personally am still hiding, but I have noticed so much change in my life, and I really feel like I am about to overflow that pot soon. It's really mainly just my parents that keep me hiding. Mainly my dad. He doesn't know my true inside, but he shows his, because every time he hears or sees something to do with trans, he makes sure we all know he hates it. It makes it so hard to do anything. But I noticed that the more/longer I get away from home, and am on my own or with friends, I act more feminine. I paint my nails a lot more (but my dad makes me take it off), and I like to let my hair grow, and I talk/walk/act more feminine. I also love to crossdress every time i'm alone I'm 18, and almost graduated, and I think when I get out of the house, I'll finally be free to come out. As for now, it's just to hard.

Quote from: Sam314 on April 14, 2014, 02:50:01 PM
I personally am still hiding, but I have noticed so much change in my life, and I really feel like I am about to overflow that pot soon. It's really mainly just my parents that keep me hiding. Mainly my dad. He doesn't know my true inside, but he shows his, because every time he hears or sees something to do with trans, he makes sure we all know he hates it. It makes it so hard to do anything. But I noticed that the more/longer I get away from home, and am on my own or with friends, I act more feminine. I paint my nails a lot more (but my dad makes me take it off), and I like to let my hair grow, and I talk/walk/act more feminine. I also love to crossdress every time i'm alone I'm 18, and almost graduated, and I think when I get out of the house, I'll finally be free to come out. As for now, it's just to hard.

Sounds a lot like my family.

Hang in there, sam.

I've been hiding it for 21 years (since I was 12).  I never could have imagined it would progress to this point.  I simply thought I could go forever with this secret.  I would just continuously keep sweeping it back under the rug and it would always come back stronger each time.  I now want to transition but I'm unemployed and living with my parents.  Because of that, I can't even see a therapist or do anything.  I'm stuck until I find job (I've been unemployed for a year).

Quote from: MbutF on April 12, 2014, 12:33:19 PM
That's the worst part for me, there's a guilt, I feel I'm cheating them.

The only person you are cheating is yourself.

The feeling of cheating others and yourself goes away when you start transition and coming out...

its something...

I had forgotten but I would say this all the time,
that I am lying to everyone and mostly myself...

This secret, it saps away all my energy.... At times I feel like screaming when no one is around... lol. I can't wait.... but I have no choice.... I have to wait.... I have to be patient before I can do anything.

An hour ago I was alright, now the feeling is back. aargh, my head..... 

Quote from: MbutF on April 15, 2014, 02:27:24 AM
This secret, it saps away all my energy.... At times I feel like screaming when no one is around... lol. I can't wait.... but I have no choice.... I have to wait.... I have to be patient before I can do anything.

An hour ago I was alright, now the feeling is back. aargh, my head..... 

I can understand your feeling.
I am experiencing your feeling now.
Sometimes I am alright, and sometimes I feel really upset.

I'm finding the emotional hiding of my struggles the most difficult. I came out to my wife a month and a half ago. Sometimes, after triggers or if it's crept up on me, the despair is almost intolerable. I bury myself in YouTube songs if possible.

The physical hiding feels easier somehow. Maybe, because for me, emotions rarely involve the practical. It's hard to put my finger on it.
I'm too timid...but oh so close to getting my first somewhat feminine haircut...

I bury myself in songs too, huge doses of music keeps me going...

I've had feminine haircuts before, it feels good

I try to keep my mind as occupied as possible.  Whether that be listening to music, playing video games, watching t.v., etc.  take your pick.  It worked pretty well for awhile, but it's getting much less effective.  Coming here has been a big help as well, as it's reaffirmed for me that there's nothing wrong with who I am.  Since I, like you, are playing the waiting game in limbo, feel free to pm me if you need to talk.   

In adolescence? I didn't cope well at all, and struggled with depression over it.

Now, as a young adult? I'm not out at all, but I'm also not afraid. I don't hide particularly well, and I think anybody who knows me could guess. And I'm okay with that. I am not currently in a job that I fear losing (graduate student. We can get away with a lot).