After years of cowardice, and a night of nearly killing myself I finally made a decision on my problem. I'm going through with it. My family will never accept it and help me through it, so there will be no actual coming out. They are going to disown me, and probably dispise me for a very long time, but I the best I can hope for is that eventually they will get over it and let me back into their lives. My lover says he supports me no matter the decision I make, and that he will stay with me, but continues to follow those statements with ones about how he'd like for me to stay as I am, because he loves my breasts and vagina, the two features of my body that disgust me the most.

It's going to hurt a lot to lose him and my family, but I'd rather take the risk of them maybe one day accepting me again, than run the risk of having another breakdown because I can't keep up being something I'm not and kill myself. That's basically what my two choices were: A. Keep them all happy and loving me, and keep hating myself until I snap and commit suicide. or B. Do it, piss them all off, and hope they forgive me later. In the end, I think it will be better for all involved if I take the second route.

I know you're thinking "Yay! Now find a good therapist and..." but no. I can't do therapy, not yet. I don't have a job or a car right now, nor do I have health insurance. "How old are you then?" I'm 20. "Loser..." Yeah, I know. It's a long complicated story, but basically I'm stuck living with my highly 'Christain' aunt and uncle, down the street from my parents and grandmother, on the other end of the village from the rest of my extended family. Yes, village. Called, of all things, Villanow. Villanow is a tiny crossroads surrounded by houses and farms. The most industrialized part is an old closed down crane company, and the gas station. It's roughly a half hour drive to either of the nearest towns/cities over a mountian in either direction. Very closed off.

So, I'm having to battle my way through seclusion in order to get a new job to pay for a car to go to a college that's over 100 miles away, and in the nearest city with a therapist for this sort of thing. Like I said, right now therapy is not an option. What I need, are suggestions for smaller steps I can do until I accomplish a few of the more immediate goals. What do I need to do to prepare? Should I start trying to dress more? Loose weight? Read certian books? I need a list.

As far as crossing, I'm having serious problems binding. I'm a 40DD, so it's not like many sports bras will flatten me more than maybe an inch. I can't reach around my chest well enough to bind with bandages or anything of that nature, and as I have no job, I can't order some expensive super-ultra-mega-boobsquisher-supreame. I need low budget, but effective ideas.


((Edit:))
If any of you who have finished transitioning, or have atleast had the upper surgery done still have your stuff from when you were dressing, and think it's in good enough condition to pass on, contact me. If it is something that would work for my size I might try to buy it from you, and if not, I know of a site that does this thing where you can donate your old equpiments. I think they pay you for it. Not sure. I'll have to find the link and post it.

Thanks,
   Chrys

Good evening Chris, my good man.

My only advice is this: All the guys will tell you to lose weight. Don't listen. It is a myth that losing weight makes you look more masculine. Guess what? Being skinny will only emphasize an hour-glass figure.
My good friend recently lost a ton of weight and is now bemoaning the fact that he did. His figure became a lot more female as his waist and hips became more defined.
If you wish to be in tip top shape, save the work until after you've been on T about a year and your fat has redistributed to male pattern.
Listen to the master, not all these prissy gym bunnies.

Bah, Nero. Nobody says lose weight. Just build muscle in the meantime, because it will go on where you build it, so you have some choice about it.

Losing weight alone will give you more of a female figure because you don't get a choice about where you lose fat. It just goes off wherever you're genetically destined to lose it, which can mean waist, not hips. Building muscle, however, is a good thing. You can direct it.

Your gym bunny,

Dennis

Well, I'm conciderably fruity, so I'd not mind have a touch of curves. I'd actually love to have the female hips, but not quite so wide as they are now, a flatter tummy and bottom, and of course, the male chest. An androgynous body is what I'd prefer, really. I see a lot of genetic males that have these beautiful curvy hips, and it makes me jealous.

My legs are fairly muscular, but I don't really work them like I should I suppose, and there is a bit of defined muscle in my arms, but it's under a layer of fat that shouldn't be there. My diet consists mostly of vegetables, rice, and pasta. Occasionally some cookies or chocolate. Unlike me, my boyfriend lives off double cheesebugers, pizza and junkfood, and he's thin as a rail.

Bah, both of you. Lose weight AND build muscle! And comb your hair like Elvis and wear huge boots!



(I really should be medicated or something.)

Quote from: Nero on August 23, 2007, 09:13:35 PM
Guess what? Being skinny will only emphasize an hour-glass figure.

dunno dude.  i dont got an hour-glass figure even when i'm hella skinny.  lose fat, eat healthy, go to da gym, build muscle by bench press.  take care of your arms. back. and chest.  get them wider by exersise & liftin weights.

have to agree, build muscle and lose weight.

I'm 5' 9" and weight 160 lbs, which is mostly muscle, there is nothing about my body that looks feminine, so not too sure about this hour glass figure.

Guy,
another gym bunny *g