Okey, I don't feel welcome at all. It feels that I seriously need to change myself. I am very shy and are alone by myself alot. Loneliness is something I didn't asked about. But...I have chronic PTSD. Which makes me extremely hard to gain trust at people. I am always in a defensive stance. Cognitive therapy doesn't work at all. I am seriously getting really depressed by they way I am as a person. There is countless of nights where I have cried in bed. I've been trying to be more social for a time a few times, but it makes me "fake" and I feel extremely scared...

Being transgender affects all of this as well. I don't know else what I should do. I didn't ask for loneliness. What ever kind of effort I do feels wasted and people is always backstabbing me...

Quote from: IamSoScared on April 24, 2014, 09:17:23 PM
I have chronic PTSD. Which makes me extremely hard to gain trust at people. I am always in a defensive stance. Cognitive therapy doesn't work at all. I am seriously getting really depressed by they way I am as a person. There is countless of nights where I have cried in bed. I've been trying to be more social for a time a few times, but it makes me "fake" and I feel extremely scared...

I felt the exact same way until HRT. After that I became a totally different person and just the exact opposite of what you describe. I have not had one PTSD flashback and sleep all night now. People cant believe the change in me. Hang in there and know you are not alone, we are here for you.

Ohhh .... PTSD is a terrible thing to be battling with. But, it also is treatable. I think CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can be hit and miss for deeper stuff like PTSD. If it's ok to ask, have you ever tried DBT? I say that b/c I think it is really really useful for issues like you are having. (: and if you see a therapist,mdo you think you could try a few different therapists until you find one who feels like a really great match for you? A lot of people don't realize this, but a lot of what cures you in therapy is just the relationship you have with your therapist! You are dealing with a lot of tough material and I think it would feel soooo much better if you could find a patient, empathetic person to share some of it with.

Hang in there....  okay? D'= Believe me, there are SO many great people out there, they just take a little while to find...

Quote from: IamSoScared on April 24, 2014, 09:17:23 PM
Okey, I don't feel welcome at all. It feels that I seriously need to change myself. I am very shy and are alone by myself alot. Loneliness is something I didn't asked about. But...I have chronic PTSD. Which makes me extremely hard to gain trust at people. I am always in a defensive stance. Cognitive therapy doesn't work at all. I am seriously getting really depressed by they way I am as a person. There is countless of nights where I have cried in bed. I've been trying to be more social for a time a few times, but it makes me "fake" and I feel extremely scared...

Being transgender affects all of this as well. I don't know else what I should do. I didn't ask for loneliness. What ever kind of effort I do feels wasted and people is always backstabbing me...

I wish that I was a professional counsellor to offer real help.  However whenever I become too self focused I find that volunteering, helping others and focusing on them really works for me.  They appreciate my help, I feel better for the social interaction, I feel valued and I have less time to dwell in a dark place.   I think that it is worth trying as you may develop more friends, new interests and a more positive view of yourself.   From your posts there is a lot to like and am sure that there is a lot out there for you.

Aisla

I've been alone for quite a long time. It finally brought me to the psyche ward and anti depressants and anti psychotics which were a miserable failure. got on HRT and I've been fine ever since  except for a recent bout of doubt which stopped me from taking the medicine ., where upon the depression I forgot all  about came back at me like a speeding locomotive , The pain was so uniquely what I had dealt with pre HRT that I knew I better get back on HRT and it did work. Luckily my sense of loneliness has a direct relation to HRT.

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety, and with PTSD no wonder, unfortunately that can make socialising very difficult.

Quote from: IamSoScared on April 24, 2014, 09:17:23 PM
I've been trying to be more social for a time a few times, but it makes me "fake"...

I can relate to this. Years ago when I was at university I felt incredibly isolated, I really had no clue about how I could connect with people, my social skills were poop. In desperation I borrowed "How to Win Friends and Influence People", read it and tried some of the suggestions about showing interest in other people and what they were doing...wow, did I feel fake! I actually overdid it at first and came off as needy and rather pathetic so people backed off even more. Eventually got it right, but wow it took a while.

The lessons I've taken away from that time in my life were that even if I am friendly, not everyone will reciprocate or want to be my friend; some people have their own crap going on and may not be very sociable or able to socialise; some people are into cliques, if you're not in then you're not in; some people are users and/or jerks; you don't have to and cannot please everyone; good, decent people will engage with you if you give them a reason to; real friendships need to be nurtured and don't spring up overnight; people won't like you if you don't like yourself; being dependable, caring and honest are all essential ingredients for a good friendship; friendship is a two way street - the give and the get needs to be reasonably balanced over time.

If you're dealing with anxiety and trust issues I'd suggest maybe small social interactions might be more your speed at first. Personally I'm not a fan of big social gatherings where most of the interaction is small talk - I find that people I can talk with easily one on one or in small groups, I have virtually nothing to talk to about at large gatherings. Weird. So figure out what setting suits you, we can't all be big party beasts.

Last time I looked EMDR is the approved treatment for PTSD. EMDR sounds like snakeoil when you look at it, but if it's good enough for the American Psychiatric Association it's good enough for me. Worth looking into, anyway. I have PTSD, too, but mine was triggered by being in Manhattan on 9/11. I only have problems south of about 14th street so I find it easier to simply not go there. I'll need to attend to it at some point, though.

Dee

Quote from: Dee Marshall on April 25, 2014, 10:28:01 AM
Last time I looked EMDR is the approved treatment for PTSD. EMDR sounds like snakeoil when you look at it, but if it's good enough for the American Psychiatric Association it's good enough for me. Worth looking into, anyway. I have PTSD, too, but mine was triggered by being in Manhattan on 9/11. I only have problems south of about 14th street so I find it easier to simply not go there. I'll need to attend to it at some point, though.

Dee

Yeah i do EMDR, it is pretty powerful.... though my T decided I wasn't quite ready yet. To get me ready, we're going back to DBT. :x thoguh you can also build positive redources with EMDR so.

Two other treatment modalities which have good results for PTSD are somatic reexperiencing, which is used a lot in treating refugees and victims of torture and war atrocities, and TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) which my therapist taught me to use.

I have talked to my therapist, and he is saying that there is no such treatment where I live, when I mentioned those treatments. I cannot afford to move either to get treatment.

EMDR therapy works wonders!  I think the theory behind it is that the logical part of your brain knows that the traumatic event is over and in the past, but the emotional/reactionary part of your brain does not.  It aids them in communicating as you go back and relive the experience to resolve the incongruence.  It is not an obscure or costly therapy, it is actually really very simple, effective and efficient. If your counselor has never heard of it, I would be a little skeptical of his/her training or at least their desire to stay updated on the most current therapies.  After a few sessions of EMDR, my panic attacks related to a traumatic event were completely gone. Still needed to work things but the physiological responses were gone.  Please find someone and give it a try! *hugs*

My therapist knows what it is. But there is no therapists where in the area I live who knows how to do the treatment. There is in the southern part of the country, but the "state" won't pay the flight ticket to the session. They don't think that I need it, and they think that it's better to continue with cognitive ->-bleeped-<-, talk about it and take medication. They know that it doesn't work on me, but it's the best they can do.

Swedish health care at it's best...