I dont do like ""Hi I'm Diana and I'm transgender".. no I dont do that .. I don't know if it's selfish or not, it's just how I live my life .. I dont put make-up or dress girly to look like cis female , because without make-up & without girly cloth, I still look like cis female ...

anyway, I dont care either way if they know or not, I'm quite comfortable with who I am 

Quote from: eggy_nog on May 03, 2014, 03:55:29 PM
Well what do you think?? I read an article today saying this, arguing that it does nothing for the community, any achievements you make become those of cis people, you're undermining and not contributing to the work of trans activists who are campaigning for your rights...etc.

While that all may very well be true, how about a little thought experiment?
Imagine that article, or even the synopses above. Change stealth to gender expression and community to family.

Now what does it sound like?

For me, I get the same answer. People just gotta do what is right, For Them and not for others. What someone decides to do today is not absolute. Those who are stealth have been known to go public when the time and circumstances for them said so. I am sure there are plenty of Out folks that wished otherwise

Is it selfish to be stealth? Everyone is different. Some people are activists, some want to just be themselves and live somewhat normal lives, if there is such a thing. Some poeple love attention and some hate it. So pretty much it is up to an individual as to what they do with thier lives. Thank God for those activists though and thank God for those that are not scene behind the scenes and thank God for those that no one knows and just living thier lives how they want.

Quote from: antonia on May 04, 2014, 01:57:36 AM
At the end of the day you can argue that anyone that transitions is selfish, after all who are you transitioning for and would most of your friends/family be happier with you presenting the way you were born or the way you feel. I spent 20 years of my life batting this exact issue and in the end I came to the conclusion that I deserve to be happy, even if it has a slight impact on everyone else. To this point stealth can actually be a selfless act, protecting your family and significant others by going stealth can and is a very noble act.

In the end I weighed up the pros and cons, personally I'd much rather me and my family experience slight discomfort and try to reduce the 43% transgender suicide rate, I'm lucky I failed when I tried and If I can help even one person It's worth any amount of embarrassment.

I think Antonia is spot on - sorta.  There is a time when, if you can, just living life as you were meant to is not only ok but pretty essential.  Most of us have felt lonely and afraid of who we are for years.  The cis world just isn't ready for honesty unless you are both confident in yourself, and confident in your choices.  I'm not always either of these.  I have been alternately been accused of being a selfish bastard, and a selfish bitch.  In both cases it is because I am willing to pay the price required for an authentic life, and because I would choose life over psychic death.  I serve nobody if I'm dead, or cloistered in the cis closet.  I doubt if I will ever be able to go truly stealth, but if I could I would, at least for a time. 

LTL pointed out that we can support trans people without trying to save the world.  That is so true, but if in our desire to be accepted as women, we choose not to engage with other trans folks in the real world to avoid being clocked as a group, then I think we just crawl back into a new closet.  I will never be a ciswoman, I will never truly be able to pass as one entirely.  An awful lot of you are just simply beautiful young women and have that option.  To take it is not morally or ethically wrong at all and may be essential to doing mundane things like earning a living and taking care of those you love. 

I am not ashamed of who I am.  Neither am I afraid of the consequences of being identified as trans.  I am old enough to do my best to be an ambassador to anyone who wants to be educated.  Even so I do not go out of my way to be a symbol, and most certainly try to avoid people and places where I might be harmed.  I need the company of other tans people, both men and women, in my life.  You guys get me in ways that are simply not possible outside.  If you ever come to Seattle, I would love to share a cup of coffee, a meal, go shopping or to a spa with any of you.  To be authentic in public and in person with other courageous, articulate people is my dream come true.

I think that all of us are willing to participate in the body politic as it affects the trans community in our own way and in our own time.  To be honest about who I am without trying to be either a beacon or a martyr is my goal for the rest of my life. I hope it lasts a long, long time.

Julie