I tried to write it as if it were a letter, so I can have it clear in my head. Now I've got what I think is a reasonable intro, but I dont know how to put it into words that someone with no idea about gender will understand. I'd appreciate some feedback.

Dear Mum,

We've discussed in the past that there are things I struggle with, that I haven't been ready to talk to you about. Partly from fear, partly from wanting to make sure I could put it in the best words and mostly because I have wanted to make sure it was the right time for us as a family unit. I've decided now is that time.

Even when I was younger, I always felt I was different in some way from other kids, in ways I couldn't understand, but especially from other boys. I didnt relate to them and I still struggle relating to guys now. At first I thought it was because they were tougher or bigger than me, but as I got int adulthood, things became glaringly more obvious to me that I didnt fit in with them... or more so, I felt things about myself that showed I didn't fit in. As my muscles and facial hair grew and spread and I matured into an adult through puberty, I found myself having increasing issues with my body and finding myself uncomfortable looking in the mirror because my mind was telling me that what I am wasn't what I saw in my reflection. I guess other kids picked up on me being different, they often accused me of being gay or a sissy and all sorts of things you must remember from when I used to come out of school in tears.

As I became more aware of things, I began to panic. I wanted to fit in, so I tried to masculize myself. I tried beards and sports and weightlifting. I tried emmulating the tough guy thing but it all just felt so fake to me, so empty. It actually made it harder for me to live with myself trying to mold myself to something I clearly wasnt. It was causing me to become quite emotionally surpressed.

For a while, I was out to one person about what I was feeling, but I lost that friend last year as you know, and that cut my support down to almost nothing. I've decided since then that I cannot afford to keep hiding, using coping strategies and living under a mask.

I get to here before I just want to put 'Im transgender'

Try this:

"It's well understood that everyone has a place in his or her brain that understands what gender they are. In some people - they're called transgender - this piece expects them to be a different gender from their sex at birth.

For transgender people, it becomes harder and harder to live as a different gender from the one the brain expects. It's a serious condition. A lot of transgender people develop anxiety and depression, and suicide is common among people who ignore it. No one has ever found a way to make it go away, but luckily there is effective treatment available."

Do you think something like that would work?

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 11, 2014, 05:40:33 PM
Try this:

"It's well understood that everyone has a place in his or her brain that understands what gender they are. In some people - they're called transgender - this piece expects them to be a different gender from their sex at birth.

For transgender people, it becomes harder and harder to live as a different gender from the one the brain expects. It's a serious condition. A lot of transgender people develop anxiety and depression, and suicide is common among people who ignore it. No one has ever found a way to make it go away, but luckily there is effective treatment available."

Do you think something like that would work?

I dont think going in with the suicide point just yet is a good idea. My family are aware I have depression and anxiety issues and will no doubt link it to that if I bring something up like that. I think in time if they look for more information on it, I will inform them of that aspect but not just yet

Quote from: jaybutterfly on May 11, 2014, 05:12:52 PM
I tried to write it as if it were a letter, so I can have it clear in my head. Now I've got what I think is a reasonable intro, but I dont know how to put it into words that someone with no idea about gender will understand. I'd appreciate some feedback.

Dear Mum,

We've discussed in the past that there are things I struggle with, that I haven't been ready to talk to you about. Partly from fear, partly from wanting to make sure I could put it in the best words and mostly because I have wanted to make sure it was the right time for us as a family unit. I've decided now is that time.

Even when I was younger, I always felt I was different in some way from other kids, in ways I couldn't understand, but especially from other boys. I didnt relate to them and I still struggle relating to guys now. At first I thought it was because they were tougher or bigger than me, but as I got int adulthood, things became glaringly more obvious to me that I didnt fit in with them... or more so, I felt things about myself that showed I didn't fit in. As my muscles and facial hair grew and spread and I matured into an adult through puberty, I found myself having increasing issues with my body and finding myself uncomfortable looking in the mirror because my mind was telling me that what I am wasn't what I saw in my reflection. I guess other kids picked up on me being different, they often accused me of being gay or a sissy and all sorts of things you must remember from when I used to come out of school in tears.

As I became more aware of things, I began to panic. I wanted to fit in, so I tried to masculize myself. I tried beards and sports and weightlifting. I tried emmulating the tough guy thing but it all just felt so fake to me, so empty. It actually made it harder for me to live with myself trying to mold myself to something I clearly wasnt. It was causing me to become quite emotionally surpressed.

For a while, I was out to one person about what I was feeling, but I lost that friend last year as you know, and that cut my support down to almost nothing. I've decided since then that I cannot afford to keep hiding, using coping strategies and living under a mask.

I get to here before I just want to put 'Im transgender'

I think it is well worded. Now the aftermath, let your mother know that this dosen't necessarily mean you like guys, (gender identitiy and sexual prefrence are not the same thing. To put it bluntly one is what you want to wake up as the other who you want to wake up with). Also have an after plan why are you telling your mother. Is it to have a sholder to cry on when things are getting to stressful for you

Quote from: jaybutterfly on May 11, 2014, 05:12:52 PM
For a while, I was out to one person about what I was feeling, but I lost that friend last year as you know, and that cut my support down to almost nothing. I've decided since then that I cannot afford to keep hiding, using coping strategies and living under a mask.

Or are you wishing to look into cousiling or start transitioning, if you have a plan on where you are going it may help her understand more

It's a good letter/"script"...my only doubt is that it tries to justify yourself a bit too much. It's fair enough to say you haven't related to other boys/men - I think that's a fairly common experience for a lot of trans women, myself included - but then it very likely is for a lot of cis men too. Maybe angle it more that you never related to being a boy or a man, even though you tried to cope through male activities they never felt right. I know it's a fine distinction, but otherwise it seems fine, just speak from your heart and don't over rationalise it.

I think it's good, Not to my taste xD Not the way I would do it because I'm clearly a different type of person. I just straight out told the people I wanted to tell and those I don't like who are in my life (Aka mum) gonna tell her AFTER I start hormones and have breasts LOL! Think it'll be funny as hell and if she has a problem with it. She'll have to deal with it won't she, not my problem. But I can still appreciate that letter is real good and well written. It makes it VERY clear that this isn't a phase and it does really mean a lot to you, not something to just be swept under the rug.

I really do think you should however add a small big at the end describing what transgender is or what it isn't. A lot of people in my area think very badly of the transgender topic. But in truth they're very open and accepting about the transgender topic. By that confusing statement I mean transgender means so many different things. And to many people Including me! My understand of transgender was VERY, VERY, VERY wrong. I used to not be keen with the idea of transgender stuff (If people wanted to do what I used to think transgender meant, then alright but it really wasn't something I would want to be near. Let alone be!) but when I found out the true meaning of transgender it had a vastly different meaning and not just something I would straight out accept in a person, something I felt I was and not ashamed of anymore because of my new understanding of the word and it's meaning.   

It's like I thought the word "hello" meant "F-off" and all of a sudden I and those I my life suddenly find out "hello" is a nice greeting! When I used the word transgender to those who like me didn't understand it, they found it hard to understand. But when I explained what transgender was! They were like OH, thats fine lol.... Makes sense too! And just continued to love me if not love me more.
It might avoid some nasty un-needed tears and explanation if you let them know transgender might not be what they think it is as the word has many hats.

When I wrote my letter I looked around for other peoples' to get inspiration, this was the best I came across. When I read it I just wanted to copy it word for word it just fit so well.
Might help!

http://www.autostraddle.com/and-i-do-mean-all-my-life-a-trans-coming-out-letter-160349/2/

Quote from: Blue Rabbit on May 11, 2014, 07:10:55 PM
I think it's good, Not to my taste xD Not the way I would do it because I'm clearly a different type of person. I just straight out told the people I wanted to tell and those I don't like who are in my life (Aka mum) gonna tell her AFTER I start hormones and have breasts LOL! Think it'll be funny as hell and if she has a problem with it. She'll have to deal with it won't she, not my problem. But I can still appreciate that letter is real good and well written. It makes it VERY clear that this isn't a phase and it does really mean a lot to you, not something to just be swept under the rug.

I really do think you should however add a small big at the end describing what transgender is or what it isn't. A lot of people in my area think very badly of the transgender topic. But in truth they're very open and accepting about the transgender topic. By that confusing statement I mean transgender means so many different things. And to many people Including me! My understand of transgender was VERY, VERY, VERY wrong. I used to not be keen with the idea of transgender stuff (If people wanted to do what I used to think transgender meant, then alright but it really wasn't something I would want to be near. Let alone be!) but when I found out the true meaning of transgender it had a vastly different meaning and not just something I would straight out accept in a person, something I felt I was and not ashamed of anymore because of my new understanding of the word and it's meaning.   

It's like I thought the word "hello" meant "F-off" and all of a sudden I and those I my life suddenly find out "hello" is a nice greeting! When I used the word transgender to those who like me didn't understand it, they found it hard to understand. But when I explained what transgender was! They were like OH, thats fine lol.... Makes sense too! And just continued to love me if not love me more.
It might avoid some nasty un-needed tears and explanation if you let them know transgender might not be what they think it is as the word has many hats.

well thats the thing, Im looking for a good way to describe what transgender is/isnt to someone who doesnt know what it is haha.

Also not attempting to sound rude but, 'taste?' We all experience gender differently anyway right XD I personally dont feel transition is an option and while its something Im looking at (with caution) I do feel the main reason I am telling now is because the way this is effecting me is making me feel very isolated in my own home, where I am unable to be myself. That's the main problem I have.

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 11, 2014, 07:04:08 PM
It's a good letter/"script"...my only doubt is that it tries to justify yourself a bit too much. It's fair enough to say you haven't related to other boys/men - I think that's a fairly common experience for a lot of trans women, myself included - but then it very likely is for a lot of cis men too. Maybe angle it more that you never related to being a boy or a man, even though you tried to cope through male activities they never felt right. I know it's a fine distinction, but otherwise it seems fine, just speak from your heart and don't over rationalise it.

Thanks. Yeah I do have a habit of overly rationalizing stuff. Then again my family has always worked on rational over emotional so Im trying to find a way to appeal to that. I'll do some more revisions since this is a first draft

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 11, 2014, 06:54:16 PM
I think it is well worded. Now the aftermath, let your mother know that this dosen't necessarily mean you like guys, (gender identitiy and sexual prefrence are not the same thing. To put it bluntly one is what you want to wake up as the other who you want to wake up with). Also have an after plan why are you telling your mother. Is it to have a sholder to cry on when things are getting to stressful for you Or are you wishing to look into cousiling or start transitioning, if you have a plan on where you are going it may help her understand more

Right now Im in the processing of strarting psychiatric counselling in the next few weeks, with the gender issues sadly being treated secondary to my depression and anxiety. I don't want to rush head long into anything so Ive spent a year or so looking at transition prospects and what I can do to make this more managable for myself (that includes crossdressing whenever I got chance, especially when the feelings were getting out of control) and opening up to my closest friends who would support me