The opportunity for me to work something of a "dream job" as an engineer in a mountain ski town has arisen, but the timing is awkward. I'm planning to start transitioning right around the time I would be starting the new job. What do all you lovely people think of this situation?

Regarding the office, it's small. There are 10 engineers, all male. However, they seem to be very focused on design skills rather than seniority or work style. The town is small (less than 2000 people), somewhat remote, but in a traditionally live-and-let-live state. (Colorado)

The initial interview went really well, and I think a job offer is a real possibility. My thought right now is that I should negotiate as normal, and bring up my intent to transition when there is an offer on the table but before accepting. I don't want to risk a firing based on any objection they might have to employing a trans woman; my wife has Leukemia, and we can't afford to put our health insurance coverage at risk.

So, what does everyone think? How should I approach this potential job offer?

Hi Will

I very strongly believe that you should not discuss your transition at all.  I know how much we want to be true and open, but it's really very possible that the engineers will just not want to have a "freak" amongst them.  That's how they might see it.   And let's be honest, they have nothing to lose at this time by not offering you a job.

You need to negotiate from a position of maximum strength, reducing all doubts to an absolute minimum, and emphasising how appropriate you are for the role.

Transitioning is not a terribly rapid process, so you can start transitioning on the job, and if your company is anything like mine, they won't notice a thing for quite some time, probably closer to a year (unless you do something radical like FFS!)   That time will allow you to become part of the team, to demonstrate your ability, to become a trusted colleague.  You don't necessarily need to be a "real man", just a genuine colleague.   And once you have become an integral part of the team, it's much more likely that your job will be secure when you announce your intentions.

You might want to have a look at a thread I started here about 2 months ago.  It's not entirely aligned with your situation, but it is an engineering company:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,159687.0.html

I'm really happy to discuss this further with you, look at scenarios, risks etc. 

Hugs
Julia

How honest should I be with others? That's a tricky subject. I would be inclined to accept the offer but not mention the transition. The reality is that your transitioning is not related to your ability as an engineer.

Like any other job, there will be a period of time for others to get to know your skills and your value to the organization. It sounds like your transitioning would not be apparent to your colleagues until after a period of time when you have received some sort of review. Hopefully at that point, whatever misgivings folks may have would be offset by your value to the company.

Of course, this is just my opinion. I am fortunate to work from home which makes this less of an issue to my employer.

Quote from: Will on May 13, 2014, 02:12:07 PM

So, what does everyone think? How should I approach this potential job offer?

Hello, I don't think anyone mentioned before, but doesn't Colorado have very strong non-discrimination laws that include transgender status? If so, then your transition is not an issue that needs bringing up at any stage until you desire to inform them, which, technically, you do not have to do at any point. I imagine most transgender people who live in states with protections eventually do inform workers in the name of workplace harmony. But then it's a courtesy rather than a requirement.

Bringing it up beforehand opens the door to behind doors discrimination.

My best to you and to your wife.

Jane

When you say "start transition", do you mean start HRT? Or actually start living as a woman? The former won't be that noticeable for probably a year depending on how you wear your clothes. The critical timeline is when you think you will want to start living as a woman, of it's a year down the track then I don't know if mentioning it up front is all that relevant to your negotiations. I agree with Jane though, find out what the anti-discrimination laws are like in that state so you know your rights. All the best.

I'm with Julia, if its not relevant to the performance of the job and you are not ready to go full time or even technically "in transition" yet, then there is no reason to bring it up.  Save it for down the road when you either have more leverage/standing, or even when you ARE ready to be full time F either at this job or to jump to another where they will only know you as a woman.

Good luck!

I agree with the others.  There is no reason to discuss your upcoming transition yet.  People tend to be misinformed about things and who knows what could be going through their minds. 

Apply for the job as you are now, don't bring up that your transition, and let your merits speak for themselves.  Then when you get the job and become friends with your coworkers, they will get to know you as a person, helping you to better approach them with this in the future. 

Hi Will,

Don't. Go as far as you can in the hiring process and weight your options.
I'm in the salary negociation phase for a new job and haven't told the new company pip and started my transition.
They might just think I'm slightly gay with polished nails (now short), purple themed shirts, long hair and wiggling butt. In the best case they haven't noticed anything.
If you want to test the water, try one not so flashy shirts for example.
The candidate's character is also important during the hiring process.

Sonia

Thank you, everyone, for your advice. Everyone's words of caution have definitely made me think twice about coming out prior to (potentially) accepting a job offer.
A little more background, I'm going to be starting HRT next month. Although Colorado does have protections for trans* folks, I know there are plenty of ways to get rid of an employee for other, legal, reasons. I just want to make sure I maintain a trusting relationship with the people I work with.
Then again, a lot can happen in six months, and I think the consensus here is correct: I should keep my transition plans close to the vest as long as is practical.
I'm so glad you are all here to listen and offer advice!