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What made you unhappy today? 5.0

Started by V M, March 22, 2014, 04:54:41 AM

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Allyda

Quote from: Shantel on May 23, 2014, 08:08:09 PM
Hang in there Allyda, I have one just like that, I think every family has one!
Thanks Auntie. I tell you, that woman's like a black hole -sucks the energy right out of ya!!, lol! Sorry it's not funny but if I don't laugh about it I'll cry. Anyway I hope to see my SO again today but idk when.

Ally :icon_flower:
Allyda
Full Time August 2009
HRT Dec 27 2013
VFS [ ? ]
FFS [ ? ]
SRS Spring 2015



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Bombadil

I'm having a flare. I want to work out. I want to do yard work. I have the energy but my body hurts and I'm afraid of pushing it over the edge. My brain says push through it, but that doesn't work with this condition. Not moving doesn't work either so I will be walking my dog but that's not the same. I may push through it anyway. I hate this. And for years my go-to thought has been "I hate my body". And I'm trying to change that thought pattern. I hate my body so much less now that I've decided to transition, but at times like now those thoughts come surging up






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Apples Mk.II

Having suicidal ideations since waking up. Wishing some accident would happen and do what I can only imagine. Also, the pain. Can't go down the stairs, and just very carefully take them up. I'm going to hope my knee is not giving up before me and it can be blamed on not stretching before and after running.
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big kim

Got to spend the day watching a dance festival tomorrow.I'll be bored ->-bleeped-<-less
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Shana-chan

So many unhappy posts! So few happy posts! Hang in there everyone! This dark time you're having will pass and things will get better sooner or later so hang in there!

What made me unhappy today?
It's a beautiful day today, the wind isn't too bad, it's warmer than I'd like and I should be in town today even though all I really need is an alarm clock but planned to have fun too, yet, this requires me to shave my freakishly hairy legs (since I'd planned to wear a skirt or dress), plus shave my arms and chest which thankfully aren't as hairy since I shave those every 2-5 days. I also have to flat iron my hair too, and sadly I can't get my crazy think hair to be flat and beautiful for long depending on whether conditions and wind. So much work to do and I'd still have to walk to the places I want to go too, probably with a water bottle being carried to avoid heat stroke. So much work to do and today I just want to get out but, don't have much motivation to do so. In other words, I probably won't get to go out to town today. :( *Sigh*
"Denial will get people no where."
"Don't look to the here & now but rather, to the unknown future & hope on that vs. the here & now."
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Umiko

I'm super exhausted,my bed is screaming my name but i'm stuvk on a boat ._. Why did i wake up today lol
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Adam (birkin)

Gaaaaah. I was feeling sad today so I decided to bake a loaf to take my mind off things and have something that tasted good.

I forgot the baking soda. I imagine it will be hard as a rock.  :'(
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King Malachite

My period just came on.

My mother's drinking habits.

My boss seemingly going to keep me at the one station I despise and have a hard time with.

My tv isn't picking up channels so I have to watch the UFC prelims in the living room.

-I'm tired (but I'm not going to miss the fights)
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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Edge

I talked to someone. Note to self: do not talk to people about problems. Especially when I'm having a hard enough time not going on a socially unacceptable rant.
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Megan Joanne

Woke up this morning to get ready for work, decided to do my stretching exercises as I have been since starting last week. Just a few minutes into it, I'm done on the floor, one leg up towards the ceiling, my hand reaching up towards my toes, suddenly my heart starts fluttering, feeling like its having issues with getting the beats right, did this several times. Took my breath away, does it every time. Its been a while since this last happened to me, and I felt like crap after that for a while, nerves shot to hell and very weak. My mom thought I should stay home, but I had to go in, truck today, I was needed there (friggin' super busy day).

While at work I had some horrible anxiety, hormone withdrawals of coarse, otherwise I wouldn't be feeling this bad. And it was so damn humid today, brief showers making it much worst as the day dragged on, unloading the truck seemed to take forever. I absolutely hate the heat, makes me sick feeling and I don't like being all sweaty, especially with my clothes sticking to me. Summer is not even here really, I dread July and August. Once the truck was finally done and I was able to sit down for a brief 10 minute break while I was still tired, worn out like hell, somehow it was enough to refresh me, just enough to work out some HBC before my work day was over with.

While unloading the truck, my boss constantly back and forth, a few minutes helping me, then running up to the front of the store to deal with lines that were backed up, then back to me and so forth until it was finished, at one point she asked me if I had thought more about the assistant manager position that she had offered me a couple weeks before. I told her, so much as I'd really want to take it (this only for the higher pay, a few more bucks I think than what I'm making now) I can't, as it is I already explained to her my problem with people, and my mind is not stable enough for such a responsibility. I told her, if I didn't already have a job there and this was the only thing available and I really desperately needed the job I'd probably had given it a shot, but I can't afford to go for something I don't have confidence in doing and then screw it up and end up losing the only job I have, as measly as it is. I had mentioned to her how almost every job I've ever had, they always wanted to make me a supervisor or manager, I always turned them down. I feel safe doing what I know. I told her I was scared, simple as that. She said, we'll train you. So tempting, because I know she's trying to help me out, but I had to decline.

I get so pissed at myself for my lack of courage when it comes to this kind of stuff, because I'm holding myself back. But seriously, putting someone like me, even though I'm very responsible, there when I'm supposed to be, never need be told to do anything or how to do it, I get straight to work doing what needs to be done, I fluster easily, am way too much of an emotional wreck, and have had too many times where I became self-destructive, that includes sabotaging my own job just to hurt myself.

I was so darn exhausted, from my anxiety, then the heat, that while working out merchandise I kept tearing up, had too much on my mind. I still don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with my life, I fricking going on 40, what the hell! I was feeling so bad that if someone came up to me then and asked me out I may've come closer to saying yes. Thought for sure, when I get home I was going straight to bed, after a shower of coarse. Nope, didn't. Took a shower, then did my stretches, I was fine this time. After my mom got off my laptop I started cross-stitching. This helps, being a very focused project, to keep my mind off of the things that are bothering me, most of the time. Though sometimes I just start cursing loudly, I was okay, so far tonight with it. Always helps to listen to some music videos I like on Youtube as well while stitching.
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Shantel

I'm sorry you suffer so much, you probably need a chat with a doctor about this and see what's going on with you, personally I find it worrisome and you seem like such a nice little woman. I hope you can get some help dear.
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GnomeKid

Stupid student directors and their not understanding that sound takes time.

Stupid sound crew members who somehow seem to do the opposite of whats a logical way to spend time, and somehow seem to miss huge chunks of information in conversations.... like when we told the director we'd conform to his new edit by the end of the night and then i leave and come back only to find him working on the old edit.  WE TALKED ABOUT MOVING TO THE NEW PICTURE RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT!!! what?!

I hate being a supervisor.
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Oh what a cute little girl, or boy if you grow up and feel thats whats inside you" - Liz Lemon

Happy to be queer!    ;)
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immortal gypsy

Quote from: GnomeKid on May 24, 2014, 09:45:45 PM
Stupid student directors and their not understanding that sound takes time.

Stupid sound crew members who somehow seem to do the opposite of whats a logical way to spend time, and somehow seem to miss huge chunks of information in conversations.... like when we told the director we'd conform to his new edit by the end of the night and then i leave and come back only to find him working on the old edit.  WE TALKED ABOUT MOVING TO THE NEW PICTURE RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT!!! what?!

I hate being a supervisor.

As someone who has held supervisor manager positions. Allow me to give you some advice. "If it comes to a choice it is far safer to be feared then loved". No more Mr. Nice Boss you may hate yourself for doing it they may not like it but it sounds like it's time to rant and rave and get them into line. It is also a good stress relief for any build up your having on the project itself
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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GnomeKid

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 24, 2014, 11:13:44 PM
As someone who has held supervisor manager positions. Allow me to give you some advice. "If it comes to a choice it is far safer to be feared then loved". No more Mr. Nice Boss you may hate yourself for doing it they may not like it but it sounds like it's time to rant and rave and get them into line. It is also a good stress relief for any build up your having on the project itself

yea... at this point the project will be over after tomorrow night, so I'm still trying not to make any enemies  through it all...

That is definitely good advice though.. I've gotten myself into a few bad spots on this project because of just being too nice about things.  I got thrown into a supervisor role through a class assignment.... I'm really very inexperienced at supervision....
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Oh what a cute little girl, or boy if you grow up and feel thats whats inside you" - Liz Lemon

Happy to be queer!    ;)
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Jenny07

Feeling sick, have aches and bad headache. :(
Slept in until 11am as dead to the world.
So long and thanks for all the fish
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Lauren5

Feeling really self concious about my body, particularly the lack of shorts in my wardrobe and my breast size.
A few weeks ago, I was happy with where they were for only a few weeks in. Now, they haven't changed at all. I have to watch what shirts I wear, can't wear anything V neck, otherwise it'll be obvious that I'm faking it.
Hey, you've reached Lauren's signature! If you have any questions, want to talk, or just need a shoulder to cry on, leave me a message, and I'll get back to you.
*beep*

Full time: 12/12/13
Started hormones: 26/3/14
FFS: No clue, winter/spring 2014/15 maybe?
SRS: winter/spring 2014/15?
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V M

Feeling sad and wondering what the hecks?  :-\
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
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barbie

Quote from: Jenny07 on May 25, 2014, 02:39:02 AM
Feeling sick, have aches and bad headache. :(
Slept in until 11am as dead to the world.

Sleeping enough is essential for maintaining your health!

barbie~~
Just do it.
  • skype:barbie?call
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Ltl89

Have to see a family member in like a few minutes that I haven't seen since December.  I hate this because I look so different from then and it's pretty obvious I'm transitioning.  It wouldn't freak me out so much if they were someone that doesn't comment on stuff, but they aren't afraid to make comments if they notice something.  So freaked out right now.  I can't wait for all these things to just be an uncomfortable memory and to finally be done with all this sort of stuff. 
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Shantel

Quote from: learningtolive on May 25, 2014, 01:11:37 PM
Have to see a family member in like a few minutes that I haven't seen since December.  I hate this because I look so different from then and it's pretty obvious I'm transitioning.  It wouldn't freak me out so much if they were someone that doesn't comment on stuff, but they aren't afraid to make comments if they notice something.  So freaked out right now.  I can't wait for all these things to just be an uncomfortable memory and to finally be done with all this sort of stuff.

Poor child! Keep us posted on that issue, maybe you'll be surprised.
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