I'm kinda ''happy'' with how I look and my body.
Though I hate having breasts, that's the only thing I don't like. I don't really want a mans physique, and I don't want bottom-surgery, I'm fine looking like a teenage boy.
I just get down by societys influences on everything (that's why I'm happy as long as I stay inside by myself, and don't experience how things are perceived and not, (not that that's a way to live though)
I go outside, and I experience how things are I start to get insecure and unhappy etc because of it.
I don't want to be sexualized, but no one can tell what's in my pants when I look like a guy on the outside (soon enough at least), so I don't care about that part.
But I think that being so sexualized is something that hangs on from before I 'transitioned", because I had a really girly phase, where I tried really hard being the female society wants (lol), and I ended up looking like Scarlett Johanson, so I got so much attention, just walking down the streets were like 5 car horns beeping at me just when I was going to the store, and I got a thrill out of it, but it wasn't of course what I wanted or who I was inside. So I got used to so much attention I feel like that is still how people see me I guess.
The thing is though, I can't picture my future... I don't know if I might switch back to being woman, or just... not live at all. I can't picture myself as male either.
Maybe testosteron won't seem scary at all when I hit like... 25, who knows. I think it's about taking all the steps, and I'm not fully matured into it.
But I think I'm thinking too much about all of this. I should just relax in myself... though it seems impossible