So I had my first session today with my gender therapist and on one of the forms I filled out, it asked me what my desired outcome or goal I was expecting to get out of therapy.  To be honest, I'm not fully sure.  Part of me wants to transition, another part still thinks it's too extreme.  So I left it blank and she later questioned me on it and I told her the truth that I wasn't sure.  But I'm wondering, if I later DO decide that transition is what I truly want, if she'll be hesitant to recommend hormones because I wasn't absolutely 110% sure from the get go?

My opening line to my therapist was 'Tell me I'm nuts. I don't want to be trans.'

Hormones came in time with no issues.. And here I am, almost 4 years later, a mostly happy woman..

I wouldn't worry about it. If you're unsure, you're unsure. This is what therapy is for. Just talk openly and honestly and the topic of transition will come up frequently. Presumably your therapist knows what issue you are there for.

I wouldn't worry. The other classic that therapists get from MtF is 'can you help me be a man?'
The answer is usually, 'I can't change your brain to suit your body, but I can help you change your body to suit your brain.'

No, I don't think you've done yourself any harm, in fact, it probably was the best thing to say.  Honesty with your therapist can only help you understand yourself and help you come to the right decisions for your own health.

Hope you build up a good rapport and quickly come to understanding yourself.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 29, 2014, 02:12:09 AM
I wouldn't worry about it. If you're unsure, you're unsure. This is what therapy is for. Just talk openly and honestly and the topic of transition will come up frequently. Presumably your therapist knows what issue you are there for.

Pretty much what I was going to say.  If you're unsure, the you're unsure, and therapy probably wouldn't hurt, especially with regards to finding out where you want it to go.  You'd be shooting yourself in the foot by tilting your unsure state in one direction or another, as opposed to being honest about your situation.

No you didn't shoot yourself in the foot. If you have any hesitation it's best to confront that now with your therapist. Once you start hormones they're really is no turning back it does change you. So talk these doubts out and make sure this is what you want then decide of this is the right coarse for you.

IMO, if this caused problems, you have the wrong therapist. Your therapist is to help you discover what you want, not to use your own words against you. Any therapist that does that is gatekeeping.

I think you're OK, but, as with any therapist, keep your eyes and ears open. If you have concerns, don't dismiss them.

I really don't think you shot yourself in the foot. If you're not sure, you're not sure. That is what therapy is for is to find out what you really want.

Not at all, honest open frank conversation with your therapist is essential, besides many of them have an extremely well trained BS detector and they can pick up on any lying fairly quickly. If you had simply acquiesced to group-think peer pressure driving you toward transition and lied to achieve that end without really exploring your true inner being about the matter, then you might really be shooting yourself in the foot like more than a few have done before you.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 29, 2014, 06:58:12 AM
IMO, if this caused problems, you have the wrong therapist. Your therapist is to help you discover what you want, not to use your own words against you. Any therapist that does that is gatekeeping.

I think you're OK, but, as with any therapist, keep your eyes and ears open. If you have concerns, don't dismiss them.

Exactly.  A good therapist knows that situations, including what's best for any one person, is always subject to change.  When I first went to see my therapist about this, I was certain I wanted certain surgeries, but not completely on board with hormones (I'm a trained singer, and my 5-octave range had been a *major* part of my personal identity --and even after I got on board with the hormones, i still needed to sort that out with myself, and to this day I *still* struggle with it, it helped a lot when it finally dawned on me [something I had actually suspected since I was about ten] that Kate Bush and a few other women singers known for a high soprano are actually singing in a falsetto voice rather than their natural range --falsetto is especially apparent in [ostensibly cis-] male singers, because it's not something people are used to), and she was cool on giving me the letter when I changed my mind.

I think you said the right thing by being honest.  This is about doing what's best for you and honesty is a part of finding what that is.  I highly doubt that your response would prevent you from getting treatment should you wish to go down that road at a later point. 

Quote from: Cindy on May 29, 2014, 02:13:24 AMI can't change your brain to suit your body, but I can help you change your body to suit your brain.

That is the most succinct and accurate explanation I've ever seen.  What a great way to help people understand what is going on in transition.

You did exactly the right thing, Jessica.  If there's one person you should be absolutely honest with, it's your therapist.  He or she is (or should be) someone who looks at you from a neutral, unbiased position and can help you through this without any preconceptions or emotional attachment.  Friends, family - they're useful to talk to, but they do have a nasty habit of steering you towards what they want you to be, not what you want to be.  Just look at the number of stories of parents and other family members who disown trans children and siblings unless they repent and stop being trans.   

Because the therapist is someone who is neutral, you really have nothing to hide.  The worst thing you could do is pretend that you're something you're not - therapists aren't mind readers, and if you go into therapy pretending that you're 100% sure, the therapist might wrongly assume that you're more gung-ho about transition than you really are.

I doubt seriously any legitimate gender therapist would hold you to what you wrote on that initial intake form.  The purpose of therapy is to work through issues, to develop as a person, and if that development is that you're committed to transitioning after all, then so be it.

My own therapist has told me that he is most comfortable with clients who are still unsure - it's a good indicator that the client understands already the gravity of transition.  It's no small process, and it's not to be taken lightly.  Clients who come in basically asking for a letter, he's more concerned about because they might be rushing into something that they really haven't worked through properly.  Generalizations, but illustrative of the fact that uncertainty about transition is a good thing, not a bad thing.

I'd also suggest trying to pin down your uncertainty.  Are you uncertain about being trans, or are you uncertain about whether or not you want to transition?  There's a huge difference.  For me, I'm 100% certain I'm trans, but I'm not 100% certain I want to transition.  If there was a way of stabilizing my mind and becoming content with my body without transition, then I'd take it in a second.  The process of transitioning is an immense undertaking, largely irreversible, and there are many trans people who are trans inside their heads but take no (or few) steps to actually transition.  It works for them.

But to answer your question - finally - I fully agree with the other posters in this thread.  No good therapist will withhold endocrinology referral letters based upon your initial uncertainty.  If, after enough therapy, you come to the conclusion that you do want to transition, then you'll have no trouble getting that letter.  The therapist isn't there to rubber stamp letters for every person who walks in the door and proclaims that they are trans.  The therapist is there to work precisely with people like you, who are questioning things, and help them to come to the right decision for their unique circumstances.

On a side note, enjoy the therapy.  It'll have its ups and downs, its uncomfortable questions, and its moments of uplifting revelation.  It's part of transitioning in its own way.  Open up to the therapist, be brutally honest, because he or she is not judging you.  It really is an amazing journey, and you should look forward to each and every session, tears and laughter and frustration and all.   

As others have said - it's perfectly normal to go to a therapist with uncertainties - after all, if you were certain you wouldn't need the therapist, right? They expect uncertainty and a part of their job is to help guide you to a place of certainty about things. When I first went to therapy I thought that I was bigender and I the purpose of seeing her was to get some advice on how to deal with what I was feeling. 3 months later I walked out of her office certain that I was a transsexual 

Quote from: __________ on May 30, 2014, 07:08:39 AM
On a side note, enjoy the therapy.  It'll have its ups and downs, its uncomfortable questions, and its moments of uplifting revelation.  It's part of transitioning in its own way.  Open up to the therapist, be brutally honest, because he or she is not judging you.  It really is an amazing journey, and you should look forward to each and every session, tears and laughter and frustration and all.   

This is one of the greatest parts of therapy. It is a chance to find out who you really are, and how the outside world sees and perceives you in a non-threatening environment. My own therapist still provides fascinating nuggets of information about me a year after we started seeing each other, and for this reason I really look forward to our session each month.

I won't kid you though - therapy will reveal some things about yourself that you won't like/will have to work on, and you may actually feel angry at your therapist from time to time. The therapist may give you advice that you think is really bad; mine did that to me and I thought she was nuts. Every time I later discovered that she was 100% correct in what she had told me.

A good therapist will assign homework that takes you out of your comfort zone. Mine sent me to a indoor ritzy mall in Beverly Hills to walk around en femme - the purpose of that was for me to get comfortable in my own skin. And I survived the experience 

So be sure to enjoy the therapy 

With the OP permission, how many do/did enjoy therapy?

I have to say there appears a minority who don't.

And yes a lot who are fearful when they start.

But in my experience many trans love talking to their therapist - to a point of clogging up the system

Cindy, I found him very useful early on, but progressively less useful as I just got on with life. And yes, I did enjoy it. It was useful, challenging and sometimes outright hard work. But, on the whole, I enjoyed it. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it.. I don't think I'd have made it..

I didn't ever see a "gender therapist" per se, however I did see a female VA counselor for PTSD issues on an almost weekly basis for seven years and we discussed my gender issues at length, so I was able to kill two birds with one stone as she and the VA endocrinologist produced letters for my Orchiectomy and for my SRS that I later sidestepped. It's on file with Marcie Bowers just in case I change my mind at some future date. So in that respect it was helpful although I was pretty clear in my mind what I wanted to do from the outset, so it was more like an exercise of just verbalizing it to someone to clarify it in my own mind as well as hers.

I flat out told my gender therapist when I first started seeing her that I have no clue other then to try to sort out what is best for me to do given all the massive conflicting needs in my life. I wish I could be sure what is the "right" thing for me to do. I also know I have a totally horrible track record at that

Quote from: Cindy on May 30, 2014, 09:09:22 AM
With the OP permission, how many do/did enjoy therapy?

I have to say there appears a minority who don't.

And yes a lot who are fearful when they start.

But in my experience many trans love talking to their therapist - to a point of clogging up the system

I guess I really like therapy. I'm not really close to many people so I keep my business really private. I've always felt like I've had two different lives but only displayed the one. It is nice to finally be able to share and talk and discuss my other life, the secret one, with someone else w/o having to worry about being judged, insulted or embarrassed about it.