Granted. Your being put on trial on accounts of robbing the national treasure bank
i wish i didnt have a migraine

Granted... You walk into a pole and knock yourself out, when you wake the migraine is gone but now you have a painful knot in your head

I wish whatever I wanted to eat would magically appear when I wanted it

Granted, but something got messed up and it keeps sending more than you asked for and soon your apartment and neighbors have to move top make room for it all.

I wish wishes came true.

Granted! Happy times! And then someone wishes for everything and everyone to turn into grilled cheese.

I wish i knew why this owl flying around my neighbourhood is screaming

Granted. Now you have a pack of wolves howling at the moon all night long and will attack you if you step outside
I wish my foot wasnt itching so much

Granted, you now have no foot.

I wish, I could find my bank card

Granted but when you do find it,it will have been used as a puppies chew toy.

I wish I had some ice cream for my pie.

Granted. But you get so much ice cream you can't even find your pie and it's oozing everywhere

I wish my house was warm

Granted but it is now a tent in the middle of the Sahara

I wish I could catch up on all the back log of work I have to do.

Granted, but your boss increases your work load.

I Wish my teeth were healthier

Granted... Your teeth are so perfect that you are constantly hounded by people wanting to see them and you have no privacy

I wish more people understood my kinda wacky sense of humour

Granted.
Sadly your sense of humour became a world wide phenomena to the extent no further intelligent thought, work or actions were ever processed in the world. With everyone in the world totally incapacitated through constant laughter, the natural bush land and forests took over the world. Mankind then became extinct.

I wish Hershey's chocolate syrup plant would set up in Australia. 

Granted. the factory blew up and caused everyone and everything to turn into inedible chocolate objects
wish my computer wasnt lagging

granted, but now it has no screen

I wish I didn't think too much

Granted now you don't think at all. (Don't fret thou you are now perfect for a career in politics)

I wish I was ruler of the universe

Granted, but this gives you a greater perspective on reality. You see that the universe itself is insignificant compared to all existences, and what you thought was everything that existed turned out to be just one grain of sand on the beach of realty. And what you thought was ultimate power turned out to be pretty pathetic in the new perspective.

I wish dr who was real.

Granted.  While the White Guardian has the Dr. K9 and Romwna searching for for the key to time. The cybermen choose this time to visit Earth.  Prepare to be upgraded

I wish to have the power to control life and death

Granted, you mistakenly wish death upon your immortal self and cause time to stand still. 

I wish I knew what my work schedule was for today.

Granted, but you miss the call to tell you no to bother turning up because ther has been an emergancey and the door will be locked.

I wish i had a job

Granted but it literally pays in peanuts and requires 90 hour workweeks.

I wish I had correct stamps to get all my bills paid.