I'm nearly five months into HRT, but just recently the reality of transition has been starting to hit home.

For various reasons (mostly good) I'm trying to last as long as I can before going full time, another 18 months according to the plan, and that's already a year off the previous plan

I've been lucky with what HRT has done for me so far, I love what it's doing for every part of my body and my mind too, people tell me how much I've changed, how thin (for a guy) I've become.  Given time I hope HRT will do more.

But at the same time I've kind of been overwhelmed by all kinds of anxieties about the future.  I'm going home to tell my family in the summer, I have a mortgage, and I worry whether I'll be able to find a job after I go full time.

And at the same time as I love what HRT is doing, I've been worried about how obvious the changes will become when I'm still living and working for the most part as male.  It's been getting me down a lot.


But then I had a mini-epiphany. 

Would I prefer that HRT had no discernible effects? No!
Do I have time to worry about future employment? Yes!
Will my family accept me? How can I know till I tell them!

That kind of covers most things.  Now it's time to enjoy the clarity and enjoy life

I have the same worries, I think it is normal. I also plan on going a fair bit of time before I go full time, but I don't even know how possible that is, my breasts are growing very large.....Still it seems like outcomes are just better when you take your time and try and get everything setup and organized before you have to deal with it; time is very helpful.

Hi Hikari

Likewise with the breasts.  One of my colleagues keeps looking at them lol

I guess we just keep our eyes on the destination and enjoy the journey

Transition is all about risk/reward, fear/anticipation, joy/despair, loneliness/fellowship.  I'm twenty months into HRT and go live at work next week.  It took me a long time to become comfortable with what might go wrong.  Turns out most of my fears have not come to pass.

My marriage is ending, but I knew that was likely going in.  My wife is not a lesbian, and wants to be married to a man.  Sucks, but I don't blame her at all. 

The management where I work is tremendously supportive for which I am eternally grateful.  I have lost some friends along the way, but found a huge community of amazing people who love me and who I love.

I love my new body, I am fit, healthy, happy and whole.  I made lists that paralyzed me, and finally threw them away and just began to do and to live 

For me that was the key, when I quit worrying about being alone, I found companionship.  Once I quit fearing for my job, I began to do it better.  Once I ceased planning, I began doing.  These are not new lessons for me, but they are ones I seem to need to keep relearning again and again.

I hope your trudge down the yellow brick road leads you to your own emerald city.  I'll be waiting,

Julie