Okay so this morning my brother, mother and I were watching Today when Conchita Wurst (the "bearded lady" that won Eurovision) came on. My brother (Greg) had this really disgusted look on his face and he said that he can accept gays but not trans* people. He also said that being trans* is morally wrong.

Later on, after I ran into my room and cried, my mum, trying to calm me down, told me that Greg was only voicing his opinion, but what she doesn't understand (or anyone in my family for that matter) is that some "opinions" are hurtful and just because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, doesn't give anyone the right to be an ->-bleeped-<-.

Greg doesn't know I'm a man trapped in a woman's body. Nor will he understand when I tell him. My mother doesn't really understand either, but at least she's trying to.

How am I expected to live with the fact my own brother won't accept me when I tell him I'm a guy? That I'm not Emily anymore? That I'm not "his little sister"?

Family can be tough like that. I remember a few years ago at a super bowl party, Lady Gaga sang. Maybe it was 2 years ago? and my step dad yelled out in front of everyone "Get that ->-bleeped-<- off the TV" something along those lines. It can be tough to live in a household like that. My brother accepts me but doesn't respect me. It's really rough, because he doesn't call me by my preferred name at all. Actually, he just calls me sibling. for my name and my gender.

But, maybe if you came out to him he'd change his mind, but then again he might not.

Quote from: Wolfy on June 01, 2014, 07:28:41 PM
Family can be tough like that. I remember a few years ago at a super bowl party, Lady Gaga sang. Maybe it was 2 years ago? and my step dad yelled out in front of everyone "Get that ->-bleeped-<- off the TV" something along those lines. It can be tough to live in a household like that. My brother accepts me but doesn't respect me. It's really rough, because he doesn't call me by my preferred name at all. Actually, he just calls me sibling. for my name and my gender.

But, maybe if you came out to him he'd change his mind, but then again he might not.

Hm. He most likely won't. He'll probably say that I'm a freak or a ->-bleeped-<- or something along the lines of that.

*sigh* Gotta love the fam.

Trust yourself that it's just ignorance.
It will eventually fade into normality, people are just extremely slow and stupid.
My dad said the same thing to me, basically that he didn't think ->-bleeped-<- was real, because you should work with what god gave you and it was a reason you were born like you were blabla..
That's just illogical, because if it wasn't real nobody would change their gender either.
It's not like it's fun.
And Conchita wasn't even trans, she's just a drag-artist, which is, I thought, 100% accepted.
The beard was just too scary for people to handle..*sigh*

I also asked my dad cause he also said "Ew, turn it off" when he saw Conchita, why he said that
And he said "he threathens my masculinity"
So he doesn't like transwomen because it shows that not all men are men. Then you're not secure with who you are.
No women go around feeling threathened by masculine women, because they threathen their feminity.
Gaah..why

It seems that masculinity is an incredibly fragile thing for many men.

Femininity seems to be made of sterner stuff..

Most transphobic men will be less accepting of trans women than trans men. Just like most homophobic men are less accepting of gay men than lesbians. It's because they see masculinity as superior to femininity, and masculinity is very strict and fragile; stray from it a tiny bit and your entire worth is questioned. So a lot of men don't understand why anyone would 'willingly' stray from that. Which shows how fragile a man's ego can be, that they feel uncomfortable with something they subconsciously see as weak.

These are just blanket statements, they don't apply to everyone of course, but it's the general idea. But your brother might be more accepting of you than a trans woman, and also because you're his brother. It's amazing how much more accepting family can be on subjects they disagree on. Again, not always, but sometimes. At the end of the day, if/when you feel comfortable to tell him, you can be the one to educate him of his ignorance and hopefully he'll learn from his ignorance.

Thansphobic is, I think, the wrong word here. A phobia is an unreasonable fear. And it seems like the big thing he has against it is moral issues. It's that keeping him from accepting you, not fear. As for moral issues, that can be a tough subject. We are taught right and wrong from a young age and it can be hard to stray from that. If religious, then the issue isn't so much morality as it is "men should be men." And the only fast way to earn his trust might be to try and get a brain scan and prove your brain is more like a lady's brain. That is just not likely to happen. Not much can really be done. If he's a reasonable person you could put forth logical arguments to counter his beliefs, but most people seem to take such things as an attack and it makes them lock down tighter in their disapproval.

I have no idea why many people can't take a religious debate. I'm christian and I can have debates without getting all personal. O.o It's like they have to take it as an attack on themselves. Overall... Nothing you can really do other than try to slowly ease him into it. Try forcing it, and it'll likely cause more problems. That's where I am stuck now myself.

I know it sucks. I really do. I wish I could help more. But as I'm stuck in a similar jam with at least one family member, I really haven't gotten to where I have much advice to give.

Quote from: kelly_aus on June 05, 2014, 03:02:06 AM
It seems that masculinity is an incredibly fragile thing for many men.

Irony can be a real b*tch, can't it.  I used to mess with pseudo-macho meathead dudebros all the time by proclaiming they weren't confident heterosexuals, then watch them turn beet red while steam came out of their ears.  Gotcha! 

My brother-in-law, who has been with my sister since probably 1996 or so might be transphobic. I'm not really sure what to consider him.
He told me that he would not accept me as male, pretty much. Told me I would always be his kids' "aunt" blah blah.

BUT the rest of my entire family was supportive so we all, including his wife, just completely ignored his dumbness. I still hang around his kids, they call me my name, male pronouns, etc. He still kind of ignores me due to the fact that he probably knows I hate him, but he calls me male pronouns and my name as well.

So, in short, I guess I'm trying to say is if the rest of your family is supportive then hopefully he'll either drop by the wayside or shape up.

my sister thought transexuals were weird, I thought me and my family will never have a normal relationship again if I told them I'm trans, but it has gotten a lot better. 

actually I dreamed of going shopping with my mom before I told her I was trans and buying dresses and wishing it could be true, and now it's a normality, so it litteraly is a dream come true for me. I hope everything will turn out to be not so weird with your family relationships as well