Abertay as well! Still trying with the games industry here, hoping it's going to get more stable.

Quote from: Danniella on June 10, 2014, 03:09:47 AM
Don't feel too bad! I did the same thing! xD I got confused because in Sandra's first post she said the 10th of July, not June ^^ Just hoping that there may be other similar opportunities in the future

I didn't notice that! What a stupid cow. Apologies for the confusion.

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 04:00:13 AM
Abertay as well! Still trying with the games industry here, hoping it's going to get more stable.

There are still lots of opportunities out there in the smaller companies etc...but it's just not been the same since the recession hit big, with Realtime Worlds etc going bust

I actually went back to the Abertay Digital Degree Showcase this year...spoke to lecturers I had known for 5 years and they didn't recognise me, was pretty cool...so was going to the female toilets in the uni after 5 years studying there and wondering what they were like xD

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 04:00:13 AM
I didn't notice that! What a stupid cow. Apologies for the confusion.

It's easily done

I don't think bovine creatures can utilise forum technology though, especially stupid ones...so I don't think you are a stupid cow

No, don't worry, I still think it's my fault for not checking, although I suppose I shouldn't be quite so hard on myself about it if the original post did say July (please don't feel bad about that, though, I didn't realise either -- I thought that was just me having another of my "moments", to be honest).  As things stand, I still have those trains, so perhaps if you're free we could still meet up that day.  If it's too much hassle or expense given your new job (congrats on that, btw!), or if I'm not able to keep to those train journeys now for whatever reason, we can still do it some other time. ^^

It's a pity they only run those events once a year.  I was looking forward to hearing what they had to say.  -_-  However, if I'd noticed the date was this month initially, it's unlikely I'd have been able to attend anyway, given the state I'm gonna be in for the next couple of days getting ready to go away.  But it's not the end of the world.  At least I am on their list, and I have a ton of other things I could/should be doing to get myself ready for when I get my local appointment in July.

x

Yeah Realtime World's explosion flooded the job market with quality applicants with experience, leaving uni leavers in a poor position for a while. Hoping to get into a smaller team or have an independent project come through.

My work was at the digital showcase, Shadow Over Innsmouth in the reception hall - although I wasn't able to make it for the show opening.

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 04:34:08 AM
Yeah Realtime World's explosion flooded the job market with quality applicants with experience, leaving uni leavers in a poor position for a while. Hoping to get into a smaller team or have an independent project come through.

Have you tried entering Dare to be Digital? I did it in 3rd year, was great

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 04:34:08 AM
My work was at the digital showcase, Shadow Over Innsmouth (PLUG: ) in the reception hall - although I wasn't able to make it for the show opening.

I think I saw your work, was on a talent scouting mission but we were looking for 3D artists.

Although I would caution against linking that video, as it has your full name on the account >.>

I entered dare twice, didn't get accepted twice. With living so far away from the university it's hard to get a team together, but I still have a couple of years.

And I noticed my male name was on it, but I felt it was safe for this thread - I don't think it will be getting too much attention. I'll probably edit it out of the comment after a few days. Who knows? Maybe there's a Scottish game developer in need of an artist who's also questioning their gender? :p

Also, I knew I should have went for my 3d animated project idea instead!

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 06:12:39 AM
I entered dare twice, didn't get accepted twice. With living so far away from the university it's hard to get a team together, but I still have a couple of years.

That's a shame, it was the highlight of my Uni life So what year are you in now then?

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 06:12:39 AM
And I noticed my male name was on it, but I felt it was safe for this thread - I don't think it will be getting too much attention. I'll probably edit it out of the comment after a few days. Who knows? Maybe there's a Scottish game developer in need of an artist who's also questioning their gender? :p

Quite the specific recruitment goal...but you never know ^^

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 06:12:39 AM
Also, I knew I should have went for my 3d animated project idea instead!

If it's any consolation, after all my scouting, we didn't hire anybody in the end xD

I finished fourth year in May. Waiting for my final grades now, hence the new job. Working for HSBC isn't quite what I did all that work for though.

You get 2 years after you graduate to continue entering dare so I may still be able to, but work may put a stop to that. Mortgage and a child mean a need for money!

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 06:32:28 AM
I finished fourth year in May. Waiting for my final grades now, hence the new job. Working for HSBC isn't quite what I did all that work for though.

Making corporate/training materials for multi billion dollar companies isn't what I imagined either...but life gives you lemons xD

Quote from: Sandra_Dickinson on June 10, 2014, 06:32:28 AM
You get 2 years after you graduate to continue entering dare so I may still be able to, but work may put a stop to that. Mortgage and a child mean a need for money!

Yeah...that dare money isn't exactly good for much heavy lifting...I had to keep my part time job during dare and I just had to afford a flat with myself and my then fiancée in it. I can imagine mortgages and kids are somewhat more draining on the resources xD

Good to see some developers in here. Personally, I prefer the programming/non artist side of the games myself. I could never get the artistic side of my brain to work. Too much OCD, I think.

To be honest as well, if we could get a few girls together, we could meet in a fairly public place to do a sort of meet and greet with the scottish 'lassies'. Maybe put a few faces to some names.

So how was the Q&A day!? (For those that went)

I'm really bummed that I didn't get to go and meet you all. We must organise something!

I did make a 6 month transition update video over the weekend though, for those interested in progress etc ^^

Quote from: chrissydr on June 11, 2014, 06:49:03 AM
Good to see some developers in here. Personally, I prefer the programming/non artist side of the games myself. I could never get the artistic side of my brain to work. Too much OCD, I think.

To be honest as well, if we could get a few girls together, we could meet in a fairly public place to do a sort of meet and greet with the scottish 'lassies'. Maybe put a few faces to some names.

It's amazing who you find! I think we have the start of a Trans games company! Lets make some waves! Or maybe some games...

I repeat that I am up for any meet ups, I'd love to meet some other trans people and like you I'd love to put some faces to names. It's weird how you can get to know people just from a forum.

Dannielle: I didn't go to the Q&A myself, as I was only really going to meet with people. I'm off Sandyford's waiting list now since I was seen at Chalmers so it didn't seem too important to me to go alone.

You look amazing though and act really natural! Maybe close the blinds next time lol to stop the nuclear sunshine (Sunshine? In Scotland?!?) I'm so glad to hear the hormones have helped you find a happier place, that's pretty much the only reason I want them - I want to feel better inside, boobs or not!

I'll just fake it until I make it!

Well... I could do some storyboarding/writing for these games, since I write fiction (mainly speculative). ~_^

And yeah, I'd be up for meeting, but right now I'm rushing around trying to get organised for my flight...   I'll be back in a couple of weeks, at which point I'll have the chance to sit down and watch your vid, Danniella.

You both look amazing in your pics, btw.

Quote from: Cat on June 12, 2014, 06:15:59 AM
Well... I could do some storyboarding/writing for these games, since I write fiction (mainly speculative). ~_^

I too write fiction etc...it's my dream to one day shake off the shackles of the oppressive, mundane 9-5 job, and ascend to the ranks of professional best selling writer, whereupon I shall swan around my palatial mansion in the country in wonderful dresses and hipster trappings, before casting myself into my overflowing study filled with piles of half read books, and scattered manuscript papers around the floor. Then I would begin to write my hotly anticipated next best seller, prepping my trust old bakelite typewriter as I begin...wait.
...
What were we talking about again??

Quote from: Cat on June 12, 2014, 06:15:59 AM
And yeah, I'd be up for meeting, but right now I'm rushing around trying to get organised for my flight...   I'll be back in a couple of weeks, at which point I'll have the chance to sit down and watch your vid, Danniella.

I'm sure I could manage a day trip to edinburgh or glasgow if peeps were so inclined I have intentions of taking the 10th of July off anyway to go see my family in Ayrshire, so I would be heading that way anyway.

Quote from: Cat on June 12, 2014, 06:15:59 AM
You both look amazing in your pics, btw.

Why thank you ^^ I do wish my hair would grow faster though -..- It's at such an awkward length -sigh-

Quote from: Cat on June 12, 2014, 06:15:59 AM
You both look amazing in your pics, btw.

Thanks so much XxX

I always had long hair, even before I started looking to transition - I always liked playing with it! In hindsight, maybe not the most masculine of activities...

Back now.  Something of a traumatic trip, but meh.  It only makes me more determined to push ahead with this so I don't have to be reacted to and perceived in that way again in the future.  -_-

Sandra -- I always had long hair, too.  This week I treated myself to a cut and colour, and it no longer looks like I have long 'guy hair' that I have to feminise... I wish I could change other things as easily and successfully as that.  >.<

Danniella -- it's great to hear you talk about all this; obviously you've been through some stuff, but you sound so positive now.  You also made me laugh a lot.  <3  I know what you mean about going out -- I've been surprised by the lack of adverse reactions so far, even if my choice of female clothes is fairly conservative.  And even if I still get misgendered in restaurants and the like.  I know how far I have to go.  It's interesting to hear you talk about the reactions of people at work.  I'm changing my name officially this week and I will have to confront people at uni with that soon. 

And wow... you're going to Thailand?  But it's so expensive! But... yeah, you talked about the expense... and good luck with your fundraising for that.  It sounds like a much better option, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fund something like that myself.  Right now I will be happy just to get started with HRT.  I have an assessment for laser at the end of the week, also.  And I'm starting to look at voice techniques... I will postpone thoughts of SRS until later, I think. 

Hmm... now I'm in danger of rambling again.  Oh!  But... I am no longer available on the 10th, because my partner has booked us into a hotel as a surprise (she told me when I got off my flight home), since she didn't want our train tickets to go to waste.  At least, that was the theory, although it seems to have involved buying a whole new set of tickets, which... well, I'm not seeing the logic, but it will be a nice little break, either way.  HOWEVER, I am totally able to do other dates.  I will just make sure I read them very carefully before I go booking anything. :3


And yes, I have that dream too!  Thankfully I have shed the arrogant sense of entitlement I used to have toward it, years ago, when I was convinced that all my neophyte scribblings were the best thing ever to happen in the English language.  I look at them now, and... and I cringe.  I should burn those.  Maybe someday I will.  >///<  And I can't type on a typewriter to save myself... it hurts my poor little fingers, although not as much as trying to write with a pen.  I have no idea how people used to manage with those things.  I've taken a break from writing since the turn of the year, partly because it was stressing me out on top of study commitments.  Now I think I will probably wait until things settle down a bit before I pick it up again.  I've had one small thing published, but not anywhere prestigious.  But I tend to hold on to my work because I always believe I can sell it to a better market than the one I wrote it for, and then I feel like I have to make it perfect, and ... then I never do.  But I think I will be able to let go in future, because I'm learning to let go of lots of things I used to feel the need to control excessively....

Ok, I'm definitely rambling now.  I shall stop.  ^^

Hi girls!

Traumatic trip Cat? Want to talk about it? Why were you traveling anyway and where did you go? Don't mean to pry but I am a nosy bitch so feel free not to answer if it's personal or you just don't want to.

And although Thailand is expensive it's still not as expensive as the surgery in the West and has far, FAR better doctors. Of course the NHS is free (but sloooooow) but looking at private the prices were going up to about 10 grand in the West for SRS surgery. I recently watched the god-awful sky living show 'ladyboys' and in the last episode they showed a woman who had paid -outside of flights- about £1500 for the same operation from one of the better hospitals with a full 14 day aftercare. Even in the US and UK they tend to chuck you in an attached hotel for aftercare that you pay for so that you're not taking up space. I know I want SRS and I think that's the way I'd like to go, their results are incredible (one doctor bragged that his work could fool a doctor and could only be spotted with a speculum!) and the timing is in your hands, not the NHS's

My real reason for my post was humble bragging that today we went to M&D's theme park (Scotlands number one theme park! in a field of one!) on an offer that came with the paper for my son's second birthday. As there would be photos on Facebook and I'm not out to my family I dressed androgynous - men's work shirt. baggy jeans and trainers with my hair in a basic ponytail. I had very minimal makeup on (for me I suppose) just some foundation to cover the dark circles under my eyes and eyeliner pencil on the lower lash line. Less than five minutes there and my wife and I are being referred to as 'Ladies' and on at least four separate occasions when I was moving the buggy through the crowd I heard mothers and fathers pulling children aside "to let the wumman wi' the buggy through" and even received a 'Sorry hen!' when a man stepped back onto my toe. We also got a dirty look from a rather large and well dressed woman when we stood together with our son there. I think we didn't fit her worldview and I'm glad we didn't

So this is really all this post is. I'm not out to family so I can't go to Facebook to squee this all over my wall, and although I am out so several friends and they are fantastically supportive I don't think they'd realise how much of a success this was today and just how incredible I feel right now because of it.

Does anyone else have any success stories to share? Or just updates? I'm still up for meeting up with people to have a chat (And maybe some wine?)

For reference here's a picture of the theme park today. By this time I had stopped caring and had put my hair up in a bun so it didn't whip my face on the roller coasters.

Hi Sandra! ^^

It's so great to hear about your success, yesterday!  Congrats!  :3  I know exactly how good you must be feeling!  Love the pic, too.  So sweet, and you look great.  <3  Most of the time I go out in shirts, albeit girly ones with pinks and pastels and feminine cut.  I don't have the courage to wear anything too overt yet.  I've not been out in a situation where I haven't been required to be up close and talk to people, so I have no idea what people see when I'm out, but I know that I don't remotely pass in one-to-one situations -- such as in restaurants or shops.  It's early days, so I am mostly sanguine about that, but... well, you know.  Glad to hear I'm not alone in often having to cover dark circles under my eyes though, lol.  I have always been prone to those when I'm tired or stressed, and losing weight over the past few months has caused several people to ask if I'm ill... which is not exactly flattering.  I'm a healthy weight for my size!  >.>  But the combination of dark circles and looking thinner than people expect doesn't work too well, I guess. -_- 

About my trip... yeah.  I was doing research fieldwork in Iceland.  I mean, the people I was with were lovely, but they knew me as male, responded to me that way (used my birth name, etc., made comments about women to me like I'm a guy), expected me to respond in kind... and I was sleeping in a tent and having to use the (shared) male facilities all week, and... it took its toll.  I found myself being really awkward and withdrawn with folk, which is not like me, because I didn't know how to react and wasn't comfortable with how I was sounding or acting.  And then when I got home, I just felt so weird for a couple of days.  Thankfully, that feeling didn't last long.  Maybe 'traumatic' is overselling it, but emotionally it was pretty traumatic.  Or maybe I'm a flake, but... I found it hard. 

I may have to look more seriously at the Thai option.  The truth is that I haven't researched SRS a great deal yet, because I've been seeing it as the end, and I'm still close to the beginning, but I know I want it too.  And if I'm going to let someone do that to me, I need to make sure I get the best possible outcome.

As for me, my main thing is getting my statutory declaration done tomorrow, and then I have the joy of changing all my documentation and records with everyone.  Um, yay.  -_-  I will stop moaning about it when I actually see my real name and gender on stuff, I guess.  :p  No, I mean, of course I'm excited about that.  But it also seems like a pain.  And I have my test consultation for laser at the end of the week, because apparently I have the ideal colouration for that (i.e. pasty white skin in typical Scottish style, with darkish body hair).  I'm hoping that if I get a good outcome from that, it will save me some time and money on electrolysis in the long run.  I've read this is the case for many girls, so... fingers crossed.  Aside from that, I've been researching my rights and the recommendations under the Gender Reassignment Protocol here.  I plan to present myself as established in my affirmed gender, and to make it clear that I'll be seeking to start HRT through whatever means as soon as possible, and I'm going to push for bridging treatment with my GP and see where that gets me. 

The dark circles are a constant pain to me, something I think I'll never shift, I'm about 7 stone and always have been. HRT may put some fat on me but I'll always have panda eyes I think.

I tend to dress far more feminine if I'm out in girl mode, you can probably see from my avatars that constantly change. To go out without being so overtly female and still passing -when that wasn't my intention at all - was the greatest feeling. Going out with breast forms, hip padding, an hours worth of make up, false eyelashes, false nails and a skinny jean/vest top combo is so different from just me in my boy clothes. Or I thought it was. I'll be riding this high for a while

Oooh! field work? what field do you study? (Remember:nosy bitch)

And you're not flaky, or if you are I am too. I left a well paying job a couple of months ago because of similar feelings. Training was awful, being lumped with the boys all the time, when I always hung around and chatted to the girls. I was put in an all female team - I thought this was perfect, but the team just clammed up when I was around and wouldn't let me join in on anything. They'd talk about things and I'd want to join in but when I made my presence known they'd stop with "Oh he doesn't want to hear about hand creams!" when I wanted to tell them about Soap and Glory Hand Food (It's amazing by the way) or my favourite conditioner. After an awful day that left me in tears my trainer took me aside and tried to cheer me up by constantly telling me that I was a man and I wanted to succeed - it's natural for men to want to feel that way! I got so sick of being told to grow a pair that I just handed my notice in and walked. Things could have been so different if I had been out. I don't blame anyone there at all, it was my fault for keeping things secret and they can't be blamed for treating me as the gender I was presenting as.

Where are you getting laser? Is it private? My doctor hasn't spoken about it at all but it's something I want to do - having to disappear after being out for four or five hours to the toilet with my shaver and re-apply make up is a pain and a drag. The buzzing noise from the girl's toilets isn't exactly the easiest thing to explain either

At the risk of sounding like a nosy bitch myself (an impression which would not be entirely without foundation ;p), what height are you?  Because wow, you are so light!  I'm 5'8" and currently weigh just under 10 stone.  I plan to be a stone lighter in the long run, because although I'll put on fat, the muscle I'll lose will more than compensate, but that will take longer ofc.  But yeah, I've always been the same with my eyes.  I dunno what it is.  At least now I get to cover those dark circles up. But anyway, I'm just glad I'm not any taller than I am.  I wouldn't mind being a couple of inches shorter. 

And yeah, I see how you dress in your avatars, you are way more confident than I am right now.   So awesome that you were passing without trying, though!  I am gradually edging toward being more overt when I go out, but I've been taking it slowly.  I guess my figure is not helping.  I have a bit of natural curve, but not to female proportions (not even close)... and I have no breasts, obv.  I think my new hair and eyebrows ought to help me be a little bolder, maybe. 

I study geoscience.  Lots of time was spent lying in rainy trenches measuring dirt with a ruler.  It's super glamorous, for sure. ;3  But yes, pretty much exactly what you went through with your old job, I think, with the good thing being that I only had to deal with it for 12 days.  Same deal, in that none of them are culpable, since I was presenting as male (albeit a male with a very girly way of walking and doing "his" hair, and whose toenails were painted pastel pink ;P).  But still really hard.  It's not easy to undress/dress completely in a tiny shower cubicle, and I'm sure they wonder why I'm the only one who wasn't happy to strut around in "his" underwear. >.>  And the shower was one of those where you have to push the button, and it kept going off, and I'd have to wrap in my towel and sneak out of the bathroom to switch it on again without anyone seeing me.  Thankfully didn't have to deal with any of the "man up" stuff, but I know what you mean about that.  I did have to grit my teeth while men gave me their opinion of the "gentler sex" along with the usual unconscious mild patronising attitude.  Meh.  Most of all I just hated the fact that I felt like I was betraying myself the whole time, though.  And my voice, omg... so horrible.  I'm gonna be working very hard on that from now on, I think.

There is a laser clinic at the hospital here (Ninewells), which I am booked into for a test patch thingy to make sure my skin reacts ok.  Because yeah, the hair thing is a big obstacle, not to mention a massive dysphoria trigger.  Any difference this makes will be a godsend.  But oh, I hadn't thought of actually taking a razor out with me... that's genius.  Although... reapplying makeup afterwards, yikes... I would be gone for some time. I suppose I can think of another potential source of buzzing from the girls' toilets, but I'm not sure that makes things a whole lot better in terms of not drawing attention and stuff. ;3 

I need to try that hand cream.  I could use something better for during the day regular use.  I will try to pick some up!