so yea, feeling nervous just writing this.

My name is Billy/Billie i don't really know which i am yet, i am confused about a lot of things and it both scares and excites me, i am 21 and live in the UK.


I don't know what i want, or who i want to be, which makes this whole thing harder. having these feelings has to mean something right? a part of me thinks its stupid me even thinking this, as i grew up playing rugby, shooting, fishing, guitar, sports and military stuff, and i am a big guy, so it feels like it will never work. then the next day i think its the best idea in the world.

I've had the feelings since i was around 6 or 7 and am now 21, so its not exactly an overnight thing, just lately its been really wearing me down like i cant keep living like it. i recently told two people, one being my sister who was very understanding, and another who was a close friend and she really helped me loads to the point i am going to see a doctor in a couple days just to get help understanding and to see a psychiatrist or therapist or something.

I guess I am here to find answers and know I'm not alone, as sometimes it really does feel it.

I hear some people knew at a young age what they wanted to be, which kind of makes me feel that i am just feeling some fetish or whatnot, which actually upsets me a little as i don't want it to be a thing like that.

as you can see I am not good with introductions, but yea...

hello my name is Billy or Billie.

Always nice to see a fellow Brit here. Welcome to the site, hon.

*hugs*

For now, just have a read through the forums, see what other folks have to say about how they're feeling themselves. See if anything strikes a chord with you, and don't be scared to ask questions if you have them. Or share your point of view. We're here to support you and, hopefully, help you feel like you're not going through this by yourself.

hello there. i can totally relate seeing how our self realization happened virtually at the same time 

thanks for the welcome

ive spent some time here reading everything before i posted my introduction and even more time afterwards, and i think it has made me realize i know what i want to be, i want to be happy. this got me thinking, and i realized that i was happiest when i thought everything and anything was possible with me being trans, and that i could go through all of this, and saddest when i thought it was a silly idea and thought against it. its probably a really quick turnaround, but i just read through my diary these last months, and saw that the main reason i didn't was fear, fear of being rejected, fear of never loving, fear of being stared and fear of being humiliated. tomorrow i might feel the same again, but as for today, i really feel its what i want, which is such a great burden lifted.

as it happens today i had an appointment with a GP about getting a therapist or something, and although it felt extremely awkward in there (im a big hairy person :/) he said he would refer me to someone, and i should here from them soon.

although i will always have these feelings of not wanting to do it, i think they are mostly from fear, as i wanted to be normal for pretty much all of my life, and now im gonna do one of the most abnormal things i could do in my family. i figure it is what i want, and if i don't want it later, that will be ok.

so i just want to say thanks to everyone here, even people who i have never spoken to, as it i have learned so much, and even started to understand what i feel, reading something and going 'OMG i feel that too!' has made me feel im not totally alone.

THANK YOU!