Just found out an old co-worker died. Not only did he make working in the kitchens fun, but he would pull you aside when you did something wrong and speak to you quietly not blast you out in the open. Something I have taken with me now I have people under me. A head chef is not the most easiest job in the world but he was always good for a laugh a joke and a smile on the job and off

Quote from: Dee Walker on June 09, 2014, 11:24:09 AM
Once you have a script you're not DIY. Where you fill that script is YOUR business.

The fact is that I am also considering DIY again despite having a full combined package of therapy, endo and surgery. I am not very satisfied with the current endo and going private is going to be unaffordable.

So had fights confirmed to Manila for work in 2 weeks.
Too tight and only paying economy for work.... Can't sit in the seat. Stood all the way home once from NZ.
Going to live in a serviced apartment. Yuck.... Not my place.

Saw my doctor and have a long list of shots to get, another reason not to travel.

Not a happy camper...

My idea of a holiday is staying at home.

Is it difficult to sit in the seat due to lack of leg room? And/or being squeezed next to others?

I had to ship something at the UPS store today, and my dad went in with me, but came in a lil after me. The employees thought he was another customer so they asked what he needed. He just points to me and says to them 'Oh I'm with him.'

I do all this stuff to transition, and then I take the time to look especially presentable before going out, and one little comment undermines all of that. I know my dad is old and it's hard for him to adapt to something like this, and I know he at least sometimes makes an effort, but I've been consistently passable to everyone else for months now. I just don't think it's ever going to stick with him. :/

Quote from: Ashey on June 10, 2014, 04:54:48 PM
I had to ship something at the UPS store today, and my dad went in with me, but came in a lil after me. The employees thought he was another customer so they asked what he needed. He just points to me and says to them 'Oh I'm with him.'

I do all this stuff to transition, and then I take the time to look especially presentable before going out, and one little comment undermines all of that. I know my dad is old and it's hard for him to adapt to something like this, and I know he at least sometimes makes an effort, but I've been consistently passable to everyone else for months now. I just don't think it's ever going to stick with him. :/

Hugs Ashey, some of the old folks just don't get it because it's information overload and their mental processor isn't equipped for all this seemingly new stuff. I can speak authoritatively on this, as people age they become more resistant to change. Hang in there hon and remember anger won't resolve your dad's problem about using the right pronouns.

so many things made me extremely unhappy to the point i cant even cry when i want to

coworker bragging about her long hours at work

Quote from: Ashey on June 10, 2014, 04:54:48 PM
I had to ship something at the UPS store today, and my dad went in with me, but came in a lil after me. The employees thought he was another customer so they asked what he needed. He just points to me and says to them 'Oh I'm with him.'

I do all this stuff to transition, and then I take the time to look especially presentable before going out, and one little comment undermines all of that. I know my dad is old and it's hard for him to adapt to something like this, and I know he at least sometimes makes an effort, but I've been consistently passable to everyone else for months now. I just don't think it's ever going to stick with him. :/

I go through the exact same thing with my brother and my father, so I know what you are talking about. The only thing that helps is minimizing the amount of time that I am around them. It's just the way it has to be.

I had a bad day.

I was already feeling down about my chest and really self aware. Then, when I was at the nurse, I mentioned money and the cost of surgery, which then led her to ask the "which surgeries have you had" question, and what they involve. I made a point of telling her that I generally don't discuss that stuff, but gave her a general idea. I guess mentioning the cost of surgery was my fault, since the topic may not have come up otherwise.

Then when I went out, there was (I presume) a trans man out there and he goes "hey brother your transition looks like it's going great!" (probably because the nurse I saw mostly gives injections to trans people all day lol). But I didn't even know him! And he said it in front of the staff in the room and all the people in the waiting room. Thanks a lot, jerkoff. Btw I already have two brothers, thanks, I don't need another, and certainly on the basis of a shared medical condition.

Forgot to add the date of my doctor's appointment that is supposed to be sometime this month to my calendar on my phone three months ago at my last one. I called today to find out.
It's Friday. I have two days to get the blood test done.

Woke up with a flag pole between my legs. I only tolerate this because I need to keep the material in shape for SRS.

Speaking of which, this Friday I have my first SRS consultation. Which feels kinda sad and stupid since I don't have the money to pay for it on my own and social security takes 3-4 years until it's finally your turn.

Arm is dead after shots today....

Flying the long way around as well not direct.

Stupid depression stuff and dark thoughts    Should have killed myself and got it over with years ago

Quote from: V M on June 11, 2014, 07:14:01 AM
Stupid depression stuff and dark thoughts    Should have killed myself and got it over with years ago

NOOOO! I would have never met you and that would be a very bad thing. My life is better for having known you.

I will Growl and chase off that big black dog if it  is the last thing I do!

Quote from: V M on June 11, 2014, 07:14:01 AM
Stupid depression stuff and dark thoughts    Should have killed myself and got it over with years ago

Gee Virginia you have to change the tape that's running in your brain sweetie, we all care a lot for you so just stop thinking like that!

Bug bites everywhere from yesterday, still in full force.
My arms look like they've been broken, the bumps are so big.
One on the side of my knee looks almost big enough to be an extra kneecap.
I even have some on my face. Ugh

Quote from: V M on June 11, 2014, 07:14:01 AM
Stupid depression stuff and dark thoughts    Should have killed myself and got it over with years ago

NOOO! DON'T! STOP! V M, I don't know you that well but I have seen you around and every time I do, it always makes me happy. Don't listen to those dark thoughts, we've ALL had them, many a time, it will go away given time and you'll feel better. Hang in there PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF!!! If you did, a lot of people would be sad and heart broken.. I don't even want to think about that. So hang in there!

Waking up.

For some reason, I feel really agitated in an angry, frustrated way. I think it's about hair.