my first puberty was horrific . I was obsessively cross dressing with my sisters clothes to try to stop the turmoil shaking my body. It was an exhausting night mare. Hiding from my family what I was doing . Going through some of the most intense sexual turbulence of my life. My body dysphoria exploded. Night mares of castration . Intense desire to some how by what ever means to grow breasts. fantasizing of being like Christine Jorgensen . Constantly fantasizing of being a woman. I definitely could of used hormones at this time . I mean the proper hormones. The pain caused so much turmoil that when I got to be 19 I tried to stop the pain with LSD. The LSD worked until I stopped using it a year later. When I stopped the dysphoria exploded to a new level. Any one else experience the hell of puberty and its lasting effects MY second puberty is quite beautiful though.

the first one was awesome despite the lack of breast development....

Second one is uber awesome due to the profuse breast development...among other things

Let's see...

Testosterone hit me like a ton of bricks when I was 12, just as I was entering 7th grade at a new school.   Due to multiple clerical errors I was placed in mostly remedial classes instead of in classes with people I knew.   My new idiot classmates basically all HATED me instantly and the teachers turned a blind eye while I got pummeled on an almost daily basis for the next 2 years.  I despised what testosterone was doing to me while I watched all the other girls turn into women.  One day in 7th grade I remember seeing how hairy my arms and legs were starting to get and got so sick to my stomach that I tossed my cookies in the middle of gym class.  I slowly began losing my mental focus as the T-induced sh*tstorm in my head began.  About two weeks after noticing the mental effects of T, I had to have vestigial "girl parts" removed from my radically swollen right testicle due to Persistent Mullerian Duct Syndrome.  I secretly hoped I'd wake up with no balls after the surgery, but just my luck, they were able to save them both.  The only good thing that became of puberty was that between 8th and 9th grade I grew very tall very quickly, and got big enough to pummel people back.  People finally left me the hell alone because I developed a very short fuse with a full keg of powder behind it.  It's fun when people think you have no cares in the world and nothing to lose.

So yes, it sucked mightily.   Then there was the part where I had to assimilate myself into dudebro culture and be seen as a regular guy... *barf*

Quote from: Jill F on June 18, 2014, 07:44:57 PM
Let's see...

Testosterone hit me like a ton of bricks when I was 12, just as I was entering 7th grade at a new school.   Due to multiple clerical errors I was placed in mostly remedial classes instead of in classes with people I knew.   My new idiot classmates basically all HATED me instantly and the teachers turned a blind eye while I got pummeled on an almost daily basis for the next 2 years.  I despised what testosterone was doing to me while I watched all the other girls turn into women.  One day in 7th grade I remember seeing how hairy my arms and legs were starting to get and got so sick to my stomach that I tossed my cookies in the middle of gym class.  I slowly began losing my mental focus as the T-induced sh*tstorm in my head began.  About two weeks after noticing the mental effects of T, I had to have vestigial "girl parts" removed from my radically swollen right testicle due to Persistent Mullerian Duct Syndrome.  I secretly hoped I'd wake up with no balls after the surgery, but just my luck, they were able to save them both.  The only good thing that became of puberty was that between 8th and 9th grade I grew very tall very quickly, and got big enough to pummel people back.  People finally left me the hell alone because I developed a very short fuse with a full keg of powder behind it.  It's fun when people think you have no cares in the world and nothing to lose.

So yes, it sucked mightily.   Then there was the part where I had to assimilate myself into dudebro culture and be seen as a regular guy... *barf*

pummeling back is sort of fun.

My first puberty was hell.

I hated it from the first instant one of those stupid dark leg hairs sprouted from me. It robbed me of my beautiful unchanged singing voice (which sent me into the biggest bout of depression I've ever endured,) made me feel like my own body was betraying me when the stupid testosterone forced me to get an erection like every 5 minutes for no reason whatsoever, took away my smooth skin, my ability to be cute, started making my hair fall out, made me feel incapable of feeling emotions, turned me into a big thick hairy brute that made me cry every time I looked in the mirror, and it gave me a sex-drive that completely dominated my entire life, never leaving me alone.

Every year between the ages of 13 and 19 was an absolute hell that only kept getting worse and worse and worse the longer it dragged on.

My only respite was shaving off all of my body hair whenever I got the chance, escaping into my own little fantasy worlds where I could at least pretend that I was a girl, and spending entire days with my equipment encased in duct tape. (Not kidding there... I actually went to school like that a couple of times. And I would have done it more if it didn't hurt so damned much.)

Hell is probably the nicest description of puberty for me.Each day I saw my chances of living as a woman getting further away,I hated  the hair which sprouted on my body and face,my growly voice,I even hated being tall but it came in useful as I stopped growing at 15 and the previous year I picked up a lot of self defence tips and started to win fights.I had a pretty short fuse and was a big kid but fortunately lacked the ruthless streak to be a real badass.Once when I was at school a drunk driver ran my Dad down(fortunately with no serious injury) and I beat the snot out of him til Dad pulled me away.
I could get served alcohol at 15 and went from being Billy no mates to the most popular kid in my year.I first got drunk at 13 and used alcohol to blot out dysphoria.Booze,self harm(I started cutting at 13) skipping meals and fighting( I didn't really like scrapping but was pretty good at it.I didn't even care if I won or lost as the pain of an ass kicking took the edge off my gender problems) meant puberty was generally horrible.If I'd have had the courage I'd have killed my self.

I tried to cut off the abnormal cellular mass affixed to my crotch on three separate occasions and almost succeeded one time. Thus, as you can clearly see, it was not a splendid time for me.

It was awful and  I didnt even knew why

Didn't have one, although technically I was born a boy, things never developed at all, things are so small that I have always had to sit to pee, I only have one testicle , dead and about the size of a pea. And I have been down the hack and slash road, I had a fall and damaged my left hip, so off to hospital, while being examined the cover slipped off and the Doctor got, shall we say, an eyeful my Mum was in the room and went white. He said I think we can do something about that for you!! I sat bot upright and said Why? I am a girl, why would I want a thing? He looked at me and said " child you are neither" so I got home and went to work on myself. Mother nature did the best she could, no T too work with, she scavenged for Oestrogen and to be honest anything else that was around. So my voice is the same as it was when I was 9 or 10, I have very small breasts but Mother nature ran out of what she needed,  . So I am what I am. Looking forward to HRT madly, so maybe she can finish the job, puberty erm could be fun. I was thrown out of my mums house at 13. so... the rest is history.

Jayne xxx

Quote from: JayneS on June 19, 2014, 05:52:46 AM
Didn't have one, although technically I was born a boy, things never developed at all, things are so small that I have always had to sit to pee, I only have one testicle , dead and about the size of a pea. And I have been down the hack and slash road, I had a fall and damaged my left hip, so off to hospital, while being examined the cover slipped off and the Doctor got, shall we say, an eyeful my Mum was in the room and went white. He said I think we can do something about that for you!! I sat bot upright and said Why? I am a girl, why would I want a thing? He looked at me and said " child you are neither" so I got home and went to work on myself. Mother nature did the best she could, no T too work with, she scavenged for Oestrogen and to be honest anything else that was around. So my voice is the same as it was when I was 9 or 10, I have very small breasts but Mother nature ran out of what she needed,  . So I am what I am. Looking forward to HRT madly, so maybe she can finish the job, puberty erm could be fun. I was thrown out of my mums house at 13. so... the rest is history.

Jayne xxx

well, best wishes on your new puberty

Loved and hated it.
Hated my voice breaking from a very good soprano to a dopey tenor.
Hated getting muscles, yet revelled in what athleticism I did have.
Couldn't work out whether I liked my height or not.
Great confusion about my sexuality.
Had a pretty good idea about being trans, but didn't understand that it was more than binary.

Like many others my first puberty was absolute HELL. I turned inward and began on a road of isolation and depression that lasted almost 20 years. The more I progressed in puberty the more I came to hate myself on a very deep level. Not understanding why I began cutting and at thirteen had my first suicide attempt. I remember as I got chest hairs I was so disgusted by them that I would pluck them out and then beat myself up about how I was a freak for doing this and what was wrong with. Around the age of fifteen I turned to drugs and alcohol which was very effective in dealing with my dysphoria this lasted till about four years ago when I needed to get clean and sober then it all came rushing back. My second puberty has been absolutely amazing I am comfortable in my own body and I never knew what happiness really was until now.

In a word, painful.

For me, the impact of what was happening didn't hit me all at once. I started puberty at age 13, and things moved fairly slowly. I didn't really see the initial minor changes as being horribly negative, because I viewed it as just a necessary evil in the process of growing up. I assumed that on some level all boys must view their bodies somewhat negatively compared to a girl's body (because seriously, how could you not? ;P), so it never occurred to me that the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I would rather be going through a female puberty was anything abnormal. I also tended to misdirect a lot of the hatred I felt for my body onto my weight problems, while somehow glossing over the fact that I sort of knew I wouldn't have felt nearly as bad about my body if it was a female body that was overweight instead of a male one. I was not initially dysphoric about having male genitals, and the first time I masturbated I did actually enjoy it (and made it a point to do it more in the future). But even so, gradually things kept getting worse. While I had not initially had a lot of genital dysphoria, after learning about female anatomy in sexual education, I started to very strongly feel that I had been given the shaft (so to speak) with the equipment I was given, and I started to develop a very strong desire to have female sexual organs. Things like body hair and odor got worse over time, and started to further erode my sense of self-esteem. When my leg hair started to really become noticeable, I refused to wear shorts or go swimming, or anything else that would expose my body. I would wear hot and baggy clothing even on the hottest day of summer to keep my body hidden from public view. I almost entirely quit looking in the mirror, something I wasn't able to bring myself to do again until fairly recently. I started to become disconnected with my emotions, something that bothered my so much at the time it made me think I was developing some sort of severe mental disorder. I developed severe depression that I was not able to rationally explain. But despite talking to countless mental health professionals over the years, I kept my dysphoria a closely guarded secret because I was too ashamed and embarrassed of it to even want to discuss it. Eventually, I almost completely lost my desire to live, and I just started aimlessly drifting through life trying to focus on whatever I could to take my mind off of how horrible I felt. Going through a male puberty ended up being the single most horribly excruciating thing I have ever experienced in my life. It hurt me so much (and continues to hurt me), that I can barely even stomach typing this out without closing the page in disgust. I would do almost anything if I could go back in time and somehow prevent what happened to me. My only consolation is that it's finally over, and things are getting better, but the damage is done and I'll never completely get back all the things male puberty took from me.

Horrible all the way.

Body and facial hair were horrible.
My voice didn't change much, which now I see as something of a privilege, but then, I was bullied (in part) because of my high-pitch voice.
Stuff happening "down there" was unpleasant.

At start confusion. Later on gradual depressions from facial and body hair growth, disgust from how the thing between my legs started to try to get my attention, and of course how it destroyed my voice (I managed to get it partially back though).

Fortunately it otherwise didn't do too much damage. Oddly enough my figure developed partially in a feminine way. And this February I think I learned why: unusually high levels of my own estrogens (for a biological "male" that is). So I guess my body simply didn't really know what to do during puberty so I just turned into what my therapist called "overgrown child".

I'm incredibly grateful for that as hormones have very easy work. On the other hand it gave me incredible doubts in the past: do I feel like a woman because I'm actually one or just because my body seems so feminine?

Interesting thing- I never once masturbated until after I had sex with a girl and had my first orgasm when I was 17.  Spontaneous erections were a fairly rare thing for me when I was young, and morning wood wasn't common until I was in my 20s.  I also never could grow a proper 'stache or beard until I was over 30.  I wonder if I may have some kind of minor androgen insensitivity now or had wildly fluctuating T levels.  I also have no adam's apple and less of a brow ridge than my wife.  Hmm...

But my junk is "normal" sized, even a little bit larger than average from what I gather.  I mean, it's not porn star sized, but still... WTF?

puberty hit me a at 19, so i'm 2 years in. in other words, i was happy than once i turned 19, all i thought about was dying o.o so pretty much, hell cant even possible explain how hellish it is right now

Quote from: Jill F on June 19, 2014, 12:00:35 PM
Interesting thing- I never once masturbated until after I had sex with a girl and had my first orgasm when I was 17.  Spontaneous erections were a fairly rare thing for me when I was young, and morning wood wasn't common until I was in my 20s.  I also never could grow a proper 'stache or beard until I was over 30.  I wonder if I may have some kind of minor androgen insensitivity now or had wildly fluctuating T levels.  I also have no adam's apple and less of a brow ridge than my wife.  Hmm...

But my junk is "normal" sized, even a little bit larger than average from what I gather.  I mean, it's not porn star sized, but still... WTF?

Yea, being transgender is pretty weird isn't it? It seems to affect different people in really inconsistent ways, and the causes are extremely varied and complex. In my case there is really no readily apparent reason at all that I should be transgender. My voice is on the high end of the normal male range and my Adam's Apple is fairly small, and my hips are a bit wide for a male, but other than that there were never any obvious external signs that I was anything other than a normal male. Well, physical ones at least. It would be nice to know exactly what the heck caused me to feel this way, but I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. It's not like there's anything that could be done about it either way, besides what I already am doing.

Quote from: Miyuki on June 19, 2014, 12:27:23 PM
Yea, being transgender is pretty weird isn't it? It seems to affect different people in really inconsistent ways, and the causes are extremely varied and complex. In my case there is really no readily apparent reason at all that I should be transgender. My voice is on the high end of the normal male range and my Adam's Apple is fairly small, and my hips are a bit wide for a male, but other than that there were never any obvious external signs that I was anything other than a normal male. Well, physical ones at least. It would be nice to know exactly what the heck caused me to feel this way, but I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. It's not like there's anything that could be done about it either way, besides what I already am doing.

Pretty much sums it up.  Why exactly it is that I'm trans is kind of irrelevant to me now.  I just am and I am now working on making the best I can of it.  All I know is that estrogen made me feel a hundred times better and I must continue on the path that I'm on.  Plus I love to rock a cute maxi skirt.  They're sooo comfy and they make my butt look nice!