A carry letter from your Therapist may help ease your mind if you are worried about legal issue's. 

Maybe a little off topic, I have a habit of using whatever bathroom I feel my outfit leans toward, today happened to be male.  I got stared at, a little boy commented very loudly about how that dude looks like a girl, and one guy got confused he was in the wrong place and walked out, and as he came back in seemed, well, none too pleased while another guy walked out and waited for me to leave before going in. I kinda feel like if I hadnt been in there to change my child, there mighta been a problem, and it got me thinking... For a transitioning trans woman, what do you do if you get called out in the mens bathroom (the one that you are required by some outdated rules to use in some places)?  Ive never had problems using either bathroom before today. 

Quote from: Ms Grace on June 21, 2014, 01:38:10 AM
Being 6'3" I figured I'd get called out the second I walked into a women's rest room. Hasn't happened once. If you pass you shouldn't have too much to be concerned about. Just get in there, do what you need to do, wash up and leave. If you don't act in a way or dress in a way that's likely to get you noticed chances are no one will notice. Not that I've heard all of the stories about cis men who have gone into women's rest rooms for undesirable reason, but have they ever once dressed as a woman to do it? I've heard of cases of cis men being caught in the women's rest rooms and in all of those cases they were not dressed as women.

Me being 6'7", this was one of my biggest worries as well. At 3 months of being full time, it hasn't happened. Today I was in the women's room and the stall I went to, the lock didn't work properly and walked in on another woman. By the time she said anything the door was halfway open. I apologized and went to the next stall. (I didn't see anything, thankfully.) I think she was more embarrassed than I was. Later I thought that if it was going to happen, it would have right then.

The only reason I knew it was the lock on that stall and the exact same thing happened to my wife when she went to that bathroom earlier and she told me which stall it was after I told her what happened. Even though I do have a letter, I'll feel better when I get my new Driver's License on Monday with the correct gender

Quote from: Ms Grace on June 21, 2014, 01:38:10 AM
Being 6'3" I figured I'd get called out the second I walked into a women's rest room. Hasn't happened once. If you pass you shouldn't have too much to be concerned about. Just get in there, do what you need to do, wash up and leave. If you don't act in a way or dress in a way that's likely to get you noticed chances are no one will notice. Not that I've heard all of the stories about cis men who have gone into women's rest rooms for undesirable reason, but have they ever once dressed as a woman to do it? I've heard of cases of cis men being caught in the women's rest rooms and in all of those cases they were not dressed as women.

On a light note: Back when I had male-fail but before transition, I had women follow me into the men's rooms several times, do a double take and realize their mistake.

Just an aside. When I came out at work one of the guys saw me one my first day and I explained I was transitioning (I was wearing a skirt, boots etc) and he said. 'Does this mean I have to remember to put the seat down on the loo?' I said no I would be using the female toilet 'Thank God for that, I keep forgetting at home and my wife and daughter give me Hell about it'.

Hmmm, well I have yet to receive any severe negativity for using female restrooms specifically, but my method of dealing with negativity towards myself is as follows:

• Keep smiling, stay calm (you have to take the high ground, especially if there are witnesses, DO NOT LOOK ASHAMED OR "CAUGHT OUT!" THAT ONLY VALIDATES THEIR ACCUSATIONS THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE THERE!)
• Say something like "I'm sorry if you are upset by me being in here, and I can understand your shock, but what you may not know is that I am protected by law to use these facilities." (this will obviously depend on the laws in your country/state etc, but in Scotland we have this right.)

If this was not enough to sate their hatred, I would ask:

• "What is it exactly that bothers you about me? Maybe I can help ease your mind a bit" (This is only really worth doing if you are a confident debater, and if the person looks like they could potentially be reasoned with. I do this to see if I can calm the situation logically, and possibly even change the opinions of a hater just that little bit for the better...after all, these are the ones we have to try and change to make the world a better place for ourselves and others.)

If things then escalated further, my final stance would be:

• "Well I am sorry if me being here upsets you, but regardless of your opinion, as I have said, understand that I am protected by law. I have been polite up until now, but know that this is bordering on a hate crime now, which you can and will be arrested for if this goes any further. Is me being here for 5 minutes really worth you being arrested over? What about the fines or prison time that follow? And of course the media attention these types of thing always cause? Is it really worth it?" (Most people do not like the idea of being publicly accused of a hate crime, and everybody nowadays understands the implications of negative media attention etc on your life, never mind that their opinions could cost them money, jobs and more. Showing people the potential long running ramifications of what is most likely an on the spot moment of surprise driven anger has never failed to get people to back down.)
  

Repeat this until they calm down or leave. Then move on with your life


The way I see it, just trying to keep some core messages banked is the best way to deal with it. There is no point trying to remember lots of statistics etc to counter every variety of accusation out there. Just try to maintain your composure, stick to your points, and most of all, be confident in yourself...or at least fake it xD

In summary

• Keep Smiling, Maintain Control and do not look ashamed
• Inform them that you are within your rights
• (optional)Attempt to discover their problem and possibly try to change their opinion
• Re-state your rights and highlight the ramifications to them personally should they continue to abuse you
• Carry on with life

Hope that helps ^^

If someone were to ask me, "Aren't you in the wrong loo?", I'd reply, "Me?  I thought you were.  The gents' is next door, isn't it?"

My favorite loo story: After a pride parade last year, all of us went to this big hotel for a few drinks.  At one point I went into the loo.  Somehow I was the only one in there.  Huge hotel, people all over the place, yet I was the only one in the loo.

While I was taking care of my business, I heard somebody come in.  From the sounds they were making, I told myself, "Must be the cleaning lady."

When I came out of the stall, I saw that I was wrong.  It was the cleaning guy.  He immediately went all apologetic: "Sorry!  I didn't know you were in there."

I felt like screaming at him, "Get the ***** out of here, you ***** pervert!"  But I just smiled and assured him he was OK.  I hugely enjoyed the irony of the situation.

Since I'm only 5'2" and about as threatening as a hamster I  get no hassles or looks.   

In Madrid, with the whole bar-and-tapas thing my concern is that many stalls, apart from being yucky also have a dodgy or broken lock, and let's face it ladies, while I still can pee standing up I intend to do so.  But yeah, one day someone is gonna barge in and find me standing like John Wayne, ahem...

Never ever have any issues in the women's washroom.

Sometimes other women will start chatting with me, sometimes they ask me if i have a pad or tampon, other times we all say nothing and leave without a word.

It's always a non-event

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 22, 2014, 05:43:11 AM
Since I'm only 5'2" and about as threatening as a hamster I  get no hassles or looks.   

In Madrid, with the whole bar-and-tapas thing my concern is that many stalls, apart from being yucky also have a dodgy or broken lock, and let's face it ladies, while I still can pee standing up I intend to do so.  But yeah, one day someone is gonna barge in and find me standing like John Wayne, ahem...

You're tall!! Lol jk jk. I wish I was taller I hate being 5'0 it's like everyone else is a giant and I'm a midget
5'5 or 5'6 is the height I wish i was.

Our short stature may have something to do with why we pass so well though and easily blend in using the washrooms

Quote from: HelloKitty on June 22, 2014, 06:35:24 AM
You're tall!! Lol jk jk. I wish I was taller I hate being 5'0 it's like everyone else is a giant and I'm a midget
5'5 or 5'6 is the height I wish i was.

Our short stature may have something to do with why we pass so well though and easily blend in using the washrooms

HelloKitty, my dear!!

Being so short is an absolute gift for you and me girl...!!!  5'0" is cute, although maybe you battle finding nice clothes?  Finally I am a standard woman size - everything just fits.  And we can go to the teens section where there are often much nicer and hipper clothes!

xxx
Julia

I usually try to avoid using women's restrooms because I don't yet have an "F" on my drivers license, but sometimes ya just gotta pee. The times I have used the women's restroom I march in confidently, do my business, wash up, and leave. I've even had conversations over the stall walls while taking care of things which was a little unnerving because A) that doesn't happen in the mens restroom, and B) I thought I sounded a lot like a dude at the time and the other person was probably thinking WTF?!?! Overall i've had no issues at all other than being stared at by the ladies waiting in the line when I exited the stall. I'm not quite sure why they stared at me to be honest but maybe I just took too long.

I do have a carry letter from my therapist in case things get dicey but so far it's remained in my purse.

Quote from: HelloKitty on June 22, 2014, 06:35:24 AM
You're tall!! Lol jk jk. I wish I was taller I hate being 5'0 it's like everyone else is a giant and I'm a midget
5'5 or 5'6 is the height I wish i was.

Our short stature may have something to do with why we pass so well though and easily blend in using the washrooms

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 22, 2014, 09:39:05 AM
HelloKitty, my dear!!

Being so short is an absolute gift for you and me girl...!!!  5'0" is cute, although maybe you battle finding nice clothes?  Finally I am a standard woman size - everything just fits.  And we can go to the teens section where there are often much nicer and hipper clothes!

xxx
Julia

I am 5'11"...so well over 6 foot tall in heels..my jealousy of you both knows no bounds -.-;

I always intended to either flash my driver's license or my boobs, depending on how confrontational I was feeling. In reality, it never was an issue - well, unless you count the couple of times MEN told me I was in the wrong bathroom when I used the men's, and that was my hint to switch to the ladies room. Also, from what I've heard from masculine/butch cis women, the voice also goes a long way towards convincing people; female voice = instant apology. Since 99% of cis people seem unaware that trans women can even have a female voice, they take that as a guarantee that this person is also a cis woman.

(I did have my paranoia justified when, the first time I used a locker room post-op and post-swimming, a little kid yanked the curtain wide open! The mother yelled at *me* for being naked [how else do you change?!], but thank God there was nothing worse anymore for her to freak out about.)

Quote from: Eva Marie on June 22, 2014, 10:01:31 AM
I usually try to avoid using women's restrooms because I don't yet have an "F" on my drivers license, but sometimes ya just gotta pee. The times I have used the women's restroom I march in confidently, do my business, wash up, and leave. I've even had conversations over the stall walls while taking care of things which was a little unnerving because A) that doesn't happen in the mens restroom, and B) I thought I sounded a lot like a dude at the time and the other person was probably thinking WTF?!?! Overall i've had no issues at all other than being stared at by the ladies waiting in the line when I exited the stall. I'm not quite sure why they stared at me to be honest but maybe I just took too long.

I do have a carry letter from my therapist in case things get dicey but so far it's remained in my purse.

And here I thought only guys talked to other people while they're on the toilet!
Yet another gender-role myth debunked 

Quote from: HelloKitty on June 22, 2014, 06:35:24 AM
You're tall!! Lol jk jk. I wish I was taller I hate being 5'0 it's like everyone else is a giant and I'm a midget
5'5 or 5'6 is the height I wish i was.

Our short stature may have something to do with why we pass so well though and easily blend in using the washrooms

I think there's no doubt whatsoever that our short stature makes us more passable.  At 5'3", there is no way I'd want to be 5'6", and if I were only 5'0", I wouldn't complain.  I've never once been challenged in the ladies' room.  I walk right in and nobody pays the least bit of attention to me.  Am I going to complain about my size?  Call me a midget if you like.  I'm a very happy midget.

Quote from: HelloKitty on June 22, 2014, 06:21:33 AM
Never ever have any issues in the women's washroom.

Sometimes other women will start chatting with me, sometimes they ask me if i have a pad or tampon, other times we all say nothing and leave without a word.

It's always a non-event

In 40-some years of using the women's room, nobody has ever asked me for a pad or tampon haha!
Though I have been given odd/confused looks and told I'm in the wrong restroom a couple times. But not in a horrible way. They were just concerned.

Quote from: Danniella on June 22, 2014, 10:40:14 AM
I am 5'11"...so well over 6 foot tall in heels..my jealousy of you both knows no bounds -.-;

Hey Danniella, I dunno, from your avatar you look really delicate.  If I'd been born female I would have liked to be as tall as you are.  I have a few very tall girlfriends, and they just look so good in a nice dress, whereas I still look like a hamster!  Ah, we can always find something to moan about, can't we ? 

Quote from: Eva Marie on June 22, 2014, 10:01:31 AM
I usually try to avoid using women's restrooms because I don't yet have an "F" on my drivers license, but sometimes ya just gotta pee. The times I have used the women's restroom I march in confidently, do my business, wash up, and leave. I've even had conversations over the stall walls while taking care of things which was a little unnerving because A) that doesn't happen in the mens restroom, and B) I thought I sounded a lot like a dude at the time and the other person was probably thinking WTF?!?! Overall i've had no issues at all other than being stared at by the ladies waiting in the line when I exited the stall. I'm not quite sure why they stared at me to be honest but maybe I just took too long.

I do have a carry letter from my therapist in case things get dicey but so far it's remained in my purse.

Are things really this cordial in the lady's bathroom?

You can just go in, sit down and just be all business like #2 with a thermobaric haze cloud wafting up all around you and the lady next door is happily chatting about her facelift or something?

I mean really? I'd feel inclined to keep quiet, probably rather mortified.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on June 22, 2014, 09:39:05 AM
HelloKitty, my dear!!

Being so short is an absolute gift for you and me girl...!!!  5'0" is cute, although maybe you battle finding nice clothes?  Finally I am a standard woman size - everything just fits.  And we can go to the teens section where there are often much nicer and hipper clothes!

xxx
Julia

5'4" here.