Here are a few things that I didn't expect, or that others don't seem to understand for a transition. Please fill in a few of your own kinda surprise moments.

Ok, So here I am about 6 months into my transition, and I just came out to parents friends etc.

One kinda reoccurring notion they get is that I have somehow sustained abuse at the hands of others for transitioning. They say this with a lot of empathy though. Like when I talk in general about how people treated me, and some of the struggles I faced, I am usually talking about my struggles of just existing within a male genderline, but they jump to conclusions that I am talking about negative experiences after transitioning to a presenting transgender. I am finding that people are treating me better in general than before I transitioned.

I was actually expecting a lot more of a struggle myself. The first time I presented, people who would never give me a second glance as a boy, seemed to smile at me. Just strangers on the street all were very nice to me. Boys that met me seemed to give me a little more time to speak without going off into their own rants and girls stopped automatically assuming that any conversation I am having or nice gesture is somehow related to the biological urge to procreate with them.

Coming out to my father was extremely difficult for me to muster the courage. I ended up spending a day with them and trying to tell them in person. I got scared and chickened out. Kinda angry for myself for my self defeat, I went on to simply write to my stepmother in facebook. After they knew, they simply replied they were happy I got the courage to tell them. I know this does not happen for many other transpeople, but there is always a possibility that the experience can go well, even if it doesn't happen great in the start. In general, even the friends who have kinda been super unexposed to trans have taken it better than I expected. The only thing being that people worry I will be hurt or abused by others for presenting and are relieved when I tell them that I have been treated very well by the populace.

*Let it be known that there is nothing wrong with dropping the word about your gender and not being around when it's read. I think most people need to deal with the news in their own way, and are better about things when they have thought of what exactly to say, and mean what they say.


Ya, people can surprise you at times lol.

Good luck and post some stories for us

Ive only told my parents and one of my three sisters. My sister accepted my wholeheartedly so quickly it was like whiplash. I knew she would accept me, but that quickly was unexpected. My parents reacted mostly in the was I expected. I suspect my mom is in denial, but both of them are going to be ok with it in the long run.

Yeah, I told my sis I was genderfluid months before I leaned into full transition. She came out to me she was gay when she was 11 and I took it well, so she was easy for me to tell.

Parents can take a while. My Bio-mother still doesn't know and I am thinking she will just hear it through the grapevine lol.

I was surprised by how many people were rejecting of either my transition or of me completely as a person. I understood that coming out is often far from a cakewalk, but I spent most of my life under pressure from people who thought that I was a closeted lesbian, or that it was unhealthy that I didn't understand makeup and fashion. I thought all those people who were so dissatisfied with my gender behavior would be happy to see me stop pretending. I mean, they cared enough to say something, sometimes lots of things. It turned out that the people who wanted me to come out of the closet had something different in mind than I did.

I was surprised that most of my friends who were lesbians or feminists were not accepting, considering that they had more experience with and education about gender roles and society than most people do.

I was surprised at how many people just ignored my coming out to them, and continued to use the wrong name and pronouns, sometimes even when it got them funny looks and corrections from everyone else.

I was surprised at how awesome most strangers have been. There are some nasty prejudices out there, but the average human in public is remarkably respectful.

I was surprised at how drastically my experience of life got better when I came out, even before I made any changes to my body or told very many people. I didn't realize how stressful it was always trying to be a girl. As soon as I let that go I felt like a real human, like I had been released from a cage or something. That confidence boost - and the exhilaration of seeing that I could actually have a say in my outward gender - made the thorny practicalities of transition much less difficult than I might have expected.

I was a bit surprised at the minefield that sexual orientation is. Sometimes people are totally understanding that I am a man, but can't accept that I could be gay. I admit I took it for granted how comfortable it was to not be seen as a member of a minority population before I transitioned.

I think most of my friends and family found out through gossip. That was not surprising, but I was shocked at how much my neighbors talked about it at the time. I more than once overheard or bumbled into people in the halls discussing my transition like it was some kind of crazy scandal.

I will say that when I came out to my little sister, her reaction was basically "Well that explains everything!"

Little sisters for the WIN!

Yeah, I actually was shocked when I casually mentioned to gay people and advocates that I am polyamourus. I thought it would be no big deal, but apparently it's somehow reconciled in their mind that 2 same sexed people are fine, but 3 or 4 even in hetero situations is downright wrong. People told me it wouldn't last, that it was a phase but I am happy to bring poly with me into old age. Of course it's filled with misconceptions much like being trans is to most peoples awareness.

So ya, I have had some bad coming out experiences myself, but for some reason the trans thing wasn't an issue yet. Im like 90% out but the last 10% may be the hardest and hence why it was saved for last.

Some gay people are under the delusion that trans means that a person wants to transition to hide latent gayness. Oh how I wish I were merely gay sometimes and not a lesbian-ish transgirl.I know it comes with challenges to be cis-gay, but at least you can kinda hide it a little better until you come to grips with it yourself.


It's interesting to hear your perspective. I have always been jealous of the ability of women to be able to make themselves seem younger, more colorful, vibrant. I never saw makeup as necessary for them, but it was a valuable tool. I guess with your situation, did you feel like you wanted to just drop the maintenance side of it? I have noticed I take an hour or more in the shower these days lol. Before my transition, I would forget to shave for 3 days, had my head shaved so no hair brushing or grooming, and would be able to be out the door for school in like 25 mins which is now impossible.
However I might have been kinda neglectful to my appearance as I didn't even know what makes a man attractive, let alone how to make myself an attractive man. It was an attempt in futility and I ended up just accepting that I could not do a single thing to make myself attractive to myself until I started my transition. Now instead of awkward faces, I am at least smiling for pictures.

I think even a lot of transwomen would not automatically understand the struggle of transmen. I am curious if we have more in common, or exactly opposite things that drive our gender change. Like for me, the maintenance of femminization feels like I haven't forgotten myself & I am doing something proactive to re-emphasize that love for me. I could see it becoming a chore though if it was a necessity to hide behind.

It was an awfully long time ago, more than 40 years, but the thing that amazed me was how absolutely easy and natural it was living after transition. As a 'pretend-boy' I had to be forever on my guard about how I spoke, moved, and even walked. Even then, people seemed to get suspicious after a very short time, suspicious that there was something 'odd' about me. After transition, I could just let go and be completely natural and unguarded and everybody accepted me as cis female with no reservations. I was also surprised how totally opposite I was as a person. I went from being quiet and shy to outgoing and gregarious. I went from being reserved to being very forward and engaging. I also became a terrible flirt! LOL!

For the few people who knew me from my previous life, most didn't even recognize me after a few months and they were just astounded at how different I had become.

I was surprised that I had ZERO poor reactions among friends, family, acquaintances, or local store clerks. There've been a handful of jerks since, but they're all people who don't know me at all and are generally cruel to everyone around them (think troll commenters on news sites, etc.). Similarly, I was convinced I'd never be able to blend in as a typical woman, and it started happening within a few months of HRT.  I was constantly braced for the worst on both fronts, and... it never happened.

I know, I'm amazingly lucky.

I was surprised that my older brother was 100% on board with me being transgender, considering we haven't been close since we were 8 years old due to a trauma. Didn't expect my parents to tolerate it either, I guess they always had a feeling since I never liked girly things. I did expect them to not want to talk about since it brings them shame in having a freak for a child.

Quote from: Hermosa_Tabby on June 29, 2014, 05:18:34 AM
It's interesting to hear your perspective. I have always been jealous of the ability of women to be able to make themselves seem younger, more colorful, vibrant. I never saw makeup as necessary for them, but it was a valuable tool. I guess with your situation, did you feel like you wanted to just drop the maintenance side of it? I have noticed I take an hour or more in the shower these days lol. Before my transition, I would forget to shave for 3 days, had my head shaved so no hair brushing or grooming, and would be able to be out the door for school in like 25 mins which is now impossible.
However I might have been kinda neglectful to my appearance as I didn't even know what makes a man attractive, let alone how to make myself an attractive man. It was an attempt in futility and I ended up just accepting that I could not do a single thing to make myself attractive to myself until I started my transition. Now instead of awkward faces, I am at least smiling for pictures.

I know it's easy to throw current assumptions all over the past, but lots of women don't touch makeup, and I think part of why so many people were bothered that I didn't wear it is that I was noticeably masculine. They didn't know how to categorize me if I wasn't a lesbian and acted that much like a boy. People often tried to intervene and "help" me be pretty, thinking I was just naive. Or they tried to make me come out of the closet, ignoring my love for boys because that didn't fit with any category they knew. Some people are so needy about gender stereotypes.

My feelings about maintenance haven't changed a lot with my transition. I used to always shave my armpits because it didn't occur to me that that might be negotiable, and I almost never shaved my legs because I felt like that habit came from society's overvaluing youth. Even when I tried my best to be good woman, I wasn't aiming to look prepubescent. Since transition, I shave my face sometimes. My facial hair is patchy and unimpressive and I'm lazy about it. Maintenance as a man seems to be mostly about deodorant and laundry. I smell sour and look slovenly much more quickly than I used to.

I think smiling for pictures is a good thing to do, no matter how you look or what gender you are or present as. 

Quote from: Hermosa_Tabby on June 29, 2014, 05:18:34 AM
I think even a lot of transwomen would not automatically understand the struggle of transmen. I am curious if we have more in common, or exactly opposite things that drive our gender change. Like for me, the maintenance of femminization feels like I haven't forgotten myself & I am doing something proactive to re-emphasize that love for me. I could see it becoming a chore though if it was a necessity to hide behind.

I think we have a lot in common. You could invert the gender of your statements and they'd still make sense. I went like 15 years fighting everyone who said I was doing gender wrong, and then a little while being "officially" androgynous, and then changed my name and took hormones and became a person whose malehood is rarely questioned. It was frustrating to experience the freedom of having my intentions announced and my identity somewhat fluid and then go right back into a locked-down category. We police hard and we make the walls high, especially considering that a ton of us are trying to get to a place that a ton of us are trying to leave behind.

I really like the comfort of being recognized socially as the person I know I am, but part of why I hang around this forum is that I don't think any of our experiences are garbage to throw out as soon as we hit our milestones.

-
Returning to the thread question - I was really concerned about animals. I worried that cats and dogs especially would smell me as my non-target gender. The happiest surprise ever was the first time a dog freaked out at me and the owner apologized and told me their dog just doesn't like men. xD

These are great perspectives Felix and I am happy you shared them. I don't like things to be a mystery to me, so I ask a lot of questions. My early experiences with other tgirls was asking them all the wrong questions they hear all the time lol. However, when they were able to demystify the common misconceptions around it, that is what made me understand that it might be the right choice for me. I tend to like girls, so I thought it wasn't an option for me. A brief venture in the land of gay males kinda soured me to the lifestyle, but allowed me to be me for a time without transitioning. I loved being able to cry, and to like some stuff that came natural to me, but I simply wasn't craving the other guys and the sensual interaction (I kept fantasizing about girls lol.)

I hope the spread of awareness eventually helps everyone be able to make the right decision. Too many people are living with a mask of who they are not.

Ya, it's interesting being the most girly one in a house-full of cisfemale roomates lol. Most don't wear much makeup. I would love the natural female look for me, but once you have put foundation on, it just doesn't look right unless you go whole hog.

Unsure if this is the case for others, but what surprised me the most so far when I came out to people is that people kind of just accepted it and rarely ask anything.

Like, I did all this writing and research, and wondered how to answer every possible question and had information to pull out if people needed help grasping anything, but ... when I actually came out to people they just expressed surprise at not having noticed, and then simply that they'd be there if I needed anything.

It was kind of disappointing since I expected to talk about things a lot more and was eager to share my plans and my new name and a bunch of other stuff. But maybe it's nice people weren't too affected by it, at least from what they tell me.

Oh god, there were SO many surprises...
For one, I was really surprised first at how hard it was to be a guy, and then how easy it was, if that makes sense. I had a weird time at first because I dove headlong into hypermasculinity, and was upset because I couldn't express my feelings anymore or talk to others about theirs. I even had some second thoughts about transition. However, it was kinda funny- as I got further along in transition and really settled in to my new roles and relaxed on trying to be more masculine than I really am, I realized that I can still be my same old self with my friends and family, even if I have to really act it up sometimes around groups of men. I was almost a little surprised at how close I got with all my guy friends, too- I always kinda assumed I'd be closer with them as a girl than as a guy, but it ended up being the opposite, and a lot of my friends that never really talked to me about that much personal stuff really started opening up to me.
Another surprise: people were WAY more accepting of me when I swear, which I think is kind of ridiculous, but that's neither here nor there.
Another one: I became really really feminist. I was never *not* feminist pre-transition, but transitioning really brought to light all the BS that girls have to deal with- I'll often tell people that the quickest way I could tell if I was passing or not was if I was being treated with respect, and that's really upsetting, knowing that women go through that kind of stuff all the time.
Last one: I finally came to accept my bisexuality! I'd known I was bisexual since 6th grade, but as time went on, I convinced myself I only liked girls because it made me feel more masculine, I guess. But when I got comfortable with being a guy, I realized that I didn't just like girls at all, and was finally able to be myself, really. It was pretty cool.

I was surprised how absolutely accepting all my friends, family and work collegues have been so far.  I have not lost anyone yet.  Really surprising.

My current surprise is nose hair. On testosterone I grow a lush forest of hair in my nose that would be great on my chin or sideburns, or on someone else's head if it were longer. I have zero use for this. I pluck or trim my nose hair several times a week and it's barely kept in check.

Also, bellybutton lint. I thought that was a myth. I like my belly fur, but this side effect is so goofy. Am I supposed to walk to the garbage every day to dispose of my lint, or do I just let it collect until I shower?

Quote from: Felix on August 06, 2014, 01:25:09 AM
Also, bellybutton lint. I thought that was a myth. I like my belly fur, but this side effect is so goofy. Am I supposed to walk to the garbage every day to dispose of my lint, or do I just let it collect until I shower?

Aren't you supposed to make soup out of it?  Nobody will ever guess what that certain je-ne-sais-quois is. 

Quote from: Northern Jane on June 29, 2014, 05:40:43 AM
It was an awfully long time ago, more than 40 years, but the thing that amazed me was how absolutely easy and natural it was living after transition. As a 'pretend-boy' I had to be forever on my guard about how I spoke, moved, and even walked. Even then, people seemed to get suspicious after a very short time, suspicious that there was something 'odd' about me. After transition, I could just let go and be completely natural and unguarded and everybody accepted me as cis female with no reservations. I was also surprised how totally opposite I was as a person. I went from being quiet and shy to outgoing and gregarious. I went from being reserved to being very forward and engaging. I also became a terrible flirt! LOL!

For the few people who knew me from my previous life, most didn't even recognize me after a few months and they were just astounded at how different I had become.

^THIS^  Being a girl is super easy for me.  Being a guy was beyond hard.   I sh*t canned the act and just did what came naturally. 

And yes, I do admit to shamelessly flirting with Yngwie Malmsteen at the House of Blues. 

The lack of surprise.. Comments like 'What took you so long?' and 'That took longer than I thought it would.' and my all time personal favourite 'Derrr!'.

Apart from that, the real surprise is how absurdly simple I've found most of it..

Quote from: Jill F on August 06, 2014, 01:30:01 AM
Aren't you supposed to make soup out of it?  Nobody will ever guess what that certain je-ne-sais-quois is. 

Lol. They'd never figure it out.

I just told my boss and he had a neighbor that went through this and he has a relative that is gay, so he's already used to this and is 100% on my side. I knew he was a good guy, but I expect that he would be familiar with this issue.

Quote from: kelly_aus on August 06, 2014, 02:32:44 AM
The lack of surprise.. Comments like 'What took you so long?' and 'That took longer than I thought it would.' and my all time personal favourite 'Derrr!'.

Apart from that, the real surprise is how absurdly simple I've found most of it..

This. I mean, people could have acted a bit surprised.

A current surprise is people who I haven't seen for a bit not recognizing me. I guess I should have expected that but since I'm only 3 months on T it takes me by surprise.

Also... camping with my friends made me realize how often I have held back from doing things to conform to the theoretical female gender role. And how nice it was to not have that pressure to decide if I was going to conform and wish I was doing stuff or face the possible criticism/questions/non-acceptance that comes from stepping out of that role. And it's stupid. why should a woman be questioned for being adventurous and risk-taking?

heh.. these gender roles are so weird. one of my coworkers apparently stopped wearing make-up. this is not the sort of thing I notice. ever. so other female coworkers were commenting and the make-up-less coworker was saying how surprised she was more people hadn't noticed. They all sort of looked at me at that moment and I started laughing because I never notice stuff like this. I didn't have to say anything,  they all sort of laughed and commented on how I was a "guy".