I'm curious if there is anyone in your life that will never know. I'm not talking like starting a new job as your preferred gender with a new name. I mean someone that you can say "I wish I could tell you about this really important thing in my life, but I can't ."

Mine is my one grandmother. She is not in great health anymore, and she is quite up there in age. My parents agree that we won't tell her unless it becomes impossible for me to hide it. (I have a trans friend mtf who can still appear male even after a year of hrt. She has shown me some ways to hide it). I think my grandmother would either be too confused or get too upset about it.

It has to be like your example tailored to each persons level. I personally told my whole family then came out on my male FB page inviting supporters to go to my new female page. I then closed the male page out. 

I have one friend who I have known for a very long time. He is gay, but very transphobic. To the point of saying "I hate trans people". I know I'll lose him eventually, but I'm not ready just yet.

I have some old academic mentors that I will never tell. It breaks my heart to think about letting them down, and it doesn't matter, so they'll just not hear from me again.

We weren't going to tell my 92 yr old mother in law. She found out and said to me 'as long as you look after my daughter I have no problems with you living your life as Cindy'. That was about 3 years ago, she never misses a pronoun or forgets my name.

She is a wonderful lady.

That ship done sailed.  I just assume everyone knows by now.  If they have a problem, well, it's all theirs.  Not giving a sh*t anymore about what anyone thinks is very liberating.

My mother told me that I had relatives that I probably shouldn't ever tell, so I just told my gossipy cousin and let her take care of that one for me.  So I ended up losing an ignoranus of a drunkle.  He's an idiot anyway and can just go chase cheap ass whiskey with even cheaper ass whiskey for all I care.

I won't be telling my mother any time soon that I am non binary, specifically MTA/Q.  The reason is that she suffered for most of her life with severe post natal depression which started when I was born.  There were a lot of factors which caused her significant stress during her pregnancy.  If the science is right then this most likely caused the misgendering of my brain in utero.  I love her too much to add another issue and cause her further guilt and depression as she has only become free of chronic depression in the last decade.

I might feel differently if I was intending to pursue a binary transition.

I sometimes wrestle with this issue as I would like to have a completely authentic relationship and understanding with my mother, and I have come close to telling her a number of times, but my sense is that the distress that this would cause her would far outweigh my unburdening myself.

Aisla

I didn't know what to do about my grandmother either as she has the same issues.

However when I brought it up to my gender therapist, she said she would be VERY surprised if my gma would have a problem w/ it. She said she has never once heard of an unsupportive grandparent. I didn't believe her at the time, but did set out to tell my grandmother anyway.

Turns out my grandmother has been one of the most immediately supportive people in my family. Kind of nuts.

Maybe the same will hold true for you, too, in time

Not telling my grandma. She abused the hell out of me for years, is still terribly abusive, says I look like a dyke with my new haircut (she doesn't mean it as a compliment but I take it as one), doesn't believe that I have suffered from ADHD and depression my entire life, and uses language like the T-word.

I also might not come out fully to my mother. She has schizophrenia and severe major depression, so I don't know whether she could handle such a big disclosure. But I am teaching her about queer people and what it means to not identify with binary gender, so that is good.

Everyone else in the world can know whatever. I am so over hiding myself from people. It was multiplying my anxiety and depression a thousandfold.

I had considered telling my mother, but even though now I would like to, I can't seeing as she passed away earlier this year. She was only 53 so, best to tell people sooner than later if you are uncertain because we don't really know how long someone is going to live.

I have told everyone close to me, before I go full time I am going to make a new Facebook and make an announcement on my old one... But, I will be purging my Facebook before I do this of people who it just isn't worth the effort to deal with or are no longer relevant to my life in any way (like people who were friends with my wife but not me). I know I am going to have to explain it like ten million times so better to just rid myself of those who aren't worth it before having to deal with coming out to them .

I won't be telling my father. I don't speak to him,  haven't really since what '98 '99 (still have to see him work that one out folks). The problem comes in when I tell family, one of the arguments thrown at me is
"Your doing this just to get back at him" or
"Do you hate your father that much".

No I'm doing this because I am now on the way to happiness and I need to it is right for me (sorry for the slight derail)

Quote from: Jennygirl on June 28, 2014, 04:42:57 AM
I didn't know what to do about my grandmother either as she has the same issues.

However when I brought it up to my gender therapist, she said she would be VERY surprised if my gma would have a problem w/ it. She said she has never once heard of an unsupportive grandparent. I didn't believe her at the time, but did set out to tell my grandmother anyway.

Turns out my grandmother has been one of the most immediately supportive people in my family. Kind of nuts.

Maybe the same will hold true for you, too, in time

I was sure that my grand parents would hate the idea, especially after I had been disowned by my parents and brother and the damage it has done to my relationship with my sister. Turns out they are the probably the most supportive people in the family. My gran has complimented me many times and has been awesome about everything. :-)

My extended family in South America. Once I start transitioning, I can never see them again or even go back to my country to visit them which is fine since we aren't close. Not sure how changing my gender marker and name will happen since my birth certificate is over there and my mom says they don't allow that.

I initially intended not to tell my grandparents, for the same reason - they're very elderly, in frail health, and old-fashioned. My mother told me (they're her parents) that "it would kill them, maybe literally." My sister apparently got pissed off at my mother and told them FOR me!

I was kind of annoyed at the time, since the decision was taken out of my hands, but they've been fantastic. As supportive and loving as ever, and they not only get pronouns and name right, my grandmother switched right away to calling me "dear" and my grandfather started hugging instead of a handshake, which is their big "thing" for women vs. men. (Heck, they've been better about pronouns than my parents!)

My ex-wife. 

Sadly, I knew that she would never accompany me on any meaningful personal journey - she was much too comfortable with her own life to consider compromising on it for her then-husband.  I have no intention tof telling her, but if she finds out, so be it, and I really don't care what she thinks!

My grandfather on my mom's side of the family.  Sadly he passed away a little over a month ago now so the decision is out of my hands.

In retrospect I don't think I gave him enough credit in this and I really don't think the problem was with him so much as me.  He was such a father figure to me early in my life, my mom was divorced and worked a LOT to make ends meet and my sister and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents as a result.  I was so afraid of disappointing him and knowing him and the man he was I think he would have loved me just the same.  It probably would have been weird for him but I think he would have wanted me to be myself and happy.

When I begin my transition, I'm going to tell everyone except random strangers. You will accept me as a girl or I won't having anything to do with you. I'm hoping I don't lose my 2 sisters that dint know yet. Its going to be worse with one than the other, yet both are going to have a hard time with it. Fortunately with my other sister she accepted it so readily, I was shocked. No hesitation at all on her part. I can't even imagine what will happen with my 2 remaining grandparents. Seeing as how I rarely see them any more, I may not tell them. Ironically I think they might be more accepting than my 2 remaining sisters. My grandpa used to be a pastor and worked with people most Christians would have done anything in their power to avoid. So who knows.

Honestly, I don't think I'll tell my grandmother, but she isn't dumb. Old age hasn't done anything to her mind. I'm sure she'll take notice at some things, like when my hair starts growing out. It'll only be a matter of time before she asks me what's going on.

Quote from: ChelseaAnn on July 02, 2014, 03:39:40 PM
Honestly, I don't think I'll tell my grandmother, but she isn't dumb. Old age hasn't done anything to her mind. I'm sure she'll take notice at some things, like when my hair starts growing out. It'll only be a matter of time before she asks me what's going on.

Yep, pretty much the same boat here. My grandma is sharp as a tack, and it's looking more and more like I will be living with her while transitioning. Still, I'm going to do whatever I can to not engage with her on the subject.

There's no one that I've not told or didn't want to know. I have no shame in who I am at all. Now there had been people who others didn't want to tell, and that sort of irked me because I knew that sooner or later they would know .I felt that that would have been unfair to them.  One person was my Aunt, who is in an assisted living facility. She's all there most of the time, but sometimes not to lucid (84 years old). We live about 1000 miles apart, but I do see her a couple of times a year. As luck will have it, I'm moving back there shortly.  Other family thought it would be too much for her, but she was actually fine. Now one person I wish I could have told, but can't, is my Father. He died many years ago. I think he'd be fine with all of this too.