This topic immediately made me think of someone that came to me recently in some PMs, she's having a really hard time transitioning, keeps saying how ugly she is, but she's not, but no matter what I say to her, its not getting through. I feel bad, things didn't turn out the way she envisioned them to, and now, she's totally crushed to defeat. Always ever comparing herself to others more fortunate, beautiful women like me (this coming from her mouth; I'm hearing this all too much, its not my fault, should I slash my face up or something so you can feel better about yourself) and some others on here that have reason to be happy, that pretty girls have it all and ugly ones are just ugly and suffer miserable lives. She doesn't think she looks feminine at all, my mom when I showed her thinks she looks very much like a woman (my mom gives it straight, no sugar coating ever, she can be a bit harsh sometimes with me), not super gorgeous but fine, plain, but pretty (nice lips and eyes), and I know if she'd stop hating herself so much there'd be plenty of guys (if that's what she's into) that would love to have a chance with her. But her envy of others on here is too strong, she only sees the external beauty of others, compares to her critical thinking of seeing herself in the mirror, seeing only masculine flaws and an ugly face, but the real ugly is inside. After a bit, I feel bad, but I gave up on her, didn't know what else to say. But as she said, words aren't enough, results are, and according to her, it wasn't happening.
Before I went into all this transition stuff I spent years thinking about it, planning out different scenarios in my mind, every possible outcome that I could think of and how best I'd handle it. I remember wanting to rush into it, glad it didn't happen that way, I needed time to prepare me for the changes that would develop in my life once I took full flight into living as a woman. I never thought myself a really handsome guy when I was portraying a man, but I wasn't ugly, just average, skinny, super oily skin, zits all over my face, and just felt awkward about myself. I look back now though and one thing that does hit me, I always had a nice smile, and its that same smile I still wear, I just wear it more comfortably now, happy to be me, not just a temporary result of a brief moment. I had no real idea of what I'd look like as a woman, but I did explore a realistic view with my imagination, always looking at my features, bone structure, muscles, and where would the fat go on me once on the hormones. I turned out pretty close to what I expected, but while I didn't change all that much, I can admit that I turned out prettier than I thought (this only on my good days when I'm feeling most feminine on the inside, feel masculine then I'm going to see myself that way too). But see, that's it, I didn't expect much, mostly when I wanted this I just wanted to get rid of that awful feeling inside of me, feeling like I was trapped, the hormones did that, the physical results were just a bonus (though more would be better, but that'll have to come in time, I can exercise to slim my waist to give more curves, the rest will come with surgery). Though once on them and starting to see the changes, of coarse I desired for even better results, who wouldn't. I am pretty, this I can admit (now that I'm back on the hormones, I hated myself when I was off of them, that was the male mind creeping back in), but if I wasn't, I'd still had done it. The transitioning was necessary for me to be able to love myself and I'm talking on the inside. The pretty looks are my own, just as for another would be theirs, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what is pretty for one may not be for someone else, someone who thinks themselves ugly may actually have someone out there that thinks otherwise about them.
For those that are having trouble with themselves, don't get wrapped up in someone else's looks, focus on yourself, you are as beautiful as you choose to be, spend all your days envious of others, always wishing you could look like them, or have their lives, that is when you become ugly.
