Alright, my current situation, 5 months on hormones and Im passing quite well, not clocked often in female clothes, almost overwhelming gendered female in my androgynous/ leaning male wardrobe. I want to move on and go "full-time", which means wearing makeup and female clothes at work, but 1)my wardrobe is incredibly shallow 2)I dont want to go back and forth between clothes there 3)I dont have much time for shopping, work and a toddler that just is at the perfect age to mke it impossible 4)Im overwhelmed a bit when I do get to go, tiny circle of friends that are usually busy means I go alone, or with a friend who admittedly cant help much. I need help there, Trying to do it myself is slow going and its going to take months to learn and figure out at this rate. I also feel a bit anxious because pretty much the only people I pass as male too these days are people that I am introduced to as male.
I went on a date last night with a guy. Im not physically attracted to guys, but I have become a bit emotionally attracted to a couple. Last night was one of them, and it went really really well. We both had a great time, things went smoothly, I didnt even have any problems when I got carded, the person didnt even look at it, I left it in my wallet and the edge of the plastic display area hides the gender marker, and they really didnt even look at it. One guy even bought us both drinks (my date was going to make me cover the round, and the guy hitting on me wanted to show him up and bought them for me, being a girl is sometimes awesome). Of course there was the dark flipside to that, the attention from dead shark eyed gross guys that look at you like they eye their favorite food, absolutely disgusting. During the date we held hands, even ended up cuddling for a while, it was all very unexpectedly enjoyable to me, every single minute and everything that happened. He does know im trans, actually knew me before I started to transition, and at one point in he date he told me he felt like the universe was playing a cruel trick on him, that I was the perfect girl for him in every way except that I hadnt always been. I retorted with "Look at me, I AM a girl", and he agreed, we started holding hands after that