I've posed this question in another forum so I thought I would bring it up here as well. 

Without delving too deep into the bedrooms of everyone here I am really curious of the couples that have survived and their marriages are still going strong or became stronger.

This is mainly for SO's of MTF's.  Are you still intimate with your spouse?  For those SO's that are still intimate and are not lesbian how do you find satisfaction from this? Does your spouse also still enjoy being intimate? 

And by intimate it could range from cuddling to full on sexual activities. 

I was having a debate with my ex and I said that there is no way there can be a mutually sexually satisfying same sex relationship when one of them is not attracted to the same sex. Now I know that sex is not the only component to a relationship but I just wonder is that something that you have sacrificed and don't mind not being fulfilled in that department (or never did for that matter) or if you found a way to make it work. 

I'm asking this because I know I am not even remotely interested in women, but I still love my ex, and I enjoy being sexually intimate - I would miss it if it were gone. I'm all sorts of mixed up in the head.

I don't think you can force yourself to desire or feel something that is not your natural inclination. Isn't that what got our SO's in this situation? My good friend's husband is also experimenting MTF, and they have lost all intimacy. She loves him for who he used to be, and hopes that one day she will fall in love with who he wants to be, but right now they are roommates. I also can not picture myself being romantically intimate with another woman, even if that other woman was once my husband. If anything, the pain of knowing who he was would be too great.

It's true that you can't force something that is not my natural inclination.  I still love my ex though we are not together and she does know this.  I wonder if I can sacrifice that aspect of my life and still be happy or find some alternative. 

Can we be a sexless couple and still be completely happy??? 

Quote from: Tiger_Lilly on July 14, 2014, 07:23:37 PM
Can we be a sexless couple and still be completely happy??? 

Possible if there are other means of expressing love for one another that are sufficiently fulfilling emotionally.  But I'm not thinking that it would be easy.

(Sorry for jumping on this thread...)

My husband offered up the strategy of staying together for every reason except the sex. He just doesn't think that if he's not a husband for me that he can help with the family until a "real" husband comes along to fit the bill. I didn't think that it was even remotely feasible.

Opening up the relationship just for sex didn't seem to be a reasonable option for me, but I can see how it might work for some folks. Myself, I have never had a high sex drive so a sexless marriage is the preferable option.

Once things change over to your partner being full time, will they want to be intimate, and how do they want to achieve this? You'll have to sit down and discuss the ramifications of what might be if you can't do it. You can love them to the moon and back, but you cannot force your body to respond. There also will have to be that nitty gritty convo about what she wants, what you want, and how will you satisfy both sets of wants. If you can.

Hope you figure things out Tiger Lily.

I am an MTF and have been married 32 years.  My wife and I have successfully made the transition to a different sort of intimacy.

I have always ensured my wife reached multiple orgasms either orally or manually.  Like many women, orgasms from penetration were very rare for her.  After erectile dysfunction became more common with me a frank discussion revealed that she didn't really enjoy penetration very much.  She has a bit of a "bum hip" and can find standard missionary sex a bit uncomfortable.

I have always been fascinated with the female body.  That's pretty natural because I really think that's what I should be walking around in.  Over the years I've become a pretty good lover.  I've always thought about what the woman must be experiencing instead of what I'm experiencing.

As far as my pleasure goes, I have very sensitive breasts.  My wife doesn't seem to mind playing with them and sucking on them.  Strangely, stimulation of my breasts gives me an erection, which is otherwise pretty rare.  Being accepted, indeed loved, despite the feminization of my body is a wonderful thing.

Maybe I'm just lucky because my my wife is so versatile.  It was a great revelation that neither of us really enjoyed plain old penis in vagina sex.  We were both doing it because we thought the other expected it.

Randi




 

My breasts are definitely connect to my part below as the least amount of nipple play will make me start to get wet down below and get my little thing to feel hard too.  I can understand how a ftm on hrt could get hard again with breast play/sucking.  The human body can do many seeming unusual things that can be nice for us in the end.  Randi, it is great you and your wife have found a way for you both to enjoy each other.

I responded here before, but I think it got wiped when the server goofed. Anyways, yeah I'm an SO to a mtf and tbh our sex life got a lot better after she came out. But our situation is a bit different. We have never had penetrative sex. We tried once and she basically had a melt down. She is just unable to use that part that way, which is totally cool with me. We've been a couple for ten years now, and I think the first 4ish were not sexual, but emotionally based. She has always identified as asexual, and so I left it at that until my sex drive peaked at around 21. That was around when we started experimenting sexually. I also think we were pretty screwed up from our upbringing and sex was just such taboo topic, it was weird to talk about at first. But as we gradually went out of our comfort zone, it has gotten a lot better. So when she finally did come out to me as trans, it explained so much! Since then, we've been able to discuss what is okay and what is not okay and I think our relationship is stronger and better than ever, emotionally and sexually. We are more of cuddlebugs to be honest, but sex is still something that we explore. So from my perspective, it is easily worked out with communication... though it probably helps that I'm not necessarily straight either. There is so much more to sex than just penis + vag penetration. There are a lot of toys out there and different ways to experiment. Though if you truly identify as a straight woman, this might be a harder situation, it might at least be worth trying... don't knock it till ya try it! Good luck, hun!

I think you hit on a very important point with communication that is very necessary to have a relationship.  You need to let your partner know what you like and don't like and and for your partner to feel free to do the same.