Curious if living with non binary trans* causes you issues at work.  My biggest one is the mental toll it takes on me, the distraction of being trans, and when exhausted I come to Susans to recharge but its during work time, which is not very smart.

Appearance wise I still blend, and with this forced business haircut I blend more.  Not comfortable with what happened to my physical head but I need to play this part a while more, until I can get my mind in place with the shrink next week.  Too destabilizing in relationships and probably at work for me to be authentic in presentation to reflect my true self.  Too much risk of persecution too.  Which is not right, and mostly one individual, though when I presented quite GQ last month all seemed well.  The wife has the most trouble with the presentations.

But on topic, does your trans-ness mess with your job and your work?  It sure does mine.

Not to mention the blood work and the shrink work resulting in long lunches, and the pain of being trans which also can interfere, which is much less now because of YOU and your kindhearted help and love.

Uncomfortable at the moment.  Dysphoric whiplash from the very nice vacation- from haircutting and being male more than being me, because of the fight or flight thing, and also just the environment which is male oriented and puts me in that place anyway via fluidity and out of necessity.

Things are a lot better though.

God bless, hugs to all, nails clear painted and growing back, who knows what happens to the hair and face next, and looking forward to letting my hair down (putting it on) soon to free up Satinjoy a bit more when I have that level of privacy needed to do it.  Poor wife can't handle that, can't see me in full transition.  Yet she bought me a skirt the other day.  Remarkable girl that one.  Her love and grace trumps her discomfort with my female components.

Hoping for good blood results, certainly feel and see the changes physically.

Love to all here.  Thought the topic could be of interest.

Oh, and I keep this job because it enables me to be genderqueer and to keep the medical support, shrink support,  and AA support going.  It makes it more important for it all to work, its like a net, one strand breaks and I could fall into the pond.  But that makes me more anxious about losing the job, a bit of a paradox and a concern.

Stay safe my dear ones... I am still having a rough time but hanging in there, pretty good for an mtf nonbinary transsexual to be able to say that.

It's the opposite for me.  Work messes with my transness.
Being in a conservative field, I've probably pushed about as far as I can without compromising my ability to keep my family fed.  I am a lot more touch feely these days in my interactions, but it seems to be well received.

Electro complete, shaped but not arched brows, low dose HRT.  I could probably get away with well cared for nails, and that's about it.  As far as disruption from the routine is concerned, I saw my GP yesterday, had my endo referral updated and other than an upcoming trip to the endo, I'm up to date.

I'm thankful to be done with the shrink for now - but I'll have hoops to jump through if I want to go any further.

SJ, you've been doing well in shifting your thoughts, work is just another bump and will only get to you if you allow it to.

Quote from: luna nyan on July 15, 2014, 10:26:19 PM

SJ, you've been doing well in shifting your thoughts, work is just another bump and will only get to you if you allow it to.

Do you have any idea how validating that comment is and what it means to me?

Many thanks dear.

I am so blessed to be part of this place.

Work is a place where fear and other emotions can really run amok.  Yeah, work interferes with my trans-ness too.  We have a long way to go to be really free without repercussions, I have to be satisfied with being able to at least be out as subdued genderqueer.  Sounds like we have very similar approaches.

Pragmatically, I am probably in a perfect position for what I need.  I just need to have the guts to stay with it and trust the outcome will go according to the Big Plan.

Blessings, love to all, lot of reads not many posts on this one, and it is so nice to see people are looking at the posts and hopefully enjoying them. 

Enjoy my friends... you are never alone here

SJ

Good question, but for me it is probably the case that being non binary messes with my life, work is just one component and an increasingly unimportant one at that.

I am realising that for most of my life, being non binary, the majority of my life and career choices caused me to seek validation or confirmation that I was a binary male, a successful alpha male whose secret, whose fear that they were a freak or some form of cosmic joke would pass undiscovered.

It would have been somewhat easier if I had fallen into a pink box, but that was no better fit than the blue box into which I was placed.

As I have begun to accept and to express my non binary nature there has been stress, disruption and less interest in success metrics centred on career, assets, sports etc  However following my realisation that I was non binary, there have also been unexpected and welcome benefits which far exceed the negatives.  I feel that rather than needing to be phlegmatic and distanced, adopting a command and control, highly analytic approach etc, that I can reject normative behavior and leverage a whole range of attributes which had been falsely gendered and therefore deemed unavailable to me.

As a result I have felt more connected, more expressive, more authentic and more able to craft an identity and expression which is truer to my core values and to my spirit.  I now feel whole and I sense the potential for untold richness and growth.

Yes, I still feel somewhat inhibited professionally from presenting as a male andro but I am progressing, testing the footing and making progress and each step seems massive and enriching.  What has been surprising is that colleagues and friends who I have come out to have been extremely accepting, supportive and, in the main, curious.  They seek to understand the years of pain that I have felt, but my mind and my language is now almost entirely forward looking and optimistic. 

So back to topic - non binary does impact my work life, it has and does provide limitations but it also provides unexpected opportunity.  Being non binary has impacted my life in general and will impact my life going forward - however I see its impact as moving from a negative force to a positive force.  Once I understood and accepted that I was non binary, my future was no longer captive to my past anguish and doubt.  I know that this amy sound trite, even corny, but I do feel blessed to find myself, to find Susans,  and to find each and every person I have met on my journey.  Taken together, they fill me with hope for myself, for other non binaries, for trans* folk in general and for society in its many shapes and hues. 

I feel that I am growing.  I am excited.  I am optimistic.  To you, my dear friend, I wish that also find that your dreams are realised.

Safe travels

Aisla

I don't like that I am confined to guy's dress shirts and dress pants at my current job. I try to look at it as a uniform where I get to choose the color, I've had a few work uniform's like that in the past...I actually have more leeway now, that shouldn't bother me, and yet it does...can I get away with a pink shirt? Or a purple one...I seem to be getting away with Calvin Klein slim fit dress pants...not sure how androgynous they are really, but I'm at least somewhat stylish, compared to the slobs most men I work with are.