Quote from: Paula Christine on July 17, 2014, 09:21:07 AM
I use a lot of metaphors.  so ...

If you hire a painter to paint your house brown and he begins to slap on red paint, do you let him finish or stop and get a different painter?

You said the salon kept giving you male styles to choose.. point and say "no, I want this one" or walk out. Doesn't matter if you're in the UK, US or USSR.. if you sat there and let them -give- you -their- choice then why are you complaining?  Why did you even pay the first place? (Non English speaking), why stay at the second one? 

You walked in wanting a Ferrari, and walked out with an Opel.

You don't have to tell them you are trans unless you want to, but tell them you want a specific cut, and hairdresser.  You are paying for it, not them.

Going overboard on the metaphors I think here. I got it a few posts back

Ok, there seems to be a crossed wire reading this last bit. The non-english speaker was at the old place, not the new one.

as much as I like the idea, scissors around they eye (and considering the big chuck near my eye was the first thing he cut, I didnt exactly have chance with that guy until after the first part (which is the worst bit for me, I always keep the sides long because my cheekbones are them only part of my face that looks masculine when cleanshaved) I said no but he didnt stop waving the scissors, and I wasnt prepared to look like a square had been cut off my head by this point and have to walk around for a day or two looking like an embarresment. Plus they woulda called the cops on me anyway. I made it clear I was unhappy, not even a sorry off the jerkasses there, so I dont care much at this point to deal with them. If that's how they handle business, they can just carry on and run themselves dry of business. I actually found out theres been reviews of the place quite recently with similar experiences.

The new place did give me a girly pixie cut after several times of insisting, but I'm just thinking for future reference, is it worth telling them so they don't do this every time I go in? Telling them I'm having changes might work. I also considered the other day of presenting female when I go in, if it will help at all. They were at least sympathetic.

Quote from: Lyric on July 17, 2014, 11:19:47 AM
Paula's line of simply saying "I am going thru a change, and I need a feminine cut" seems perfect. You don't have to go though a long history. The stylist just needs to know what kind of style you want.

The most important thing, I think, is shopping for a good stylist rather than a good salon. Most salons these days want to be able to just assign every walk-in with the next stylist available, but the unspoken secret is you don't have to go along with that. It's perfectly acceptable to ask for a particular stylist every time. I suggest that once you find a stylist you like, find out her/his hours & days and, if possible, even make appointments. If the stylist leaves the salon, follow her/him to the new salon. Do this and you'll never have this sort of problem again. Don't and you'll have to go through this every time you go in.

Used to have a good stylist at the old place, then she moved several cities away. Shame cause she always did exactly as asked.

yeah I use a lot of metaphors it's an occupational hazard when you're an instructor. . sorry.   

You could go in, dressed, to some level, maybe enough to avoid being read male, should make it easier to get the proper gender cut.. its good you got it across what you wanted. 
Again, sorry it happened in the the first place, and for the metaphors..  now its my turn to go get my color and cuts today!

I would present female either next time you go in or book the appointment. This way you can also gage there reaction to you and how comfortable you think you will be there. If not keep looking around because sadly as you have found out a good stylist is worth there weight in gold

And this, my friends, is why my wife cuts my hair, and has done so all but twice in the last 22 years.  She knows what to do.

I always wanted my hair long and never wanted to cut it when I was a kid.  My dad would give me sh*t every time it got dangerously into "Beatle" territory and my hand was always forced.  During my freshman year in college I finally could let it grow out a bit.  When it started to look a bit ratty, I went to get it cut, apparently didn't explain it well and ended up with a really sweet mullet.  I mean, it was the late '80s and every other dude had one, but still...

On my 20th birthday, my father told me that if I didn't get my hair cut, I would be disowned.  I got an extreme buzz cut that I hated with a passion.  I will never forget my dad's words- "Son, you look sharp!" UGH! 

A few months later, my parents moved across the country and I was able to let it grow again.  When I visited for Xmas, they demanded I get another haircut and commented on how much they hated me looking "like that". (Why were these frumpy people so obsessed with my looks?)  My parents told me that they weren't going to give me another penny until I cut it again.  I went to this place nearby and explained how I was trying to grow it out, and not to do anything drastic.  Guess what... another f***ing '80s minimullet.  *barf*  That was the last time for years that anyone cut my hair.  I'd trim off ends and that was about it.  I ended up growing it down to my waist. 

My point is this- hairdressers don't read minds and some like to get "creative".  If you don't give them a picture, you could be in for serious trouble.  It can take a year to undo the damage, so treat all unknown quantitites with extreme suspicion.

Quote from: Paula Christine on July 18, 2014, 12:41:29 PM
yeah I use a lot of metaphors it's an occupational hazard when you're an instructor. . sorry.   

You could go in, dressed, to some level, maybe enough to avoid being read male, should make it easier to get the proper gender cut.. its good you got it across what you wanted. 
Again, sorry it happened in the the first place, and for the metaphors..  now its my turn to go get my color and cuts today!

It's not a problem Hope yours goes well! Im just trying to use make up atm to soften my cheeks

Amanda always leaves me teary eyed.  She did my color, and, she talked me out of a pixie cut, and I thanked her for that. She gave me just a trim, which began to shape it the way I want to go.  She thinned, arched my brows a bit more.  All for $29.  She said I was her first trans client. She's super nice to me, talks and treats me like any cisfemale client.

Quote from: Paula Christine on July 18, 2014, 07:07:26 PM
Amanda always leaves me teary eyed.  She did my color, and, she talked me out of a pixie cut, and I thanked her for that. She gave me just a trim, which began to shape it the way I want to go.  She thinned, arched my brows a bit more.  All for $29.  She said I was her first trans client. She's super nice to me, talks and treats me like any cisfemale client.

I would kill for that.... Thats wonderful!

You'll find your own Amanda.  She treats me well, and I tip her well too.. I think.. if you find your own Amanda, and she cuts well, tip her well, she'll remember, and take good care of you too.

I am still a makeup virgin.. there is nothing I can do while at home, even ChapStick gets me a raised eyebrow from the wife (literally).. this is one thing I'm realky envious of you girls. 

My wife outed me to my daughter. My daughter was really upset (17 years old). I had let my hair grow for 17 or 18 months and it was just touching my shoulders when wet but the bottom of my collar when dry. My daughter and wife ganged up and I agreed to cutting 1.5 inches.

Truth is it needed a trim to even things out. I was not happy but to keep the peace I did it.

I chose a hair stylist in the gayborhood next to my therapists office. The stylist is gay as well as the other one in the shop and the hair washer. So I was thinking this is great. I get my hair washed and then sit in the chair. I had on a thin nylon shirt and levis 511 jeans and nice black Nikes. I was wearing a sports bra and it was noticeable a bit and a bit stood out at the top od the shirt. I though should I disclose??? I did not and asked for 1.5 inched removed. I said I did not have my hair cut in 17 months and I was growing it long but wanted 1.5 inches (showed with finger the amount).

His first cut was to lop off 3 to 4  inches from the back. My eyes opened up wide but it was done. I vowed never to go back.

Next time I am asking at group where they go!

I tell them straighht up make me as pretty as you can; I how them pics on my phone when Im at my best. They love a challenge and my woman now loves me but in the past when they smirked and or gave me crap I walk right out and take my money with me. 

Quote from: Paula Christine on July 18, 2014, 07:07:26 PM
Amanda always leaves me teary eyed.  She did my color, and, she talked me out of a pixie cut, and I thanked her for that. She gave me just a trim, which began to shape it the way I want to go.  She thinned, arched my brows a bit more.  All for $29.  She said I was her first trans client. She's super nice to me, talks and treats me like any cisfemale client.

What??? 29?? It costs me 80 to do my roots and get my ends trimmed.

You can sue, or just threaten to sue, the hairdresser. This happened with a friend of mine when the cut was drastically different from what was asked for. The haircut ended up being free, the suit dropped and the hairdresser was gone next visit.

It was important to me to find a hairdresser I could be up front with and transition with.  I asked around to my female friends to see if they had one who they suspected personality wise would be a good fit for me.  One promised me hers would be perfect, and with my permission, talked about me at her next appointment and asked the hairdresser if she would be comfortable with a client at the beginning of a transition.  She was, and at my first appointment she made me feel very comfortable.  The salon is a bit small, so without any prior discussion she managed to ask me my timeline and goals in a vague enough manner that no one else would get it and start to analyze me.  My next appointment is in a couple weeks and it is going to include eyebrows.  I don't plan on going to full time until about January, but this is going to be the appointment where I switch from asking for androgynous to asking for the feminine side of androgynous, so my trust in her is going to be put to the test.

I think it's totally worth the few awkward moments of mild embarrassment to just have it out there. I sought out a new hairdresser recently (after my previous one returned to Japan) and came right out with my intentions from the outset. We had a sit down consultation about how to best get my hair to my desired style. I answered her lingering questions about my transition, and now we just banter about whatever and I get offered female fashion mags to peruse instead of the dull as dirt male ones. I think it's just so much easier in the long run to be honest and upfront rather than trying to talk in circles around what you want. Of course, if you're worried about it getting back to people you're still in the closet to that's a different story...

I think it might be beneficial to tell them if you're comfortable- I tell people who do my hair, since I tend to go for more... alternative? Styles and I want to make absolutely sure nobody gives it a feminine spin. After my first bad experience during transition getting my hair cut (got an appointment as Alexander, went through the whole cut as normal, stylist holds a mirror up so I can see my hair and goes "there ya go, ma'am!"), I've just decided to either go full-disclosure or bring someone with me to make ABSOLUTELY SURE they know I'm a guy.