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Crying and Testosterone

Started by solexander, July 27, 2014, 02:17:38 PM

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solexander

Something really weird and really frustrating, actually, is that testosterone has made it pretty impossible for me to cry. I've heard this complaint from a bunch of trans men before, too- it just gets really really difficult, even if you want to. It's really convenient sometimes when I'm in public or something, because crying makes it harder for me to pass as male, but when I'm alone or with trusted people and something really really moves me, I feel like I've got like, emotional constipation (sorry for that visual, but it's the only thing I can think of to describe it as, haha). I've got pretty bad clinical depression, and a lot of the time, crying was a really good and necessary release, and now that I can't seem to it's getting hard not to fall back into harmful behaviors and vices for that release- self harm, etc. Sometimes it makes me really anxious. Anyone else have that experience? Been able to fix it or deal with it at all?





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peky

its a man thing, it comes with the territory.... and there would be more changes....
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SX0877

same here. i don't know if i have become a happy person so i don't need to cry or i have become even too depressed to cry
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FalseHybridPrincess

as a guy I  couldnt cry at all even when depressed, n0w its the easiest thing...

s0rry thats  h0w h0rm0nes w0rk  :-\
http://falsehybridprincess.tumblr.com/
Follow me and I ll do your dishes.

Also lets be friends on fb :D
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solexander

SX0877, I feel that so much. I feel a lot happier overall, but it almost makes it worse when I do want to just be sad and I have a hard time letting it out. It gets seriously frustrating and makes me feel really depressed and messed up.





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aross1015

I have a hard time crying too.  There have been instances where I've been able to cry though they are few and far between, but I don't cry at as many things or as long as I did before starting testosterone.  Now when I cry it's a few tears and that's about it, but before I would just keep crying and crying.  I find the times I cry more than a few tears are usually due to some emotional scene on a TV show or in a movie, something that I didn't even want to be crying about but there I am crying about it, because it effected me in some oddly emotional way.  More often then not when something IRL is effecting me and makes me want to cry and I feel like I am going to cry, it just never comes.  Like when you feel like you have to sneeze but it never happens.  What I usually find myself doing during times like those is venting on the internet on one of my blogs.  It does help to just be able to get out what is bothering me.
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SX0877

Yeah for me it is not only the crying, but the whole thing--feeling unable to experience strong emotions any more. I'm not sure if it is an actually effect of T, and thinking it is more about getting older and life stage transition.
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Arch

I get seriously dammed up in the same way. I didn't used to cry unless something catastrophic happened, but after I came out of the closet and started therapy and began to encounter huge amounts of transition-related stress in my life, I discovered crying as a way of relieving tension. Then I started T, and things began to change. I would be desperate to "get it all out," but I would not be able to.

Now I can still cry when something catastrophic happens, but who wants horrible things to happen just to instigate tears! The only other time I catch a break is in my therapist's office. I tend to let my guard down when I'm in there, and I talk about a lot of stuff that bothers me. So I sort of leak around the edges. But it's not the same as really letting go.

Rather than feeling less, though, I feel more than ever before. It's just that I have trouble expressing some emotions such as sadness or grief. Yet other emotions, such as anger and frustration, I have a hard time holding back. I'm not sure how much of this phenomenon is from the T and how much is from defrosting after years of being mostly dead inside.

One thing I've been able to do helps. I pretend that I'm talking to my therapist. Sometimes that doesn't get me much--it's like being IN his office and not emoting much--but sometimes, not often, I can use it to kickstart myself.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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thatboyfresh

I've noticed this change as well.  I still feel the same "welling up" but it's not as intense. I feel like I am more in control of it before it gets the the point where you actually have the tears coming. I was not much of a crier before T besides death in the family and such. But now it's as if I am more steely with out trying to be so ( Meaning I am not ashamed of crying or anything) it just doesn't come. It's like a tiny little beaver built dams in my tear ducts.
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violethaze

I'm terrible with emotions. It's like I don't feel things anymore, and on the odd occasions that I do (which usually involves positive feelings, as they're better at getting me to loosen up and actually feel things), I don't know how to handle them and lose my ->-bleeped-<-. But I don't think it's just hormonal. Socialization has probably made a bigger impact.
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Kyler

I thought I couldn't cry either but turns out I had to just feel as low as I possibly could for it to come out.
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Kreuzfidel

Same here.  I thought it was a myth, but when it happened to me I was pretty convinced it has something to do with the hormones. 

I can still cry - but not at the drop of a hat or even during funerals.  It's with random things like certain songs or movie scenes.  But it's rare.
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YinYanga


I'm sorry guys but balding and dry eyes come with the package  *comfy hug*

;)
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AJarrah

I can only cry if I just had my heart ripped out and spit on, or if something horrible happens. Even then it's a hit or miss if I'll cry or not. Before I used to cry all the time, just how it happens I guess. I understand the wanting to and can't thing, it pisses me off sometimes too.
Semper Fidelis



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rawshark

I've been waiting for the no crying thing.  I don't like crying, and I cry way too easily and it's embarrassing.  Like, at the drop of a hat.  Like if somebody mentions one of my favorite sports teams.

I'm only about 6 months in, so I'm still crossing my fingers.  But I don't know, all the men in my family cry really easily as well, so I'm not sure it's going to happen for me.
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awilliams1701

Interesting. It takes a lot to get me to cry yet I can feel the emotions. I wonder if when I start HRT crying will be easier.
Ashley
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rawshark

Update: just found out my Dad's friend's cat died.  Mind you, I met this cat one time, and I'm allergic to cats.  But here come the waterworks anyway.  T, when will you make me stop crying??!!
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YinYanga

Quote from: rawshark on July 28, 2014, 06:22:40 PM
Update: just found out my Dad's friend's cat died.  Mind you, I met this cat one time, and I'm allergic to cats.  But here come the waterworks anyway.  T, when will you make me stop crying??!!

Poor lil cat
*hands tissue*

Give it some time, it will probably improve ;)
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Felix

Since going on hormones I've had a hard time crying about my own problems, but I cry more easily than I used to in response to specific cues. Dramatic stories (in books, music, video, anything) bring tears at peaks or particularly sad parts even when I feel skeptical or don't like the characters involved. If I feel like I'm getting too bottled up I can sometimes use those patterns and my responses as a release. It isn't always satisfying.

For me it's been a good trade-off overall. I used to cry when I got frustrated or angry, and that was a huge problem. I love having the reverse - working to keep in touch with complex or strong emotions rather than fighting to minimize their effects.
everybody's house is haunted
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Arch

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on July 29, 2014, 02:44:36 AM
Next step of You guyse probably will be the ability to watch extremely violence on TV/movies like bloodshed (Game of Thrones, anyone?) and not having to turn Your face away...

I've never had a problem with this sort of thing, with one exception (spoiler alert on a thirty-year-old movie): the prod scene in the remake of Cat People. I saw the film again a little while ago and was still disturbed.

One thing seems to have subtly changed: I seem to be more interested in violence in the movies and more apt to find it funny. This could be a "natural" evolution on my part, but I wonder whether the T has anything to do with it.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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