Do you have a secret love? An unrequited crush? Nothing weird, creepy or stalkerish... just that whenever you see that person your heart melts but you also you know you can never, for whatever reason, be in a relationship with them?

I sure do, a woman I met about five years ago - she is smart, funny and so, so gorgeous. She's also hetro and married, so that's that!!

I find that since I've been on HRT my sexual feelings towards her have dropped away to nothing but the desire in my silly heart has grown stronger and even without the T in my system she has become even more beautiful to me. I have no intention of telling her, it would just make me feel silly and her awkward and I'd hate to ruin what we have in the way of friendship so she must forever remain my secret love!! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Sigh. I got it bad! 

Yeah this one guy in my science class. He is so attractive and smart but kind of cocky. I've never talked to him at all so I don't know if this is stalkerish, it's just a crush

I have a bunch of them

Aww, so sweet!

I do. He is tall, skinny with beautiful dark eyes and tanned skin. He was really nice anfd warm and was very interested in what I had to say, I have his facebook but haven't seen him in awhile so I don't want to come across as stalkerish but the truth is that I am one 

Yes. I always thought I was more lesbian oriented, but there is this guy I met in the area, straight, hetero and I do kind of melt when he is around. As I'm still presenting as male, he'll never know. (Sigh)

Ah, unrequited love. Thankfully, I am temporarily free.

Sometimes I wonder if there's any other kind. But there's so many beautiful people, taken by other beautiful people, it's so hard not to crush on some of them.

I have my SO whom I love to bits so I have blinkers on.

On the other hand, there are a few people of whom I am very fond.  They are the ones that had life taken a few different twists and turns, I could have had further relationships with.

The cis male live-in boyfriend of one of my cis female important clients.  I go to her house to give English lessons to her and her boyfriend, and <sigh> is he hot.

She is about 30 years old and he is about 34 years old or so.  She has huge breasts and she is hot too, but I feel strangely attracted to HIM maybe a little more.

Especially HER is a high-level position at the large co she works at.  He has a cute smile, nice face, and a great personality.  He works in a highly responsible professional position, too.

He would never be able to be my boyfriend, but I feel so strongly attracted to him.  They are a very happy couple.  So I think this exactly what you are asking in this thread.

Another reason he could never be my lovely boyfriend is because my beautiful 26 year old cis girlfriend told me she might be moving into my apt. in mid-August, which would be fantastic.  She is SO accepting of my developing breasts, and just LOVES that I now can emotionally understand her and other females at a deeply intuitive level which is thanks to the profound mental changes I have experienced since starting HRT 7 weeks ago.  Thank god for our beloved estrogen and progesterone!

If it sounds like I am bi, yes, I probably am.  I am probably bi as a male, and bi as a female.

SO, there, I said it.  You heard from the real me.



Hugs,
Johanna.

No, I've had my heart on lockdown for a few decades now.


But with that said, there are a few I've been attracted to, but its fleeting and I wouldn't allow myself to go beyond a quick thought over it.

I get these from time to time, but, thing is, I know they're not real. If I'm not already in a relationship with someone, whatever I feel is based on external stuff, whereas what matters in making a good match is how well we get along.

I find I need to date someone for quite a while before a true connection starts to blossom.

But if that flutter in your heart makes you feel good, who am I to knock it?

I have no idea as I can never tell if I feel that way about a person, not even sure how it feels.

That said my friend seems to think I have about three crushes, based on her own experiences and how I act when I talk about the said three, personally I don't think I talk about them any differently than when I talk about others'. XD

Well, I think I'm secretly in love with Ms Grace, melanie maritz, Stephaniec and a few hundred other wonderful humans on this forum but... oops. It's not a secret anymore. 

Years ago when I worked in office buildings I was always having crushes on the women who worked there. They were usually married and unavailable. One time I was talking to a the UPS guy in the mailroom when one of my crushes walked (to me she seemed to float) past the doorway. She was in her early 20s, very tall, thin and kind of geeky. I happened to say to the guy "I just love her". I miscalculated the range of my voice to the adjacent cubicles and word got around. It was a bit embarrassing. Sadly, she was engaged and married soon after.

~ Lyric ~

I have experienced a distinct change in my crushes as our Ms Grace detailed.  Being in transition and on HRT my T driven sex drive is finally calm and it is much easier to understand the difference between lust and love.  I once lived in near constant lust in our world full of beautiful people.  I also understand that many of my former crushes on women were more about wanting to be them and feel so femininely sensuous.  Now i feel a greater capacity to feel romantic love and ability to differentiate that from just being gd horny.  Significant changes in intimacy with a more stereotypically slow warm up is another reward.

I do my best not to have secrets anymore and Grace's diplomatic recognition of keeping a good friendship is more good advice.

His name is Darrel.  I've known him for about 5 years.  He is one of the best pool players I know.  He also has a huge crush on me.  Of course, I'm married to my Beloved Cookie, and Cookie is aware that Darrel and I have the hots for each other.  This does not concern her.  I do not have infidelity in my heart, and I never have.  Also Darrel has no idea that I once experienced gender transition.  There's just no telling how he would take that bit of trivia about my past.

Darrel is slightly overweight, boyishly handsome with a round, lovely face and short blonde hair.  He is extremely kind and thoughtful.  And he is deadly with a pool cue; actually, he's a grand master.  I've seen him tear up many excellent pool players, and I even saw him trounce a professional pool player once.

A lot of the male master pool players have been taking notice of me lately because my game is becoming extremely good.  Last night I played a match against some very good players, and I won every game I played.  Afterward Darrel was pushing me hard to ditch my current Scotch Doubles partner and team up with him for the championships this October.  As much as I would love to do that, I do feel obligated to my current partner.

Perhaps Darrel and I will team up to smoke the competition at the 8 ball championships next spring.   

I admit to having some romantic feelings towards an ex girlfriend of mine......I already dated her twice (both times as male). She does know that I am transitioning and is fine with it, and even wants me to hang out with her sometime. I just don't know though, I mean there were reasons why we split. She seems much more mature now, but I feel I am in too vulnerable of a position to get involved with her, but I can't stop my feelings. I also don't know that she would see me for the woman I am, not the person she used to know whom she thought was a man.

Unlike Grace, it seems my sexual attraction has increased on HRT, not in general, but to those people I really like. That and butterflies, ugh why do I get those when I talk to her? I used to be so calm and cool about things, I am a mess lol.

Quote from: Hikari on August 01, 2014, 02:11:38 PM
I admit to having some romantic feelings towards an ex girlfriend of mine......I already dated her twice (both times as male). She does know that I am transitioning and is fine with it, and even wants me to hang out with her sometime. I just don't know though, I mean there were reasons why we split. She seems much more mature now, but I feel I am in too vulnerable of a position to get involved with her, but I can't stop my feelings. I also don't know that she would see me for the woman I am, not the person she used to know whom she thought was a man.

Unlike Grace, it seems my sexual attraction has increased on HRT, not in general, but to those people I really like. That and butterflies, ugh why do I get those when I talk to her? I used to be so calm and cool about things, I am a mess lol.

Hikari, You probably have more emotional reactions due to your female intuitive self shining through now, girl.

Your Tanner 4 almost Tanner 5 I STILL consider amazing.  I don't know if I will reach THAT level, but things sure are off to a great start for me!.

I am so very happy, Hikari, that my beautiful cis gf accepts my developing breasts and nail polish and everything.  She has already seen me dressed in a push-up bra and full female dress, and still says she likely wants to move in with me about mid-August.

But the live-in boyfriend of my important female client that I mentioned above in this thread, he is off-limits because he is "taken" by my female client, and also because I want to be totally loyal to my cis g/f who seems about to move-in with me.

Johanna.

Fortunately I'm not crushing on her in that self destructive "why can't I be with her??" kind of way. I did that when I was a lot younger... there were a few young women I did crush on and it was not healthy at all. I wouldn't say they were fashion model attractive, in many ways they were ordinary women, very down to earth but there was something I found devastatingly gorgeous about them and I wanted to be with them forever. What a 'romantic'!

The first time was around 1984 and, although the term wasn't much in use then, my behaviour was rather stalkerish I'm ashamed to say. Luckily I was able to pull back before I did anything stupid (as opposed to creepy) and slap myself around the face a few times and admit I just needed to accept we wouldn't be together. The second time, about 1988, I became so depressed at my unrequited love for a fellow uni student I was seriously considering killing myself. I didn't (obviously!!), but it again required some serious talking to myself to get over her.

Ever since I've kind of had the unfortunate (sad? pathetic? defeatist?) attitude that I will never have a relationship with a woman I feel strongly attracted to - it was the only way I could head off what seemed like inevitable obsession and/or disappointment. The few times I have been in relationships, they have been with women I didn't fancy all that much for their looks but I did feel love them and I got along with them, so that's been my baseline for a relationship ever since. Probably why I haven't been in a relationship in about ten years!

Anyway, with this woman I'm crushing on at the moment, I'm just admitting it's a silly, pointless infatuation and can laugh about it. I don't feel obsessed by her and I'm not trying to invent reasons to be in her space or her face. I certainly appreciate (worship??) every minute I do spend in her company though. Gosh, she's gorgeous.

Call it a fondness, enjoy her company, and think no more of it. 

Relationships are complicated funny things...

Because I'm a wee bit self-conscious, I feel I have to start by saying that I've been in an amazingly happy relationship for four years with a truly beautiful soul. I wasn't somebody that really believed joyful and resilient love would be possible for me but I'm happy to be proven wrong every single day. On top of that I was shocked to find out that it is possible for somebody to simply be incomparable, I used to think it was just a hackneyed romantic comment. I would never ever even consider disloyalty to her and would only ever accept the possibility of other partners if we somehow decided our mutual happiness would be served by things evolving in the direction of polyamory. Anyhoo, sorry if any of that made you roll your eyes.

Now I've written an anxious disclaimer I can say that I still obviously experience attraction to people and have a teeny tiny (well, small... Okay, quite large) unrequited crush on a friend of mine. He's witty, intimidatingly intelligent, vibrant, adorably shy, endlessly creative, and an astoundingly kind person that seems to live for making a difference to other people, whether that's via the job he's chosen or the way he uses his private time to guide people. Having gone through transition himself he often seems to be a rock to others. Physically he's stunning too, with wild hair, dazzling blue eyes, and amazing bone structure.

I think that there are several people here at Susan's that, given different circumstances I could really fall for, but I'm pretty well involved with a wonderful lady these last 45 years, so I don't entertain any silly ideas beyond a few little flirts with some of my favorite sisters here.