my experience with an unaccepting and verbally and emotionally abusive mother, is that it helps me to tell her that i have just the same right to an opinion as her, and how she makes me feel when she uses offensive or abusive language. expressing it in words rather than tears or a fit makes me feel a whole lot better. i no longer let her cut me off or tell me my own meanings and feelings are less valid than hers.
what i've realized when it comes to my mom, is that her empathetic disability (she doesn't abuse on purpose, just never learned to give others any space at all) stems from her own unresolved issues, and an emotional immaturity of hers. she's mostly like an overgrown teenager, and when she acts that way, i treat her like that. i won't treat her as a mother or give her the same respect as i would a mother, if she doesn't act like one. she is responsible for her own words and actions, so i hold her responsible for it rather than let her make me feel guilty for not living up to her childish view of the perfect family.
i'll admit it can still be exhausting, but changing my way of handling the situation has made life much easier for me. and more difficult for her, but that won't change unless she changes, and it's not my fault in any way. parents should expect their children to be themselves, not perfect.
will get really fun if i can get access to medical transition... i haven't started that process yet, but i believe i'll have to work by the same principles. i have a right to be me, my mother has no right to try and stop me unless what i'm doing is actually harmful to myself or others. transitioning isn't, so trying to stop it would be overstepping way too many boundaries, and ignoring one's responsibility as a parent. (i do have a right to think this way about parenting, i'm a parent myself, as well as a child of parents.)