You aren't just "better off" with a good therapist over a bad one, but bad therapists are bad for you, and perhaps even dangerous. Never ever stay with a bad therapist. Run don't walk.

Second question (okay i didn't answer the first ) but I don't know what to say re: asexuality on T. I have changed orientation in my transition. I was asexual but I have had sex and even liked it (sounds like that song "I kissed a girl and liked it"). So there are all degrees and so on of asexual. I know an asexual guy who has not changed at all on T. But I got a lot more like I have attraction (which is what asexual really means-- no attraction). Your asexuality either could be you have no libido so that's why it's distasteful. Can't say, perhaps your libido goes up and it becomes less distasteful. If you have more attraction it might help your reaction, but it sounds more than that.  If you do take T it's something to think about since there is no way to change what is going on. There is absolutely no way to influence how it effects you. YOu could, of course, do low dose for awhile. My libido was still low on low dose, when my dose doubled was when it was high.

BTW, I think that if you stop being asexual your sexual orientation changes. Sexual orientation can change with transition. It doesn't always and sometimes what sounds like sexual orientation is just "relabeling". So if you are defined as a lesbian, you remain attracted to girls, but you would be defined by society as straight.



--Jay

Several people have replied already, but I thought I'd add my experiences as well.

I'm an aromantic asexual, and also sex repulsed. Probably not quite as sex repulsed as you are, but fairly close. I have an extremely low sex drive, pretty much completely ignorable all the time. I've been on a low dose of T for 2.5 months, and that hasn't changed much. For the first month, my sex drive lowered even further (which frankly, I didn't even think was possible), but it returned to normal shortly thereafter.

I've always been sex repulsed (although I'm a little bit less so now, since I played a game that had several sex scenes, and though they were uncomfortable, I got some exposure to the content and desensitized myself to it a bit; I still find it gross, but it's more tolerable), but had the ability to be turned on by things on a basically random basis, meaning that sometimes my body would react to something and other times not, and there seemed to be no particular reasoning behind the things that affected it. My mental reaction to the occurrence was always indifference. It was something of an annoying incongruence but it went away if I stopped thinking about it. That first month on T, however, it happened less, and my mental reaction was disgust. Still, it went away if I stopped thinking about it.

I can say my sex drive now is almost imperceptibly more than it was pre-T, but my mental reaction has returned to normal. My body is slightly more likely to react than before, but it still does so on a random basis and it still makes basically no difference to me. I'm still an aromantic asexual and am sex repulsed.

tl;dr - In the long run, your sex drive may be raised, but it might not mentally effect you at all. It's certainly something I was a little bit concerned about before starting T, but now I don't consider it to be much of an issue.

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual ftm.  I've been considering when to start T.  I'm not worried about not being asexual since it won't change my sexual attraction.  I know it could increase my sex drive but I've thought about it and I decided that, given the advantages of T, if that happens then I will be okay with it; it would only be a slight inconvenience to me.  I think its good to consider the possible side effects and what you'd be comfortable with. 

I would also like to just say that there are actually good therapists/counselors/psychologists out there.  I've found two who really support both me being asexual and trans.  Finding them involved moving so it can be hard to find them.  Don't stay with a bad psychologist but also don't give up hope of being able to find one who will support you later in life.

I also used to be massively needle phobic.  Don't worry, it is something that you can work past if you want to use that method for T.  However, you also have other options too.  Good luck. 

Quote from: Amathy on August 03, 2014, 08:50:08 PM
I'm a sex-repulsed asexual ftm.  I've been considering when to start T.  I'm not worried about not being asexual since it won't change my sexual attraction.  I know it could increase my sex drive but I've thought about it and I decided that, given the advantages of T, if that happens then I will be okay with it; it would only be a slight inconvenience to me.  I think its good to consider the possible side effects and what you'd be comfortable with. 

Not sure transition absolutely won't change sexual attraction. Kind of what I have been saying. I am not saying this is typical, but that it can happen.

--Jay

Thanks everyone for your answers and wishing me luck and everything, I honestly didn't expect you all to be so willing to help! Especially thanks to the asexual guys who've shared their experiences, most gave me hope, but also I feel now more mentally prepared, well not prepared but at least I have now a better understanding of what may happen.

I don't care much about sexual orientation, I am aromantic, and I hope I stay that way for the rest of my life, but if I were to have one when on T, I wouldn't mind either way, straight, gay, bi... it doesn't matter, all sexual orientations are equally unappealing to me.

QuoteI'm curious, what would happen if you stopped being asexual?

Well, I have strong feelings about this. It's not indifference, like some have said. When I think of sex, especially me having sex or anything the like, I feel repulsion; I am certain I'd hate myself to no end if I ever had sex with someone or masturbated or whatever. I don't know why, I've never been abused or anything, and although I have some religious beliefs, it's not due to any religious reason either. I have my own way, my own philosophy and beliefs, and sex is simply something impure, primitive, disgusting and unnecessary and I regard myself as above such things. So I don't exactly know how to answer this question, I don't know what would happen but if the worst case scenario does occur then I think I'll probably try to counteract it, taking anti-depressants or lowering my T dose or even stopping after a while. It's not like I have much of a choice, being dead is no worse than being dead inside. In any case, I'm willing to take the risk,

I also think I shouldn't stay with a bad psychologist but I have to, because as I said it's a "program" and I have to follow it. But when I see her again, I'll try to remain calm and to try and empathize with her, maybe educate her a bit if the opportunity arises (she's a gender specialist but not even they know much about other things like asexuality/demisexuality/pansexuality or non-binary genders or polyamory etc.). But I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her, I doubt I can trust therapists at all, but if I have to confide in someone then my current therapist is definitely not the best candidate.

Thanks again, everyone. I'll keep you updated! Btw just one question; I wouldn't ask but I'm a little worried. If the blood test I took days ago stated that I had cancer or some other dangerous illness, the doctors would call me before the appointment as it's in September, almost 2 months after, right? I mean, they wouldn't want to waste time if I were dying, right? I'm just being paranoid, I know, but I keep thinking that I may have a serious illness and no one will call me to warn me or anything and as a result the illness may not be curable by the time they do.

I would guess unless you have a different medical experience than I have had that the blood tests (except fro T levels) are something you already have had. They are normal sorts of tests like blood count and cholesterol. Not anything very exotic. So if you have been okay up to now...

I may have actually gone from asexual to grey-a. It's more I have attraction but I think it may be more I like how people look and think they look sexy or good, but doesn't mean necessarily I want to go to bed with them. So not sure if someone usually changes. I'm autistic so some of my feelings may be that I dislike sexual contact for autistic reasons.

--Jay

I'm "gray asexual," meaning that I feel no sexual attraction where anyone other than my partner is concerned. He's it for me. I have never been sexually interested in anyone else, even people I had romantic feelings for. That didn't change after starting testosterone. My libido did increase, but that was more likely a result of feeling better about myself. Like Aleon, I'm also on the autism spectrum, so it's possible my orientation is related.

Quote from: Declan. on August 05, 2014, 07:38:45 PM
I'm "gray asexual," meaning that I feel no sexual attraction where anyone other than my partner is concerned. He's it for me. I have never been sexually interested in anyone else, even people I had romantic feelings for. That didn't change after starting testosterone. My libido did increase, but that was more likely a result of feeling better about myself. Like Aleon, I'm also on the autism spectrum, so it's possible my orientation is related.

Yes, there is something re: autism spectrum and asexuality. (And I believe trans guys and autism spectrum). When I solve this all, I'll let everybody know.

--Jay

Quote from: Arch on August 02, 2014, 08:15:01 PM
I don't like the sound of this therapist, but maybe he can educate her. On the other hand, if she's a gender specialist, then why should he be the one educating her? He might as well start out with someone new! (Okay, that might be more work, but no therapist should behave the way he says she's behaving.)

I never tried Prozac, but I did try Paxil, another SSRI. My sex drive stayed the same, but I couldn't achieve orgasm to save my life. Nearly drove me mad, and this was back when my libido wasn't much to write home about.

I definitely meant throwing bad therapists by the wayside as part of getting to a point of trust with a therapist. I should have said that.

Quote from: aleon515 on August 05, 2014, 10:36:10 PM
Yes, there is something re: autism spectrum and asexuality. (And I believe trans guys and autism spectrum). When I solve this all, I'll let everybody know.

--Jay

I know a few asexual autistics, but none of them are FTM or MTF. I'm an autistic FTM, but not asexual, though I can't imagine having sex with anyone but my ex partner, so you may be on to something here.

Wait, I have an autistic-related condition too (SPD). And I do think there are a few other autistic, asexual FTM's out there. I've in fact met several, although they weren't FTM, but agender/genderqueer. Not sure if any of this is related though.

I've read of a link between FTMs and autism, but I don't know anything about sexuality in that mix.

It could be that whatever hormone imbalance messed up our bodies in utero (as in, didn't masculinize them properly) also caused brain issues (as in autism). Or if you prefer to look at it another way, the cause of our brain's male identification may have caused some of our brains to be different in other ways.

There's a somewhat high correlation between asexuality and autism from what I understand. (And perhaps autism and transgender, esp FTM). But it might be a bit off topic.

--Jay

One advantage of the American "system" of paying out of pocket: You can pretty much see anyone you like. The power of the almighty dollar. Being part of a regimented system obviously has advantages and disadvantages.

Manny, I do think that all of these issues must be discussed with your team of doctors and specialists. In the meantime, do make sure that you have indeed exhausted all of your options.

When do you hear about the blood work and all of that?

Quote from: aleon515 on August 09, 2014, 01:59:30 PM
There's a somewhat high correlation between asexuality and autism from what I understand. (And perhaps autism and transgender, esp FTM). But it might be a bit off topic.

--Jay

I read an academic journal article that suggested that 3% of transsexuals were on the autism spectrum.  I think it is less than 1% of the U.S. population that is on the spectrum. 

Of course, I don't know where the article is (sorry for those who may have been interested).