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Are you able to go out with other trans or are you stuck alone or with non-t

Started by stephaniec, August 09, 2014, 07:23:20 PM

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Sarah leah

Sadly none at all in my town, although I just move a few months ago into a bigger country town in South Australia. So perhaps I might meet someone to chat with but I doubt it as this area is full of bigots.

When I was in Adelaide in late July seeing Dr Lyons I got chatting to a really attractive girl in her early twenties. She was very funny and must have noticed that I was looking mildly scared in the waiting room, so she came and sat with me. We chatted about social issues, how cold it was and I explained I was reading a book on gender and sexuality in todays society she then said "She was transgendered."  I kind of guessed on a subconscious level given she to was talking to the staff about Dr Lyons. Although on the surface it really was not something I was thinking about at the time. I was going to get her email but I was to shy. Although there is a conference in a few month in the city I want to go to so who knows.

The only concern I have is I might get seen as a creepy ->-bleeped-<- as I do not look feminie at all and could not go as myself given how I present. Still It would be nice to meet other people and get a chance to just chat.


A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting
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suzifrommd

I have very few trans friends IRL. The ones that I've had are either too busy, not especially interested in me, or not especially interesting to be around.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Shantel

Kira & Evelyn, I relate to what both of you have said as I've been friends with and frankly overwhelmed by two drama queens in the past who are gone now thankfully. However I have met up with a few gals from Susan's who are nice and seem to have their heads screwed on properly.
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Kimberley Beauregard

I attend Chameleons meetings in Leicester and Nottingham.  When you first meet someone, trans/crossdressing stuff is the icebreaker but we often branch out into different topics.  In that sense, it's like any other social occasion.

Outside of meetings, I'd like a regular group of friends (trans, cis, whatever) I socialise with often either as James ir Kimberley.  I'm not making a point to find such a group until I move to Nottingham.
- Kim
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Shantel

Quote from: peky on August 10, 2014, 09:57:58 AM
I went out with two member of Susan's. We (three of us) visited a museum once, and the second time we (the two of us) took a tour around the big city, they were both lovely experiences.

All of my friends are heterosexual (to the best of my knowledge) so called cis-folks. I would not mind having a transsexual friend nearby.

I purposely avoid places where LGBT folks tend to hang out as I deem those places inherently dangerous.

I think they can be potentially dangerous, no doubt someone here will dispute that comment, but then not everyone here is as cognizant as you and I are about such things. I used to frequent a GLBT friendly bar following trans support meetings, it had a great dance floor and sound system and all the patrons were a friendly and colorful lot. I was accosted by a violent panhandler outside in the dark which left me with uneasy feelings about the place. Since then a few folks have been viciously attacked by skinheads and some Muslim man set a gasoline fire inside the place hoping to rid the world of GLBT folks for Allah. So though I enjoyed my times there I don't intend to return even though these are probably isolated instances.
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herekitten

My socializing with other tgirls comes and goes for me. Depending on the person and if we have things in common. It does not bother me if they 'pass', are stealth, or whatever. There are periods when I socialize with only not-t because that's how it happens to be.  I simply enjoy interesting people and enjoy listening to everyone's life stories. I even socialized with one in spirit - haha. In middle school, high school and college I had numerous tgirl friends. Some of the cis-girls would skip school with us too; but in particular we all enjoyed the company of Mercedes -- she was cis, she was very tall, had the body of a goddess and loved to show it off -- and we would catch her ricochets. My best friend growing up was transsexual and she lived one street over. We both knew we were 'not right in that area' because of both our sisters (we both had large families). Even before I was born there was another tgirl in my neighborhood. My mom told me about Bobbie who lived across the street from our house and how Bobbie loved to wear bobby-socks (it was the early 50's). My mother told me she was a girl with my physical situation. Bobbie was one of my mom's best friend and planted a Jacaranda tree in my mom's backyard. I never knew Bobbie, but I loved that tree because I could envision her in those trademark bobby socks planting it. Bobby passed from an untimely death many years before I was born, but after learning of her story and tree, I would fertilize it and take care of it. When the University bought out the entire neighborhood and turned the area into parking lots, they saved certain trees. Among those was Bobbie's Jacaranda tree. If only she could see it now. It drapes itself in gorgeous purple grape clustered flowers and they perfume that entire area of the university grounds.

I do not know where you are located, but if you ever want to just talk, feel free to reach out to me.
It is the lives we encounter that make life worth living. - Guy De Maupassant
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Blue Senpai

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monica93304

My hangout is a little dive bar that is very open socially.  So, it's not a big deal when I show up. Usually many people (straight/gay) all come up to say hi on my way to the pool table.  Sometimes I will get some static from ignorant guys, but that's their problem.

I don't make it a point to hang out with trans women or cross dressing ladies.  I try to be as stealth as possible. If I bump into them I'm cordial and say hi in passing.  Some of them are performers at the gay bar down the street, so when they do show up it's obvious that they are in drag because of how over the top their make up and attire is.  I don't want to get clocked if I can avoid it, just because I don't want any dumb questions. But it is what it is.

I'm surprised at how many transitioning folks there are in my town. Both mtf, and ftm.  That's encouraging though.  I've had a couple of younger trans women in the last year come to me for advice on transitioning.  Very humbling.  I've been praised by some leaders locally in the LGBT movement for being out there and representing trans folks in the way I have.  I have a local friend that is looking at running for Mayor of this town (highly Republican). He's a university professor here. I told him that if he decides to run, that I would volunteer my help. He said that he would hire me if he does run. 

Just to add to that, I think activism is naturally in my future.  Better late than never.

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barbie

Yes. I once used to go out with heels and skirt alone, then later with my cis-friends. Yes. Being with friends is far better, especially for avoiding any harassment.

Nowadays, I do not have such an issue of 'going out', as I always wear skirt and feminine sandals, with my toenails painted. At local restaurants, some workers there know that I am a dad, as I sometimes visit there with my wife and kids. Others do not know, and I do not care about it.

barbie~~
Just do it.
  • skype:barbie?call
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stephaniec

Quote from: herekitten on August 10, 2014, 11:05:28 AM
My socializing with other tgirls comes and goes for me. Depending on the person and if we have things in common. It does not bother me if they 'pass', are stealth, or whatever. There are periods when I socialize with only not-t because that's how it happens to be.  I simply enjoy interesting people and enjoy listening to everyone's life stories. I even socialized with one in spirit - haha. In middle school, high school and college I had numerous tgirl friends. Some of the cis-girls would skip school with us too; but in particular we all enjoyed the company of Mercedes -- she was cis, she was very tall, had the body of a goddess and loved to show it off -- and we would catch her ricochets. My best friend growing up was transsexual and she lived one street over. We both knew we were 'not right in that area' because of both our sisters (we both had large families). Even before I was born there was another tgirl in my neighborhood. My mom told me about Bobbie who lived across the street from our house and how Bobbie loved to wear bobby-socks (it was the early 50's). My mother told me she was a girl with my physical situation. Bobbie was one of my mom's best friend and planted a Jacaranda tree in my mom's backyard. I never knew Bobbie, but I loved that tree because I could envision her in those trademark bobby socks planting it. Bobby passed from an untimely death many years before I was born, but after learning of her story and tree, I would fertilize it and take care of it. When the University bought out the entire neighborhood and turned the area into parking lots, they saved certain trees. Among those was Bobbie's Jacaranda tree. If only she could see it now. It drapes itself in gorgeous purple grape clustered flowers and they perfume that entire area of the university grounds.

I do not know where you are located, but if you ever want to just talk, feel free to reach out to me.
that's a beautiful story about bobbie.
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RosieD

Quote from: nikkit72 on August 10, 2014, 05:22:11 AM
However, every now and again I catch up with Rosie (H,H,H Honeypot on susans) for a coffee and a bit of cake and attempt too put the world to rights.

Oh now you've gone and done it.  That's shredded whatever scraps credibility I had left. ;-).

As Nikki says, we go out for cake and coffee now and then.  What she hasn't mentioned is my reliance on her knowledge of cars to stop my poor old workhorse from seizing up for which I am grateful.  I have had some tea and cake with someone else I met through Susan's but we had little in common so it was a one off.

Whilst I can rub along well enough with most people the shared experience of dysphoria and the lack of the need to explain 'things' means I value Nikki and my trips to the various cafes in the area.  Don't tell her mind- it'll go straight to her head.

Rosie
Well that was fun! What's next?
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nikkit72

Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on August 10, 2014, 01:11:25 PM
Oh now you've gone and done it.  That's shredded whatever scraps credibility I had left. ;-).

;D

Glad I could be of service.
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Naturally Blonde

I don't understand why the thread poster seems to think we all only want to hang around with other trans folk. I don't have that many friends but the friends I see and meet up with on a regular basis are non-T. I don't seem to get on with other T's and I much prefer non my T friends.

Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Rose City Rose

Most of my friends are gay/bi men.  And the ones who didn't give me grief about transitioning have remained good friends, even if I had to end a number of "friends with benefits" arrangements.  :(
*Started HRT January 2013
*Name and gender marker changed September 2014
*Approved and issued letters for surgery September 2015
*Surgery Consultation November 2015
*Preop electrolysis October 2016-March 2019
*GRS April 3 2019
I DID IT!!!
[/color]
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janetcgtv

It is always best to have friends if they are GLBT or non. Keep the ones who treat you well. The ones who don't , then those can be on Pluto as far as you should care. In non GLBT friends if you haven't communicated with them lately. Then are they really friends? If you have communicated lately, then test them somehow and then respond what is best for yourself.

Me: I don't go to my high school reunion(graduated in 1961) as most of the people that I knew have passed on. And I have no desire to see the survivors.
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stephaniec

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 10, 2014, 05:11:10 PM
I don't understand why the thread poster seems to think we all only want to hang around with other trans folk. I don't have that many friends but the friends I see and meet up with on a regular basis are non-T. I don't seem to get on with other T's and I much prefer non my T friends.
The poster I think was just curious to the extent of interaction with other trans not any mandatory sense of obligation to do so
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Michelle G

I've heard Sacramento has an active trans group and I've thought of wandering down there someday to say hello.

This small country town in the hills I'm in isn't really the best place in the world to be "different", different can mean being a non tea party member, black, brown or Asian :(

Kinda why I like running over to San Francisco for the day to shop or just wander around.
Just a "California Girl" trying to enjoy each sunny day
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Shantel

Quote from: Michelle G on August 10, 2014, 06:56:22 PM
I've heard Sacramento has an active trans group and I've thought of wandering down there someday to say hello.

This small country town in the hills I'm in isn't really the best place in the world to be "different", different can mean being a non tea party member, black, brown or Asian :(

Kinda why I like running over to San Francisco for the day to shop or just wander around.

Small towns are nice, but not the place to be different as everyone will know your personal business in short order!
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Michelle G

Isn't that the truth!

I've seen what some of the locals like to do to harass some folks,

granted it's not all bad here though and there are enough Bay Area transplants to add some acceptance and friendliness
Just a "California Girl" trying to enjoy each sunny day
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Suziack

Quote from: Kira Phoenix on August 09, 2014, 11:34:59 PM
Hmm...I'm not sure how to say this without offending some here, so I'll just say it.

I used to hang out with trans people all the time. But in my experience...I have found them to be a bit too....crazy? I don't know, I just find it to be frustrating to find another transgender person to have a straight head on their shoulders. I used to have an MTF girlfriend but she went all crazy on me and left me...I've also had a few trans friends who continued to complain about things without feeling the need to do anything to help themselves. I've got few friends in life, and much fewer trans friends whom I will really hang out with. I've seen so much judgement without our own community which is rather ironic considering. As a result, I have been resigned to pretty much sitting on the sidelines.

Quality over Quantity has always (and always will be) way more important!
If you torture the truth long enough, it'll confess to anything.
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