I just wanted to reply to all the people that got hurt, mad or offended by my post. I am very new to this topic and from what I was taught from our society and media was all I knew but now I know much more and, with your help I found out the information I know about transgenders was very wrong. My apologies and thank you for your support. ONCE AGAIN SORRY.
I also want to say thank you to Emmaline for her support and understanding; and everyone who gave me advive and helped me.

And sorry from the community for there over reaching comments.

We are here to offer support and compassion to everyone.

With that said you have nothing to be sorry for and please accept our apologies.

Hope you will stay around.
 
Isabell

It's not your fault you were misinformed by society. There are many misconceptions about transgender people but now you know more about it which is great. I hope your first experience here doesn't deter you away. I'm sure now you see why you got some negative responses but let's move on from that.

If you are worried about 'putting your foot in it' Emma, I am happy to chat using the private messaging system here.

Emma,

I'm glad you've come back and replied.  I haven't seen a post stimulate such vitriol in a while, whilst also bringing out the best from some of our other members.

Very glad to hear that your horizons have been opened.  All too often we base our judgements on incomplete information, and are the poorer for it.  Plenty of information here if you really want to know about trans issues.

But I think what's more important is that you and your husband spend some time communicating.  He's bared a part of himself to you and probably feels very vulnerable for it.  Sort the fantasy from reality, and what might even possibly lead to some interesting times...

I hope you guys sort it out, otherwise, there's always counselling.

I think it's a amazing gift for you to come back and apologised and now you are armed with new info about trans woman and a better understanding. I hope you and your partner can work threw your problems togeather as a team. And I hope you come back seeking advise xx

I'm just glad your back hon. You did not offend me in the least little bit. Stick around, feel free to PM some of us if you have specific questions.

emmaghev, I am glad we didn't scare you away. No need to apologize to me, I've heard it all and I know there is not a whole lot of information out there on us. We are willing to help you as much as we possibly can. Just ask Hon.

  I hope you will stay and spend time with this group, I'm still new too, and these are the nicest most understanding people I've ever met..! There is so much to learn and understand about the trans community, and this is a very good place to do that.. Hopes to see you often...! 

Quote from: emmaghev on August 21, 2014, 08:39:33 PM
I just wanted to reply to all the people that got hurt, mad or offended by my post. I am very new to this topic and from what I was taught from our society and media was all I knew but now I know much more and, with your help I found out the information I know about transgenders was very wrong. My apologies and thank you for your support. ONCE AGAIN SORRY.
I also want to say thank you to Emmaline for her support and understanding; and everyone who gave me advive and helped me.

Most of my personal frustration was due to other members being condescending, which is already happening in this thread as well, so I'm going to bow out after this post. I did want to thank you for coming back to apologize. I'm glad you have a better understanding of who transgender people are and hope you can share that knowledge with your husband. If he does turn out to be bisexual or curious, remember that his sexuality is not a threat to you. I would recommend pursuing marital counseling to help you communicate your needs to one another in a productive manner. Marital counseling is an excellent way to sort through complicated situations and isn't reserved for couples who are having trouble.

This is what bugs me the most about this community. The op's original thread brought up some realities that I think our community has big issues with. Let's face it, we are what we are and all the wishful thinking in the world isn't gonna change that and neither is attacking well meaning people. I deal with those realities on a daily basis and don't choose to pretend they aren't there.

As for the op's problem with her hubby...  Its tough, but you need to talk further with him to find out just what he wants or if he would ever desire it enough to follow through. It could just be a fantasy thing that would go away if actually faced with fulfilling it. Otherwise, you could try some of the suggestions about toys and such. At least he has talked to you about it rather than hiding it like many men do.

Quote from: emmaghev on August 21, 2014, 08:39:33 PM
I just wanted to reply to all the people that got hurt, mad or offended by my post. I am very new to this topic and from what I was taught from our society and media was all I knew but now I know much more and, with your help I found out the information I know about transgenders was very wrong. My apologies and thank you for your support. ONCE AGAIN SORRY.
I also want to say thank you to Emmaline for her support and understanding; and everyone who gave me advive and helped me.

You'll find we really are nice people and do care about others, I am sorry you had to see the ugly side to this community (Everything has a light/dark/beautiful/ugly side though) but I hope you'll stick around long enough to get to know and see the beautiful side to this community too. Just for future reference, I would highly recommend doing a search on a topic you think you know and are going to a site based around that topic just to avoid the unfortunate mishap that might happen from not knowing. Is it your fault society which I often HATE taught you wrong? No. Did you say you were sorry? Yes. Just next time it's always a good idea to do that search and even then, just do like you did, apologize ahead of time if by any chance you were misinformed one way or the other. Me? I thought your post could be triggering to others, would totally make us mad but, at the bottom you said you didn't know and apologized ahead of time, thus I could tell you meant nothing by it. Now, even then you might have gotten some hostility but not directed toward you, by that I mean you might have seen the person mad, upset, stressed, because they were triggered by your post and having those symptoms at the time but they might not have meant any of that toward you specifically. Please don't forget that sometimes we do that without meaning to, it isn't that we are attacking you or anyone or being mean. It's just, being trans is SUPER stressful and we get triggered by even the littlest of things. I know you came here for advice, the BEST advice I can give you is see a therapist/councilor who specializes in his fetish and if one doesn't exist and even then, I recommend finding one who specializes in GID/Gender Dysphoria. (Those are both the same thing btw, only the Gender Dysphoria one has a different wording which is more true for how us trans are) Btw, I believe you unlock the PM system once you reach 15 posts. Also, welcome to Susan's, a bit late but better late than never.

Emma, I a glad you returned.

I was thinking about your situation today.

Why do you think you husband discussed this fantasy with you?
Why did he suggest a threesome when you expressed his fantasy was not what you want?
Why is he ashamed?
Do you think he is board?
Do you think he is has had past experience with males?
Do you think he will stop his fantasy or will it progress?

Perhaps it took him a while to tell you but now he is gaining confidence in what he wants. So address your concerns with a professional. Repressing his desired may increase his feelings of resentment and hiding and guilt.

I told my wife I am trans after 20 years of marriage (we have 1 daughter age 16 at the time). I still can not tell my wife the things I have done (which I find normal) but she will see me differently. I love my wife and on occasion have sex with her for her. I have no desire what so ever. I could never tell her. I crave the contact and feeling but not the act (for the positive there is a huge price to pay). I see myself as a female when we have sex and fantasize I am with a guy.  I have always seen myself as female and with a guy when with a guy, girl or self. The reason I say this is many times only the tip of the issue surfaces. Get help Hun and use protection. 20% of gay males and 33% of trans* girls have HIV. A therapist experienced in sex and trans issues may help the two of you fully expose and address the issue. You may agree to a new norm but that may be expanded in the future. If you are vanilla be comfortable being yourself but if there is room to expand be brave and protected.

Welcome back emmaghev
I'm hoping we can help you work this out. Sorry for my brevity, I'm on the road right now but I hope I can revisit this in more detail in a couple of days, but I suspect the others here will have helped you sort it all out by then;)
(((hugs)))
-ellie

your very welcomed here

Emma you are so okay, I wish peace and serenity to you and your spouse.  Thanks for your understanding, I hope our community can continue to provide you support.

i'm glad you came back, emma. it means a lot to many people here, to see that someone is brave enough to come back, and understanding enough to offer apologies.

i hope private messages can be read, even if you can't send them yet?

Quote from: Taka on August 25, 2014, 02:46:49 AM
i hope private messages can be read, even if you can't send them yet?

They can be read from day one.


You are welcome here, Emma. I'm glad you weren't scared off.