I had dinner with a very friendly lady from my church. After dinner she gave me a bunch of clothes that her sister had grown to heavy for. Her sister used to be tall and thin and she thought I'd like them. She offered to hem them for me so they fit well. There were some really nice skirts so I accepted them.

While she was hemming, she took it upon herself to give me a few "tips". She understood that she learned the sort of things that made her look good as she was growing up with her girlfriends. She knew I never had anything like that, so she thought she'd give me a few suggestions:
* My neck is not attractive. I should probably wear a scarf.
* My knees also are not sightly, and I'm probably better off with longer skirts. (I tend to wear about an inch or two above the knee).
* I need a better variety of shoes.
* My face would be better framed if the hair on my wig were feathered somewhat. She offered to style my wig for me.

I thanked her for thinking of me, but I just couldn't see myself taking any of her advice. I felt bad about that, because I really think she was trying to do me a favor. But I wasn't about to let her (or anyone else) anywhere near my wig. And shoes, well I have a lot of trouble finding stuff that's comfortable. The Bluefish Sperrys that I wear with skirts aren't glamorous or strappy, but they don't dig into my feet at any point, are amazingly comfortable, and support my arches. And I simply am not going to cover up my knees, my neck, or any other part of me because the world doesn't feel like looking at it. I believe my body is beautiful and it's my opinion that counts.

She was very gracious (but also a bit tenacious). She was concerned that I wasn't putting my "best foot forward."

So now I'm conflicted. I'm afraid I've become one of those women that other women laugh at because they don't realize how silly they look.

"WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

"You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

"But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

"But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple."

- Jenny Joseph

One of the poems my mum loves; you made me think a bit of it. It really depends on your priorities, you know? Are you trying to blend in, to "put your best foot forward" or are you trying to do whatever pleases yourself? Most of us generally end up finding some kind of balance between the two that we can live with.

I have a style that is distinctly my own, but I'm also choosing colours that flatter my skin tone, cuts that work with my body shape... Yellow, orange and red make my skin look awful, while blacks and dark blues and greys are wonderful on me. I know that wearing a deep collar without a necklace makes me look pallid and washed out, and that low round necks are never going to work for me because I have nil cleavage. I can't wear skinny jeans without calf-high boots to cut up my legs or I look like I'm on stilts. Makeup that highlights my eyes is far more effective than highlighting my lips.

There is unquestionably a skill to "looking good" in terms of what our culture deems pleasing. And depending on your goals it can be a useful one to learn.

However, I suspect that that lady would think I wasn't "putting my best food forward" either. Many ladies seem desperate to get me in a dress and a load of makeup. On the other hand, the ladies I like are more interested in getting me out of my clothes all together... So it does depend on things like target audience (yourself, your friends and family, co-workers, potential romances, etc.) and what you are comfortable with.

We're all self conscious of how we look, and how others will see us..
But there's no happiness in letting those thoughts make us who we are..

Wear whatever, and be what ever makes you feel happy inside, when youre happy inside, you'll give off a glow in whatever you wear, and that's what true beauty really is.. 

Quote from: suzifrommd on August 26, 2014, 08:03:56 PM
So now I'm conflicted. I'm afraid I've become one of those women that other women laugh at because they don't realize how silly they look.

I remember your comments in the "What does it feel like to be beautiful?" thread.

And you fired several points.

That said, if you know you are beautiful, why does her opinion matter to you?

The best advice I ever received was: Listen to it all graciously, consider the bits, use what you can and disregard the rest.


There is no need for guilt. If your clothing choices fit and are comfortable for you, then you are good. As long as it is appropriate wear for the time or task, you are good.