Quote from: Gina Taylor on August 16, 2014, 04:30:05 AM
I spoke with my therapist yesterday about what he meant, and he told me that if my dad where to pass on, he'd be passing the torch onto me and I'd have to be the man of the house, even though I am a woman.

Your Therapist doesn't even see you as a woman Gina! Please wake up!! You would have to be the "man" of the house? No Therapist in their right mind with your well being in mind would have said this. I have no idea why you stand by this person and defend him. The fact you are over 18 and he is sharing information of your sessions with your family is yet another issue. It is a blatant violation of HEPA laws and unethical. I will refrain from posting in this topic again as I am getting a little frustrated in you allowing yourself to be so used thus locking you into this circle of despair. I wish you the best and hope one day you have the fortitude to say enough! I matter and deserve happiness and quality care. 

i think i understand a little better now, gina. if your therapist is good and you trust him, keep using him. it's your own choice whom you want to talk to about all your problems. but do consider finding a gender therapist as well, as soon as you can afford that, since it doesn't seem like your therapist really understands trans* issues.

i'm still wondering though, whether you dress up like a man in front of your father out of respect for him, or so you won't upset your mother even more. if your father didn't even yell insults at you, i don't really understand how you can show more or less respect by how you dress. or rather, i'd have thought that you'd be showing him more respect by giving him your true self to relate to instead of just faking it.

I don't know if I can add anything to this thread at this point.  I think a lot of people here have said some very sensible things.

But I will say that it's my position that no cisgender person ever has a right to demand or even ask a transperson to delay their transition when they know they need to go ahead with it.  No cisgender person is in a position to judge what transitioning means to a transperson.  Cispeople have no idea what it is to be trans.  They have no right to judge us.  They have no idea how deep in us the need to transition is.

Some people call us "selfish".  Basically they're saying that their needs outweigh ours.  But as I've said, they cannot measure our needs.  Therefore, they cannot say that their needs outweigh ours.

Quote from: Taka on August 19, 2014, 01:47:24 AM
i think i understand a little better now, gina. if your therapist is good and you trust him, keep using him. it's your own choice whom you want to talk to about all your problems. but do consider finding a gender therapist as well, as soon as you can afford that, since it doesn't seem like your therapist really understands trans* issues.

Thanks for understanding my situation. I do feel comfortable speaking with my therapist about everything and most times it does concern my transsexual problems. I guess there is some difference between a mental health therapist and a gender therapist, and if I ever see one I'll understand the difference between the two.

I'm still wondering though, whether you dress up like a man in front of your father out of respect for him, or so you won't upset your mother even more. if your father didn't even yell insults at you, I don't really understand how you can show more or less respect by how you dress. or rather, I'd have thought that you'd be showing him more respect by giving him your true self to relate to instead of just faking it.

Because of the dementia problems that my father is going through, right now I am only dressing as a man out of respect for him, other than that I dress as a woman else where.  My mother cannot control me forever! The respect is actually shown by causing less confusion to my father. He's already messed up , and I don't need to be adding any more to his confusion. Like one day seeing him as his son and then seeing him as his daughter. It's either one or the other, and unfortunately my mother isn't quite ready to give up on her son and accept me as her daughter. I once read that when we transition it's like we're dying.

i can't really understand those who feel like their child is dying. i believe it's more like all their aspirations on their child's behalf are dying.
but the feeling of something dying might be the same anyway.
i'll never know, because i'm perfectly fine with my daughter being half boy as well. it's still the same child, equally adorable to me.

i'm glad to know that you've thought through your decisions to this extent. i was a little worried you might be doing things for the wrong reasons, but those you give me now seem sound to me. go on doing what you think is best, whatever the result may be, at least you know that you did what you wanted to do, and for reasons that are good to you. i might very well have made the same kind of decision.

Quote from: Gina Taylor on September 02, 2014, 11:45:55 AM

I once read that when we transition it's like we're dying.

Does this sound like emotional blackmail?

Quote from: Foxglove on September 02, 2014, 12:51:43 PM
Does this sound like emotional blackmail?

Not really. The old us does die and like the mythical phoenix we are reborn out of the ashes to who we should have been.

I would like to know where you read that Gina. But Hon, don't worry about it. But with any change we make it is like our old self is dying to be reborn as someone else. Does that make sense? It's not like real death but a psychological death or a metaphorical death. That is what it sounds like the author might have meant to me just from what you wrote.

It is respectful what you are doing for your father. Dementia sux, I know. My dad too. But your mother has no control over you. You are in charge of your own destiny and if she gets to the point of being ridiculous about it, you have family here. And we are here for you no matter what, even if you want to wear a pink dress and sport a ZZ Top beard. Which I think would be cool as all get out but I hate facial hair. I hate the smell, the way it tickles my nose and messes up my makeup. Plus I got a girly chin and definitely don't want to hide that.

Quote from: Jess42 on September 02, 2014, 02:04:31 PM
Not really. The old us does die and like the mythical phoenix we are reborn out of the ashes to who we should have been.

I would like to know where you read that Gina. I found it in Matt Kailey's book "Just Add Hormones" on page 105 where it said: One of the things that transpeople often fail to realize and fail to deal with is that  a transition, for many of those on the outside looking in, is almost like a death. A loved one is dying and friends and family members are helpless to do anything but stand by and watch. Those closest to us sometimes actually go through the five stages: DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION and ACCEPTANCE. I really liked your thoughts on the matter as well. I really appreciate your acceptance of my thoughts and decisions. I'm just trying to do what is best for me and for my life as a woman   

But Hon, don't worry about it. But with any change we make it is like our old self is dying to be reborn as someone else. Does that make sense? It's not like real death but a psychological death or a metaphorical death. That is what it sounds like the author might have meant to me just from what you wrote.

It is respectful what you are doing for your father. Dementia sux, I know. My dad too. But your mother has no control over you. You are in charge of your own destiny and if she gets to the point of being ridiculous about it, you have family here. And we are here for you no matter what, even if you want to wear a pink dress and sport a ZZ Top beard. Which I think would be cool as all get out but I hate facial hair. I hate the smell, the way it tickles my nose and messes up my makeup. Plus I got a girly chin and definitely don't want to hide that.

OK, that makes a lot more sense with the whole excerpt.

You just have to do what you feel is best. I mean we really all do. If you feel it's best presenting as male for your dad to keep him from getting confused then by all means. The clothes don't make the woman or the man. That is pretty much on the inside. Like I said I know what you are  going through with the dementia deal and I may end up having to be a caretaker before too much longer myself. But I'm not right anyway and if I did act normal I think it would mess my father up even more.

still, presenting male and answering to your male name, doesn't hinder you from being as loving and caring as any daughter.
you can still be you even if your presentation is a little bit off.
that's what i do in order to get by while i still can't figure out how to transition in an affordable way.