Well this pretty much it.  Ive spent virtually every day by myself with no one to talk to for months.  I'm tired of being alone everyday.  The girl I was seeing and planning on moving in with left me tonight, because I couldn't get into detox yesterday.     I tried to get into detox yesterday and they told me I wasn't bad enough.   I'm really sick of reaching out for help and being turned away by friends family and now detox I really need.  My life has just become unbelievably miserable.  I'm at a point now where I just care if the coke kills me anymore.  No idy will help me.   I'm sick of being looked at like a freak by everyone and being viewed as less than human.   What is the point of being my true self if I am trading one hell for another.

I'm just so beyond caring anymore.  My drug addiction isn't even that bad yet and I hoped to deal with it before it did.  Now I just feellike it isn't even worth caring.

I'm here Sophie.

I'm not much and can't help a lot, but I'm here

Cindy

Yeah I'm just frustrated.   Been addicted to coke for two months.  Overall this hasn't effected my job family or relationships.  So nobody is pushing me to to get off it.  But I wanted to do it for myself before it was a problem.  While I have zero personal interest in getting high, I've just been trying to stave off the withdrawal so I can do a detox and ride out the withdrawal without risk of relapse or having to deal with anything else.   

But asking for help doesn't.mean you will actually get it. And the detox saying that I need mental inpatient instead makes.me believe they turned.me.down for being trans.

Having never done drugs (or alcohol) I have no idea if 2 months is enough to have major withdrawal symptoms, although I'm surprised a detox facility would turn someone down for their status. Can your therapist provide a list of alternative detox clinics / wellness places which can help? Sometimes new age / bhuddist centers can help. Some won't ram their philosophy down your throat but could help to find a way to balance yourself.

I dont know much but i know lonely. Be happy with you, only you can take care of you. Being trans is hard and yes it will cost lots as most ppl are jerks. That said i care and pm me ill give u my phone you can call vent bitch brag or whatever. Id not let u be alone and all i can offer.

The sooner you can get off it the better. I'm sorry that you can't get the help you need, are there any other avenues?

Hello Sophie..
I hope you can get detox soon, and whatever help you need to get clean.. A best friend in UK was an addict, and I remember staying online with her for 2-3 days while she was coming down, its total hell, pain and misery.. She's clean now, has a good life, and is a different person..
You can also join NA(narcotics anonymous), they are a lot of help..!
Good luck.. Please ask if I can be of more help..

I think it's great that you realise it could be a problem in the future . My advise when your feeling down as I know you are don't turn to the drug as it does not care about you . try and get outside or do something that you enjoy etc. one of my masking agents of not accepting who I am back then was smoking weed it became something that I had to do before I did anything. once I accepted my self for who I am I said no more to the drugs got back into my skating surfing shopping. The first 2 weeks are the hardest but after that is easier as the weeks go by. I wish you all the best an I hope you can find your positive mojo. As you can see every one here cares for your health and happiness xx

Yeah, it is a mixed up messed up world. Unfortunately cocaine is extremely addictive. One thing you have going for you is that you may be able to beat it on your own is 2 months is not all that long for the body to build up an extreme dependency on the drug. You have to want to get off of it. And I mean it is all gonna be on you. It is like any other drug, prescription or not so much prescription. Ween yourself off of it. Like I said it is something that you are going to have to be committed to. Take it down a notch every time. Use less and less, the key is to slowly let the body adjust.

2 mos. isn't that long but it all depends on the amount that you have done in those 8 weeks. I believe you can kick it but it will take commitment and a desire by you to really want to get off of it.

As for the detox center turning you away, call your local health department and file a complaint with them. Yeah you may not be as bad as some but it is not very hard with narcotics for it to get really bad really fast and they never should have turned you away.

I don't know where you live but, if there is an Aspirus clinic near you, they can do out patient methadone shots and monitor your de tox. Maybe worth your time to call different clinics and see what can be done as an outpatient. Many ER's can refer you to one.

Quitting cocaine was one of the hardest things I ever did.  I probably sniffed up half of Peru in the late '80s.  One day I looked in the mirror and said, "Enough!"  I looked halfway dead and felt I was about to finish the job.  I quit cold turkey that day.  There really wasn't that much of a physical withdrawal, but psychologically it was really tough for about two weeks.  I wanted to chew my lip off for the first few days, but it got better.

Keeping your mind otherwise occupied is one thing you can do.  Watch movies, read books, pick up a guitar.
Whenever I felt like a pick-me-up, I'd hit the caffeine.
When the urge strikes, go for a walk or a run or take a long, hot shower.
If your body wants to sleep, sleep.
Drinking too much alcohol WILL lead to a relapse.
Stay away from the people who go along with the blow and situations that lead to getting high.

I'm sorry I can't do more for you, but this is how I got off of it 25 years ago.

Wow, that is absolutely ridiculous that this detox place wont admit you because they don't think you're addiction is "bad enough".  That's like telling a borderline obese person they can't get help dieting until their too heavy to walk.  I agree with finding other resources and filing a complaint.  Nobody with an addiction should ever be turned away from getting help.

I don't know if there's much more advice I can give you that hasn't already been said, but I applaud you for having the presence of mind to know that this addiction is not healthy for you and has to stop.  As someone who has been around people struggling with drug addiction most of my life, I can tell you most people just get swept away by it and don't do anything about it until it becomes such a huge problem they no longer have a choice... if ever.  But you are making the choice now to stop it before it gets too out of hand, and that says a lot. 

Isolation doesn't help either.  That I can tell you from personal experience.  The more we isolate the more depressed we become and the more we may turn to an addictive behavior for comfort, and it's just not good for our mental health to deny ourselves contact with other people.  I spent several years pretty much in total isolation relying on pot and video games to get me through the days.  It's not a good place to be, and it's especially hard when it seems like nobody wants to give you the time of day.  But don't stop trying.  You will find people who care and are willing to support you.  Like us - we care about you and we are here to support you.  Don't feel shy about sharing your struggles here. 

I know what it's like when it seems like no matter how much you try to reach out, you just keep finding rejection and getting turned away.  It's very frustrating and despairing and can make it feel like nobody cares, but that's when it's time to take up arms and fight for yourself no matter what anyone else does or says.  Have love and compassion for yourself and don't give up.  You absolutely have the strength to nip this in the butt now.  You deserve to do it for you.

I wish you good luck, friend.  You're on the right track and that's something to be proud of yourself for.  Take care of yourself and stay strong.  You will get through this.  If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm just a PM away.