The cis women I have known who have had an interest in trans men are femmes who are interested in dating stone male- identified butches and FTMs.  My experience is that they treat both identities as real men.  It doesn't seem to be a fetish to me when it comes to this group.  You can find these women in the "queer" community.

I'm not a woman, but I'm in the camp of if I like you I like you, trans or not.  I didnt' think I would ever be interested in dating a trans man; as a gay man I like penises and thought that my partner would have to have a standard issue one.  I'm glad to say that I was wrong.

So, what I'm trying to say is that  I'd bet the vast majority of women haven't ever even thought of dating a trans guy, but I'd also think that some of them will be fine with it if they like you.  For many, they might not be able to get past the non-standard issue equipment factor.

But heck, do you want to be in a relationship for someone who doesn't love all of you, just as you are?

FTR I have been in a gay relationship with a cis-man, and while he thought he'd never date a trans guy, he liked me enough to consider it a non-issue.  We broke up for other reasons.


Jay

Quote from: birkin on September 03, 2014, 08:36:02 AM
Yeah, thee are women who actually prefer trans men but I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. Why would I want someone to be into me on the basis of something I never wanted for myself, and a body part that makes me uncomfortable?

That said, there are women who like men, period, not caring if they are cis or trans. That's my ideal partner.

Agreed. I suspect that women who prefer trans men may be basing that preference on stereotypes that we're more senistive or in-tune with women, when in truth trans men can range from being very sensitive to completely insensitive just as cis men can. And even though I can understand that having a period is painful, that's not exactly something to base a long-term relationship on. 

Yes I actually know a  couple. I think there is a status of being "queer" where gender is very loose. I am not uncomfortable with it, but it might be who I know like that. They seem to be allies and so forth. I think the couple people would maybe identify as bi, though I don't know haven't had that conversation. I also know women who ended up with trans men after identifying their whole lives as lesbian, who end up to be exceptionally supportive partners.

--Jay

I still believe confidence and personality are absolutely key here, just like they are for cis guys.

Yes, women usually like penises, but out of everything that attracts to them to a guy, the penis itself is probably pretty low on the list. Most women are attracted to personality traits, the way a guy relates to them and makes them feel (this can differ widely, of course, from the women who like a guy that makes them feel like trash to the women who truly like the guys who make them feel like princesses), and a variety of physical qualities (big blue eyes or a nice smile or a strong upper body or, for some but probably not most, the size of the penis).

Overall, I'd venture to guess that the average woman would rather date a self-assured, sexy, dominant trans guy than an insecure, awkward, submissive cis guy. If you truly and unequivocally view yourself as a man and act like one, chances are that she'll see you the same way.

I haven't tried this myself yet (because I am not far enough into transition), but when I start consistently being read as male and when I have a prosthetic or strap-on to use for sex, I'm just not going to make a big deal of it. I'll probably end up saying something like, "Well, I was born without a penis, but I have an awesome replacement that'll blow your mind if you give me a chance. Couldn't hurt to try, right? Or could it?"

Haha, and if she wants to try, then great. If not, whatever. It'll be her loss. And in my experience so far, that's exactly the kind of attitude that any guy needs; a man that is confident enough to not care if he loses you and is more than ready to move on to his next conquest if you turn him down.

there are women who never preferred trans men, but then happen to fall for a man who's trans. it could even happen before he's gotten very far with transition. personality does matter, and not all women are very strictly straight (in the sense that they can only be sexually attracted to a man with a manly amount of t in his system, as well as a full set of functional genitals).

but there are also people like me, who are attracted to the queer. not that i prefer it, but i certainly am attracted to that kind of aspect as well.

Well, giving the fact that I'm trans may make me bias in this topic, but as someone who identifies as a straight woman, I have been attracted to some transmen.  Just like all men that are out there, trans guys can be handsome and have great personalities.  While I would have some concerns about physical intimacy, I doubt that would be deal breaker in the end if I really liked someone.  Honestly, though, I don't prefer transguys.  If anything, I feel two trans people in a relationship might make things a bit more complicated, but I don't think I would turn down someone that I liked just because they were a transman.  Being cis or trans doesn't matter; it's the person that does.  So don't feel like being a transguy makes you unattractive or unapealing to women out there.   While it may limit your dating pool to a degree, it doesn't eliminate it.  And yeah, I'm biased as a transwoman, but I hope my input helped a bit. 

I prefer to associate with people who have given conscious thought to gender expression and identity. So in a way, I prefer trans, genderqueer, and non-binary people. I find understanding of these issues intellectually interesting and it leads to a better connection.

Granted, I don't identify as a woman much anymore.

I've also noticed that there are some lesbians who are open to dating transguys. Though that might be more because they met pre-transition, or because the dating pool is small and women often are more "allowed" to have flexible sexuality in our society.

Everyone, I was scared to even post this question but I am SO glad I did. All of your posts have been so helpful and has helped me to see the wonderful support of this site. Thank you all so much. I'm new to the realization that I'm trans and this discussion has helped tremendously! I still have so much to process about myself and my situation :-)