There's a whole binder subforum within the FTM Transsexual Talk section of this forum. Lots of different threads of information there.
Personally, I have liked my underworks ultimate chest binder a lot, but haven't tried any others.
With regard to coming out, you don't really have to. I just told everyone it was a compression top for exercising/an extended sports bra. Also half the people in my family don't even notice when I wear it around them.