So I've identified as trans and as non binary, and I don't really know where I fit in or what to call it. I feel like I'm trans, but not. I know I would rather be called 'he' and go by a male name. I know I'd like top surgery when time and money allow; I don't like having breasts. I don't like having curves overall; I wish I had a masculine torso with some muscle. And my voice. Don't get me started, I hate how high it is. Truly I feel like more of a guy.

But it gets confusing. I don't want T, ever, I think. I like having soft skin(which I've heard is something T can mess with) and I don't even like the idea of facial hair. I would definitely shave it, but why even have it in the first place, eh? And as for hair, I kind of like wearing it long(but also in short buzz cuts, oddly) and I even like doing my nails. I never wear jewelry but unisex earrings but I would miss my nail polish if I had to go 'stealth'. And bottom surgery, I would love a hysterectomy but as I'm asexual the rest is not of interest.

So, is anyone else like this? Am I trans? Am I non-binary?

You sounds a lot like me. Aimed for the top surgery and now currently stuck in limbo.

Trans(gender) is an umbrella term meaning many different gender noncomforming identities/ways of being. So that it is *completely* possible to not want T, surgery or anything else and be trans. You can even be FTM (just means you are identifying more on the masculine side). Does not mean any kind of physical change has to take place. Be who you are, and don't let someone tell you how to be.

(Though you might like the non-binary forum. I think they recently changed the name and I don't know if that's the way it was changed. NOt trying to get rid of you or anything. Obviously you are welcome here.)

--Jay

Consider worrying less about how to label yourself right now, and more about figuring out what you need, and how to get it. Some surgeons will perform chest masculinization for folks who identify as non-binary, some without a therapist letter. You have options regarding putting on muscle and altering your voice. Vocal training and exercises, as well as a proper diet and weight lifting regime will have some effect, albeit not as much as they would in combination with testosterone.

Not all men (trans and cis) are wild about having facial hair. Some guys take excellent care of their skin, like having long hair, wearing nail polish, what have you. These things have nothing to do with being a man or not, despite what some social/cultural memes would suggest.

I can relate.  I've been in gender label limbo for a long time now.  I've finally decided to find a counselor who has a lot of experience helping people figure out their gender identity.  I think that'll be a good place to start.

I mostly lean towards male, but there are times when I feel female and appreciate my body the way it is.  It can be so confusing.

QuoteI mostly lean towards male, but there are times when I feel female and appreciate my body the way it is.  It can be so confusing.

This is me. I normally don't have much disphoria if I don't dwell on it and keep my mind busy. I would just be much happier with a different body. The thing that bothers me is that not one person on this earth looks at me and sees a guy.

Alexthecat: I feel for you, dude.

Jay: Thanks, it sounds from that like I am trans of some nature.

Blink: I'll try working more on my body and voice. Sadly, I think I'm built too womanly, especially my face/jaw shape and I don't think you can really change that even with T.

Same here.  I wish I was seen as male most of the time, but could still present as female on occasion, maybe just in private with a partner or some close friends.  I guess that means transitioning socially but probably not medically, or identifying as gender fluid.

Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 06, 2014, 07:53:11 PM
Same here.  I wish I was seen as male most of the time, but could still present as female on occasion, maybe just in private with a partner or some close friends.  I guess that means transitioning socially but probably not medically, or identifying as gender fluid.

Again that's kind of my thinking. But transition socially is hard when you're not medically altered because people still see a woman. I think it comes down to where you live and how open people are.

I definitely identify as both.

I also want top surgery & to still have chances to have long hair and do things like paint my nails. I'm even interested in doing drag performance (presenting female).

Unlike you, I think I'd like to have the opportunity to have facial hair, and would want to be on T.

Note that not all people who are on T grow a lot of facial hair. I know some cis-guys that just don't grow it. And if you take good care of your skin and keep your face clean-shaven (or waxed or something less abrasive? idk anything about smoothing your face)... well you might be able to use T to change your voice and such and still keep the softer things that you like about your appearance.

Granted, you'd have to talk to a therapist and/or endocrinologist to get more info on that obviously. But it is different for everyone.

Just like our identities.

I wish there was a Gender Identity Retreat Center where anyone could go for a weekend to try on different gender identities for size.  Or, even better, a whole town.  The social pressure to have a consistent gender identity is stressful.  I'd like to try living as male, and non-binary, and see how I actually like it.

Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 06, 2014, 08:26:04 PM
I wish there was a Gender Identity Retreat Center where anyone could go for a weekend to try on different gender identities for size.  Or, even better, a whole town.  The social pressure to have a consistent gender identity is stressful.  I'd like to try living as male, and non-binary, and see how I actually like it.

Identities or expressions? Sounds more like you're talking about expression.

There are several transgender conferences all over the country where you can go for a weekend and just be yourself/yourselves. They usually cost like $200-$400 to attend, though. Some encourage experimentation with gender expressions. Some require that you either present male or female at any given time, but allow you to "switch" as many times as you want during the conference.

Me, I just play dress-up in my room and end up with mascara all over my face

I think I'd have a good amount of facial hair on T. The men in my family have no trouble growing beards and mustaches. And I don't willingly present as female, but of course I do. Really I see myself as a mildly girly guy and the world sees a very boyish girl.

PS those conferences sound really great

Quote from: Antagonist on September 07, 2014, 01:41:56 PM
I don't willingly present as female, but of course I do. Really I see myself as a mildly girly guy and the world sees a very boyish girl.

Nailed it.

Pianoforte,do have a link or name to look for one of those conferences?

I know what you mean.

I would decribe myself non-binary but to be honest I feel I fall in somehow between the binary and non-binary. in many ways im rather binary, im on homones, I had top surgery, and live as male and use male pronome, yet I dont really want to care too much about passing and being steryotypical male.

I also realise that what consider non-binary and binary depends on each place. I have many
friends form many diffrent countrys and I also like traveling abroad to my naighbour countrys and somethimes I notice that there definitions of binary and non-binary is diffrent so if I say im non-binary in one place this defenition may change from another place. usunally I just say it as it is im trans, but I think the whole genderule thing is stupid so I try to ignore it.

so I try not to care too much about it.

Quote from: chance on September 07, 2014, 04:13:19 PM
Pianoforte,do have a link or name to look for one of those conferences?

There are several lists online. In the greater Seattle are we have Gender Odyssey in August and Esprit in May. This list has links to several conferences in various locations in the US:

http://transcentralpa.org/resources_conferences.htm

I can relate to this thread as well.

As for me, I'm going for a non-binary transition first, and then seeing how I feel. If I want to go fully male, I will.  Maybe in the future, how I feel about facial hair and other masculine traits will change. But if not, that's ok too.