Ok my dears lets try it again.  And thanks Jessica for locking the diverted thread per my request.

This one is for you all.....

For me its nails and sometimes boobs, with a male presentation.  And no apologies.

SJ.

From Luna

Very busy and exhausted with work right now, so won't be around much for next few weeks.

Quick reply:
Apparently I present quite andro these days, even though I'm fully dressed male.  Shaped brows, hair "long" for a conservative hairstyle - fringe is down just past my eyes, and facial changes from HRT.

I don't dress often.  At this point for me, there is no need - it doesn't add anything more or relieve anything.  When I do, it's from clinical curiosity to see whether or not things fit me better or not.

Social obligations have defined the limits of my transition.  (edited- SJ)  I believe the real question is am I content?  The answer is yes, (Edited-SJ).  I don't believe my presentation is a compromise - it is who I am at this point in time.

Taka:





Quote from: Satinjoy on Yesterday at 04:31:29 pm

How do we live true to ourselves in the outside world, with no peer pressure influencing our choices.  Is that not for the good of trans if there are no hindering circumstantial issues such as existing marrage and not turning it lesbian or gay?



oh well. while waiting for a mod to come by, i'll try to answer the original question.
we have offtracked a bit, out of concern for satinjoy, somehow ending up in a mess that none of us intended.
it would be good if we could learn something from this, rather than let it end what could become an interesting discussion.

i do not believe that trans is a cause. it is what we are, and within every minority, there are stronger and weaker individuals.
the cause is to create some place and acceptance for us all in this world. fighting for this cause should only be a voluntary choice.
not fighting for it, should be a choice that we all can understand. not fighting too hard for the sake of family, is an honorable choice.

living true to myself is difficult. peer pressure will never cease.
i'm not out as trans, it would only complicate matters which are in actuallity really simple.
instead, i present differently, on a quest to open minds to diversity.

i've gone through at least ten different hair colors. several different haircuts.
male clothing, female clothing, odd clothing. and unkempt presentation (some mornings i just can't find that hairbrush...)
people see me and judge me by my smile.
i look odd, but not ugly. most responses are "cool" or "refreshing".

many envy me this thing that they mistake as "courage".
in reality, i'm just too chicken to do anything more extreme quite yet.
i'm thinking, that changing slowly and carefully might be the better choice. people will get used to it, they expect something new any time.
letting them see the outside shange while the inside remains the same, will hopefully give them an opportunity to learn. to think twice, the next time they see womeone whom they might have judged by their looks at first glance.

but the most important thing i do to be true to myself, is to no longer fear slipping up once in a while.
i say weird things sometimes. things that sound off coming from what they perceive as a woman.
or what they think is a man. depends whether i'm online or offline.
i just let myself say things in the way that is natural for the me that is then and there.
i let myself be just a little more honest every day. to myself and to others.

in time, i will find the means to transition. it's difficult, because in my country, i'm not trans enough.
to me, the most important thing in being true to myself, has become to not give in to the system.
never believe how others say that things are supposed to be.
consider it, but find my own truth.
i will not pretend to be someone else to get a transition that i might not even want.
i will not lie in order to get closer to the one i want to present to the world.
lying would be defeat, the challenge is to live the truth that i know, resisting the tempation to take the easy way out.

Taka:

well, what can i say...
i have been in a place where i couldn't find balance, and i was there for over two years, i think.
it's difficult to describe the feeling i had, but it was mostly one of being several separate people.
it hurt, that this one and that one didn't have a place here or there.

it took time. a whole lot of time, to learn that all the parts of me are me, and that my body is my own, to be loved by me, not hated.
i really don't know how it happened, that i found a way to embrace myself. forgive but not forget. starting to look forward to the future.
but i was already falling apart by then. lost sight of any future, only hanging on by the thinnest thread for the sake of my daughter.

and it still took more heartbreak to gather myself. i split up, into tiny odd parts, switching back and forth with and without control.
it was harsh. i almost broke.
but with the help of good friends, i also pulled myself together and became one.

Sorry dear friends for the edits but this was needed for the good of trans.  I will not tolerate harm and misunderstanding to come to my loved ones, for any reason whatsoever.  I cannot take that pain.  You have no idea how sensitive I am and how deep my emotions run.

Please have fun with the thread now.

Now, on topic, and forward.

Blessings

SJ.

you've put my posts in the wrong order, but that doesn't really matter too much.

your, or should i say satinjoy's sensitivity, reminds me of those cute blue pixies from this mmo i used to play.
tiny, squishy little things that would heal their owner and his party once tamed, at the risk of attracting the mob's attention and falling to the ground from only one hit or two.

i hope to be back tomorrow with something more sensible to say. i managed to get inat least a few good posts before the full moon. that thing really messes up my moods, no wonder i felt weird when i woke up this morning. still being me, but my more sensitive side kind of left without even saying good bye.

I'm probably abysmally stupid and thick between the ears, but to me the title of this thread makes absolutely no sense and elicits no response in my brain, is there a question? Perhaps it it was put as a question.....

Emotional week and feeling knocked up on meds.

Simply put, does your visual presentation show who you are.

Quote from: Satinjoy on September 09, 2014, 04:21:41 PM
Simply put, does your visual presentation show who you are.

What you see in my avatar is exactly how I am in life so, YES! I now hold back no emotions, fears or happiness. The happy smiling and full of life woman you see is most definitely what was hidden all those dark days past. 

Quote from: Satinjoy on September 09, 2014, 04:21:41 PM
Emotional week and feeling knocked up on meds.

Simply put, does your visual presentation show who you are.

Oh, thanks hon, yes it does most of the time! There's a lot about my physiology that is not concealable so it makes no sense to try for any reason because at this point it would be like denying who I am to myself. So I make the best of my presentation with a mix of male and female, love female tops, T-shirts, tank tops and underthings, skinny jeans, all form fitting clingy stuff. I wear women's medium width uni-sex looking footwear, because I have narrow feet. Today I'm wearing mules, they are leather, have a rounded box toe and a low back, a very comfy foot bed. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable presenting as they wish to, as for me I'm not concerned about what others think, I'm more concerned in how I think of myself and I work at projecting a positive self image.

I'm on pretty much a limited budget, so I can't really have a wardrobe that I would like to see myself in.. If I could it would look mostly male, with a more formal look and more nice jewelry that would have meaning to me.. Black nails would be cool too....

Too often I feel like a 10% off discount advertisement for Wal Mart.. 

My public clothing style is very... goth/punk(?). Lots of black, pleather, tshirts and pants. My ideal public clothing style would be more feminine, skirts, stockings, corsets, tutus, different colors, etc. However, my weight is not optimal at the moment and I am currently working on losing it. Another issue is I still have my female chest and am not comfortable at all wearing female clothes in public with them still on my body. So most likely after losing enough weight to have top surgery and having recovered from top surgery, I will begin to wear my ideal public clothing, and only then, my true visual identity will be seen for the world. I'm excited and nervous at the same time!

"Simply put, does your visual presentation show who you are."

Simply put - Yes.  Now it gets more complicated. 

How I present has morphed over the past couple of years.  I was so uncomfortable looking and living as a man that as soon as I could I got pretty girly girl.  Frankly I looked pretty silly.  I'm amazed that I didn't get nastily clocked more, but this is Seattle, and life is pretty laissez-faire here socially.  After a year of silly, I kind of looked like a gay guy, again nobody paid much attention although I was pretty much sir.

These days I'm mostly andro-female, unless I find a really cute skirt and shoes.  I like looking feminine, I like looking ambiguously female, I like looking butch.  Depends on my mood, and even the time of day.  The point is, I am who I authentically am in each costume, I am me, full time, all the time.  My nails are painted, my eyes are made up, I'm wearing jeans and a sweater.  It is all real. I'm more girl than guy, but the guy still likes to hang around.  One thing for sure, he isn't the tight assed engineer I used to portray. 

Living authentically is not gender defined, and neither is self acceptance for me.  I am transitioning towards womanhood.  One day fairly soon, I have the surgery, and then spend most of my days doing dilation I suppose.  That is part of who I am, but not the Gestalt of Julie.  I am not particularly interested in the definition, I don't worry too much about pronouns, I am attracted to people of every gender and most orientations.  I am human and loving and loved.  That is plenty good enough.

Fair Winds,
Julie

My visual presentation is getting more queer as I move forward. I shaved the side of my head a couple of months back and immediately felt better. I may go full on tank girl and shave the rest of my head apart from the fringe. I like playing with it though, like dressing really androgynously but with super girly make up, and I'd totally rock a dress with a shaved head 

Quote from: Dread_Faery on September 11, 2014, 03:13:45 PM
My visual presentation is getting more queer as I move forward. I shaved the side of my head a couple of months back and immediately felt better. I may go full on tank girl and shave the rest of my head apart from the fringe. I like playing with it though, like dressing really androgynously but with super girly make up, and I'd totally rock a dress with a shaved head 

You'd rock just about anything you wore, just saying!

Quote from: JulieBlair on September 11, 2014, 12:15:22 PM
SJ
"feeling knocked up on meds"  So where do I get some of that s--t? 
j

My endo, but you'd have to travel a bit, and then get an accidental overdose of estrodial cypionate for a month and watch your levels rise to well over 500..... pregnancy levels my dear.  Never dreamed I could get knocked up by and endocrinologist LOL.

You'd have to enjoy plunging a 1 1/2 needle into your thigh every week.... and my heavens it is worth it to me.....

DF I need something shorter to call you, Dread maybe?  DF?  DreadFairy?  Let me know dear.    And have a blast with those looks.... 

We are all so different here but so very much alike. 

I have my annual BS session with the VA endocrinologist tomorrow at 0800. I'll be wearing my white baseball hat, hair all poofed and upswept on sides and back, black bra and black long sleeved super clingy unbuttoned Henley T, skinny jeans and my girly mules. It will be interesting to see all the he-male eye rolling. There will no doubt be some totally intimidated TS woman sitting there waiting who I will be able to chat with and offer encouragement to. 

Quote from: Satinjoy on September 11, 2014, 03:40:13 PM
  Never dreamed I could get knocked up by and endocrinologist LOL.

LMAO!!! This so made my day!!

Question, Did you get dinner and a movie first? 

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on September 11, 2014, 04:18:13 PM
LMAO!!! This so made my day!!

Question, Did you get dinner and a movie first? 

Apparently not, maybe I was the movie....

Can you go out and get me a peanut butter covered watermelon please?   Like NOW?   

I'll eat it and put the rinds under my blouse over the belly and take a walk on the wild side

And throw some squirrel mushrooms on top please

.......... oh dear.................   wheeeee.........

Have you thought about how rough the delivery will be?