Hi my name is skylar and I suffer from gender dysphoria (MTF). It's really bad to the point I just don't feel like getting out of bed and I do have a occasional thoughts of dying. I'm sort of in a bad position for such though as my family is extremely against transgendered people. My state isn't trans-friendly either (TN) so there aren't any protection policies available for me. I'm currently going to college which the people there I've met aren't very friendly so it's hard to make friends that even care. I also fear for my own safety when trying to talk to others about it. Most of the people haven't been very kind I've had a few that were but they tend to just cut me off.

The constant misgendering by family and people around me tears my little bit of self esteem down. I've tried to get a gender therapist but I don't have insurance and they are pretty expensive without insurance. It's really hard to get a job with no motivation or care to try anymore. I know I don't have it the worst, but it's getting to be too much for me to deal with. Is there anyway to deal with it? I already went through the legal name change process which helped for a short while.

I've also tried to look for support groups but the closest one I could find was over a 7 hr drive. So I figured I would at least try to ask on the forums. I appreciate any advice that can be given.

Skylar, I'll give you some things that helped me. But first, I need to raise the possibility of going to school in another state. The colleges around here (maryland) all have LGBT student support organizations and the local laws require them to be trans-friendly. Could you transfer?

Here are some things that helped me through the dark times in my life:
* I made a list of the things that I really love doing - things that nourish my soul. For me it was reading, listening to my favorite music, walks, and watching sports on TV. Then do those things as often as you have a chance.
* I looked for ways to bring joy in other people's lives. There are always lots of opportunities to volunteer in any community.
* I looked for people who accept me as I am. They're out there, even in Tennessee. If you don't find them where you live, consider pen pals. I've had a bunch of really wonderful skype/email/facebook friends over the years who always made me feel wonderful when I talk with them.
* Wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist.

I hope this helps. You're in a difficult situation. Give yourself credit for soldiering on when things seem bleak.

Unfortunately I'm bound here because of me getting assistance from the government for college. It's basically just a technical school I lack the money to move. I'm even unable to afford the cheap gender therapist (The resources are really lacking in my area). I did try to drown it out with activities I enjoyed before but I usually end up breaking down over it. That's also one of the reasons I refuse to look in mirrors or take pictures but it'll make me break down in a heart beat.

I've been trying to get a job but with the laws as mentioned earlier it becomes a issue with professionalism (IT tech). When it comes to things such as long hair or anything out of the ordinary. I never really get away from misgendering anywhere. I would just go to a place I can hang out alone but I live in the middle of no where. I also do love to help people but they usually end up tearing me down after so I kind of gave up on that.

I mainly have been having issues to figure out what to do next in this problem. I actually enjoy working it's just I'm running into a lot of issues when it comes to employment and available jobs.

I see a lot of my issues in your posts Skylar. *hugs* your not alone here hun. Sometimes we do get stuck, whether it be job, family, school such as yourself or many other reasons. I'm stuck too right now because I'm in a job where I can't afford to go to therapy and definitely can't transition. It's not easy and of course since nobody knows, they just keep doing things that trigger you! I did the same coping mechanism with a million activities every day, but I broke down too a couple months ago. It hit hard, my mind and body were just plain tired of fighting for lack of a better word. I still wake up a lot of days and I'm already just exhausted, just so tired of putting on the act. But the one great thing is I can always come here and talk to other girls about this stuff. It really is a wonderful site full of amazing people. I guess what I'm trying to say is this is a safe place to vent, and if you ever need a shoulder, just message me hun. I'll talk about whatever!:)

Usually when I'm triggered my whole day is ruined. I either become sad or angry sometimes both. Most often people wonder why I'm such a mean person. Lol (they don't know what the trans symbol means.) as I wear a trans necklace everywhere pretty much. (One person thought it meant free love. LOL) I usually use it as a safety net on who I know to tell. I believe support here will help and I mainly feel like I can't get out of this everytime I try it ends up bad. Even before the dysphoria kicked in I had severe social phobias.

I still also appreciate the support here and thanks RockerGirl. :3 I am thankfully for the few friends I do have (they aren't local) they tried to find me help but were unable to. The support just isn't here and it concerns me even more that recently a trans woman was shot and killed near where I live. It really scares me.

Yeah, I know that can happen. One trigger incident and the day just spirals down. The best way I cope with it is finding something I love so much so that no matter what triggered me I won't think about it. Music and running are my best escapes. Running is hard to do in the middle of the day so music saves my sanity most days lol. Most nights I end up here, helps me get through another day:)

I did find a way to get myself out of depression for a short time. It's a trans guy that is able to help with my problems I actually helped him out today too. I also listen to a lot of music myself it helps to a lesser extent lol. I also had a sort of good moment since I present as a guy still someone asked if I was a boy by chance or a girl. Lol which makes me feel better.

The people here seems very kind though like you RockerGirl! I've come to realize that transitioning alone is hard if not impossible. Dysphoria is definitely a hard thing to deal with. Lol

Yes it is tough, but it for easier for me when I found this site. Having other people around going through the same stuff that are kind, willing to listen, and help is just wonderful. That's great you have someone there you can talk to in person. Face to face interaction is great since you have more intimate bond. Music is a great refuge, I know my boss wants to burn all my headphones some days;D

Actually the person is over Facebook but nevertheless the support is great from him. Lol I was actually in a good enough mood to do job searches (I'm still terrified of finding a employer that will discriminate against me lol)

The one person that asked if I was a boy or a girl today was a hair stylist I asked for hair tips for a shorter style in hopes that I would have a better chance of getting a job here. But on other occasions people have asked at my school. Lol  I will definitely try my best to participate on this site though it's amazing.

I do know that games do help with dysphoria a slight bit depending of course. (Then again I'm a nerd lol)
Oh and cake I love cake. Cake helps a lot lol.

Games do help as they are an escape, plus you can always make your character how you want to. I do it too, in all my games I don't use my guy name and always choose a female character if possible. Having a job means you can save money for therapy and transition if you choose, so they are essential! Bit it can be tough to find one dealing with some of the problems we deal with. It took me forever but I finally found one where I can get myself to therapy soon. Plus I know you mentioned how tough it is in your state. You can always save money and move to somewhere more accepting:)

I mainly play fantasy games and thankfully I don't have to worry about my guy name outside of my house pretty much. :3 it's a pain to get the name change but it was soo worth it. A computer shop I contacted said they weren't hiring but they will need someone soon. (I will find out tomorrow.) as the owner wants to meet me. lol therapy wise I have found online therapist that specialize in transgender issues.

I think the only issue I would end up with is finding a doctor to handle the medicine. Of course that's only if I get the job. Lol which I'm qualified just not so much on paper. :3
I've also noticed my dysphoria is a lot worse when I'm tired. So I try my best to get the amount of sleep I need.