I was wondering if anyone had a recommendation for a stp or packer that will fully cover the fem bits if there is such a thing. My SO is male n the fact that w a regular packer things are still in evidence may be an issue when we get to that point

I imagine any funnel-shaped, realistic STP would do this, i.e. the Peecock, RM STP, Erotic creations and the FreeTom?

FreeTom looks very realistic. www.freetomprosthetics.com

Check out the reviews for FreeToM. Being realistic seems to be one of the only true positives going for it. The peecock would be a better option imo.