Quote from: Ianianian on September 03, 2014, 11:14:13 PM
Mom: [birthname], promise me that when you're a boy you won't ever rape anyone, okay?

Uh that's both funny and horrible :'D

My mom calls me by my preferred name and usually treats me as her son, but she has moments when she says things like "but what do people say when they find out you're not a real boy?" They didn't used to find out...

When sometimes we talk about trans stuff, I used to tell her about a few trans friends I have and she always messes up their gender. Like I say "he", mom always thinks I talk about someone who's MTF and vice versa.

Me: I was hanging out with my friend [name] and they are just so much fun.
Mom: Is [name] a girl or a boy?
Me: No. They're genderqueer.
Mom: But does she have a vagina or does he have a penis?!?!
Me: I haven't checked.
Mom: Is [name] gay?
Me: I don't know. Does it matter?

Some of this is a generational thing, but it's very interesting trying to explain non-binary identities and non-binary sexualities to my mother...

This thread makes me want to go hug each one of my family members and tell them I love them. I don't think I ever realized how lucky I am in this particular aspect of transition. All the family members I've come out to have been accepting, encouraging and understanding.

My initial goal with this thread was to talk about problems of misunderstanding and ignorance, but some of the downright intolerant responses (honestly those are probably mostly from ignorance too) are just heartbreaking.

And some are like, "yeah, I'm hurt but I'm not surprised."

on a positive note..

"You're much cuter as a boy"  - My mom on the day of my name change (dressed up nice for court)

GREAT thread BTW!

Oooh I have been told so many things by my two biggest detractors: my parents, these are just a few. Oh and BTW I am MTF

My mother says repeatedly these phrases:

"You are neither one thing nor the other"

"You are too big and strong to be a woman"

"Your aunts ask me about you, they say 'what's new with that big and muscular handsome manly boy of yours'? And i am embarrassed to answer them and tell them the truth about you, so I just say you are okay".

"I'll never think of you as a female or my daughter. You'll always be (male birthname) to me."

"Your breasts embarrass me. Please never wear any blouses showcasing your breasts in front of any of your relatives or me."

"How come you have no hair in your arms and they look so soft? A MAN isn't supposed to look like that, a man has to have hair in his arms and hands, you look weird".

"Please don't wear that hairdo when you go out, because you look like a woman, and that is not right"

"Please stop buying or accepting those female things you get or someone gets for you, that is not right, those are not things a man is supposed to wear".

"Please respect us as your parents and never wear those things with feminine colors".

"I have been very sick lately, couldn't sleep well, I felt like I was almost going to go to the hospital for an emergency, and it is because of you, what you are doing is killing me"

"God doesn't make mistakes, he made you the way he did for a reason, don't go against his wishes."

"I will NEVER call you (chosen woman's name) no matter what you do to your body or how you look. To me, you will always be MY SON and I will always treat you like that."

"(Crying) the other day at the grocery store, there was one person LIKE YOU, dressed in women's clothes, high heels, and people were criticizing him/her. I don't want you to be that person and that my friends tell me about that and make me feel embarrassed"

"I am embarrassed by the way you look. If you don't want to dress and look like a man, I prefer your not being involved in any family social gatherings, because I don't want to be embarrassed by you".

"This is not my fault at all, I'm sure it didn't happen when you were in my womb.  I gave birth a 100% healthy boy. You surely suffered something very shocking in your childhood, something you either don't want to tell us about or you don't even remember"

"You should have told us before you made that big mistake of having those procedures done, and most of all, you should have 'asked God' about that, if that was the most convenient thing to do, for you and us as well." --Note: how does one 'ask God' about any stuff at all? Through a priest? Yeah, right, nice try

"I fear going away anywhere on vacation because I know you can use that opportunity to do one of your unnatural alterations to your body, and you know that as long as you live under our roof you are not allowed to alter your "God-given" body in any way.

"I am sure it was that rock music you listen to, what has prompted you to do those unnatural things, and has negatively  affected all of us as a family. You let the demon enter our house by listening to that. Oh, and also your damn computer and the internet, who knows what ungodly things you do while you lock yourself inside your room with your computer on". -- Note: omg, hypocrisy at its best. what about her own use of her computer and Ipad to pry into other people's lives through Facebook and do whatever else she wants to do, without anybody scrutinizing her as she does me?

My father has told me this:

"You can't be a woman, look at you, it's impossible for you to be a woman, it's ridiculous, that's just pure nonsense, you are a man, you were born a man and that's all you will ever be".

"Did you hear that idiot? He/she called you "miss", what an a-hole! Is he/she blind, stupid or what? Why didn't you say anything to him/her and just giggled? What is wrong with these people? --This has happened way more than once BTW, but when I tell him that, he denies every single occurrence.

"Who the hell is that Harry Benjamin dude? I'm sure he invented a so-called "disorder" because he was a lunatic who belonged in a nut house and now you want to use his made up "condition" to justify this crazy idea of yours. If that was legitimate, I would have heard about that before. You have been brainwashed, you have no disorder, you are normal, don't believe anything that nut job or others like him have to say"

**********************************

And all of this is still happening, after more than five years of HRT, orchiectomy, tracheal shave and a bit of work in my face. They still see and treat me like the old big and manly me from my teen bodybuilding years, how about that???

This thread is so sad and so funny.

I don't think I want to ever talk to my mom about this, but I'm pretty sure she'd be proud of my being trans. She always encouraged creativity and nonconformity, and I'm sure she'd be delighted to have a son she could see as rebellious or brave even though she is a conservative christian.

My dad never says much to me, but I think he has come to terms with who I say I am. He sent me a football-shaped birthday card last year, which made me laugh. I've never been into sports, so my take on that is that football is just the most male thing he could think of and so that's his way of signaling acceptance.

mother: "Your shaved head makes you look like you're aggressive" - I had a buzz cut

father: "What have people said about your haircut?"

me: "I've gotten a lot of compliments"

father: "really?"

TW: Brief mention of coercive rape

The morning after the night I was coerced into sex:

Sister: "I can't believe you'd do that with just anyone."

Father: *Sigh* "I'm going to have to start treating you like a child again."

Mother: "It's not rape because you said yes."

Father: "Everyone has bad nights where they make mistakes they'd rather forget. Get over it."

My family's reaction hurt more and cut deeper than the event itself. The supposed flesh and blood who do everything in their power to protect you turn a blind eye to your suffering. What a joke(!)

/TW End

When I came out as transgender:

"This is another one of your obsessions. You thought you were a cat when you were little, then Ash Ketchum and Sailor Moon. Grow up!"

"It's a phase."

"You're living out a fantasy. Snap out of it."

"Get over it."

"The internet brainwashed you." (this one makes me forever lmao )

"Why can't you just be a lesbian/why can't you just stay a female?"

"Why can't you just get a breast reduction? If you lose weight, your breasts will become small enough to hide."

"Nobody will love a mutilated woman." "Nobody will love you and nobody will hire you. You will get beaten up and you will die alone." (These still hurt years later.)

"I have mother instincts and they are telling me deep inside that you are doing the wrong thing. I know you will do it, look back and ask me why I didn't try harder to stop you. You are not a boy - you are a girl."

"You will regret this."

"Men are known to be better drivers than women." (I struggled at learning to drive so apparently that makes me a woman)

"You are too feminine to be a boy."

"You don't have a penis."

"You don't have Androgenisation!" (despite having birth records that specifically state so)

"Girls don't get erections!"

"You weren't a tomboy when you were little."

"What kind of a name is Kain? *giggle* Do you want to be a candy cane?"

"You have stressed your mother out, she has been crying at night and worrying about you. She is smoking like a chimney because of you. If she gets sick, it will be all your fault."

"You are so selfish and immature."

(One of my exes) "I'm not calling you your male name until you get dick surgery."

(Relatives from Canada) "You need to get a career and a stable job before you have a sex change. You need to experience the real world. You should get a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a phase, you will grow up and get over it."

"You haven't had sex with the right person yet."

Regarding psychiatrists:

"They don't know you like (we, parents) do."

"You are only telling them what they want to hear."

"You have OCD." Psychiatrist tells them that my "obsessions" are a part of my personality and I don't have any obsessive compulsive behaviors. Afterwards, "They're so full of nonsense, they don't listen to us."

"They are rushing you. They are encouraging you to transition. It is wrong. You need to do it slowly." (How slowly? By your definition of slowly, you'd make sure it would never happen.)

"They don't get to the bottom of the issue. Please see this therapist I found."

The therapist she found doesn't believe in transgender individuals and asks intrusive questions about masturbation and sexual fantasies, thinking I have a sexual identity problem. Most of the sessions consisted of him trying to convince me that I am not a boy, that I am just a confused little girl who fantasizes about being a boy. Whenever I do affirm and correct him that I am, in fact, a boy, he gives me this look as if I am delusional or acting silly. I ended up having a mental breakdown after one of the sessions, only to have my mother tell me,

"He is helping you get to the bottom of the issue. This is good! Keep seeing him so you will get better." More like, "Keep seeing him so you snap out of this silly phase and go back to being my daughter again."

And this is why I fear the idea of coming out to my family as non-binary. I know I will be yelled at and told that they "told me so." They will assume I regret transitioning and that the psychiatrist was wrong in letting me transition. That's why I won't come out because it's not worth the effort to correct them when they will believe what they want to believe.   

I just told one of grandparents about me. Her comment: "what does the LORD say?"

Me: "mamaw, I'm not sure. I don't think the bible says anything."

Grandmother: "Well, if The Lord says nothing I won't neither."

Me: "thanks, mamaw"

Grandmother: "well, don't thank me. If The Lord really is Christ almighty, he won't care. "

Nice for her say considering she knows I'm atheist. I appreciate the thought though.

After finding out that I had transitioned, changed my name, etc. my father and mother staged an intervention. They presented me with various arguments most of which weren't pretty or amusing, but here is one that I rather liked...

(please note they seem to confuse being trans with being gay for some reason, that's not me!)

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

Quote from: bibilinda on September 11, 2014, 10:45:59 PM
"How come you have no hair in your arms and they look so soft? A MAN isn't supposed to look like that, a man has to have hair in his arms and hands, you look weird".

I have the same type problem...or, I guess, the opposite of that situation.

"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM
After finding out that I had transitioned, changed my name, etc. my father and mother staged an intervention. They presented me with various arguments most of which weren't pretty or amusing, but here is one that I rather liked...

(please note they seem to confuse being trans with being gay for some reason, that's not me!)

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

Oh my god! They know the secret of the bow ties!



Thanks for sharing. That made me laugh so hard.

Wait, was your brother in the room when they said that? Did you tell him about it later? What was his reaction?

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM
"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

You should!  That's obviously an important warning sign!   

I have a Slytherin bow tie, so is that what gives me away as "butch lesbian"? xDD

My parents always said to "Never trust a man in a bow tie."

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

LOL   To avoid having to get into the nitty gritty of transition (and I figured anyone who REALLY wanted to know could google it themselves),  I told people that when you transitioned you grew a penis. Which is true.  I left out the part that the plumbing isn't hooked up and didn't mention testicles...  That satisfied a lot of people's curiosity.

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on September 12, 2014, 09:21:25 AM

"You can't be gay, we wouldn't have minded if your brother was gay, we would have expected it more because he used to wear bow ties"
-- I am still baffled by this one as is everyone who I have asked about it. Nobody else seems to have been made aware of the secret "bow tie" sign of the homosexual and transgender person. I should let the Gender Clinic know so that they can add this onto their diagnostic form.

well...
there's a cultural difference revealed! Here in Canada, it is the ascot that is the glaring tell... so much for homogeneity in the Commonwealth.

Last thing my mom said to me was, " there is something is wrong with you"

Quote from: Pikachu on September 12, 2014, 09:32:47 AM
Oh my god! They know the secret of the bow ties!



Thanks for sharing. That made me laugh so hard.

Wait, was your brother in the room when they said that? Did you tell him about it later? What was his reaction?

No my brother wasn't there. He disowned me as soon as he was told. My parents don't talk to me anymore either, so not much chance of anymore wisdom from them.

Today my dad told me that if I get top surgery one day it might cause breast cancer.

I'm not even sure what kind of logic that is. 

Dad: There seems to be a lot of this gender bending stuff going on at the moment.

I should explain, my dad is a devout Daily Mail reader (like Fox news for the british)