I am not going to argue over terminology, if you do not like it fine, but don't gripe at me for using terminology which is common within the trans community itself, and that many of us do not have a problem with. The terminology is not about putting people in a nongender category. I could argue about this endlessly but I won't.
Also with regards to trans activist, both men and women, all that I have met are passable. If one thing bothers me the most it is the stereotype of transactivist as T-Girls or non-passing transwomen. When neither is the case. I get significantly more exposed to trans-activist than most people being in DC. The whole unpassable thing is a myth, and probably one of the worst myths around.
This seems to be a stereotype perpetuated by the advocates of stealth that seems not to die, is that the activist are by in large non-passing older transwomen, when everybody that I know of as an activist that is far from the case. Most activist are men and women in their twenties and early thirties who deeply believe in civil rights, and passing is not an issue for any of them. These are not people forced into an activist role because of the burden of not passing, no, rather the activist I know are people who do activism because they have an idealistic mindset and came of age in an era where being closeted is not seen as a necessity. So the stereotype of the older, nonpassing woman who has to deal with injustice daily, well...that is not really the activist I know. The activist I know are diverse group of civil rights types.
I will say one of the big differences between the activist and the stealth types. The activist have much less a sense of shame than the stealth types, both during transition and after transition. The shame or denial from being trans does not really seem to exist for those who tend to fight for their civil rights. They are not or no longer ashamed for who they are so they see no reason to seek out stealth. It seems for the stealth types that shame never goes away, and for some there is a type of internalized trans phobia on their own part. Plus it requires, not pride, but a level of personal comfort for one to speak with authority on a given issue on civil rights issues. It is also the knowledge that the societal sense of shame that is trying to be enforced upon transpeople is wrong, and its part of why these people are activist, to fight against these attitudes which perpetuate the shame of one being trans. One must literally not be ashamed about their unique set of circumstances if they are to be an activist, because in a way you are fighting against this sense of shame. That seems to be nonexistant with the stealth types, it may also be why they gripe about it when terms like transwoman are used, even when those who are probably most for equal respect, and those who FIGHT for it, use the term themselves. While the stealth types complain about the use of the term, stereotype those who are actually doing the civil rights work (in an internalized transphobic way) and generally retain their own sense of shame without gaining a greater sense of understanding. I don't like the stealth types who are like this, largely because they complain about terminology and stereotype those who are involved, without really making real connections regarding these issues. I largely have this opinion through those I have encountered in my own life, but also on the web.
The term is not about the concept of a third sex by the way. It is about putting something in a context that is easy to describe. You may hate the term, but do not go after other people for using it. I know other people who I hate the term as well. They are mostly younger and do not have a complex enough understanding of why the term is used by those in the trans community who are activist. So you know, I will keep using the term, it may bother you, but its common terminology and until there is better terminology to describe somebody who is a transsexual woman or transsexual man, that is needed to be used to distinguish in the use of circumstantial specific language, I will use it. I prefer it to MtF of FtM significantly, because it describes their gender identity in the shorthand and not their past sex. As I see it transwoman, means woman, who happened to transition. Trans means someone who is or has transitioned in my mind. The reason why I don't mind the term is because it does not imply a third sex, rather that it implies transitional or transsexual. If you think it implies a third sex, you are mistaken.
Also I agree with the transmen thing, they are by in large underrepresented in the media.
Sorry if you do not like the term it is your own problem, but certain terms have certain meanings to certain people. Like it or not, I am going to use it.