Quote from: ReubenIsTheName on September 12, 2014, 09:30:43 AM
I have the same type problem...or, I guess, the opposite of that situation.

"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

My mom tells me that all the time about my arms and legs. Either that or wear long sleeve shirts and pants.

Quote from: ReubenIsTheName on September 12, 2014, 09:30:43 AM
"Shave your underarms and legs!  You're an American woman, not a nasty, hairy European woman!"

As a european woman I resent that stereotype!

Quote from: bibilinda on September 11, 2014, 10:45:59 PM

And all of this is still happening, after more than five years of HRT, orchiectomy, tracheal shave and a bit of work in my face. They still see and treat me like the old big and manly me from my teen bodybuilding years, how about that???

And you are still in contact with them? You have the patience of a Saint!

My mom told me i have a dark and bad heart for being a girl .

And once she told me that all peoples would see about me is someone who disguise itself to rape childrens

,I cryed and asked her if she realize what she says and said but that its the truth.

And many mores like i m ruining my life  and somes i dont really remenber .

My father told i m a schyzophrenic but not in front of me.

I'm happy to say my mother and step father have been supportive since day one. My father on the other hand, he's said some pretty nasty things. This was one of the last conversation I had with my father about a year ago after I came out to him:

Father: I know you were born this way, but you've lived 40 years as a male, you can suck it up and be a man and go back into the closet where you belong for another 40 years.

Me: So let me get this straight, you want me to go back in the closet life a unhappy and unfulfilled life because you can't deal with having a transgender daughter.

Father: You will always be "my son" and I love you, but no good will come of this. You'll loose your family, your friends, your business (my wife and I own a computer software company that does consulting and customization) and you marriage.

(He already knew my wife was accepting and pansexual before he said that. He had a conversation with my wife just before this privately teller her to woman up and keep me straight, making my wife cry.)

Me: Well Dad, I have nothing else to say but your wrong. I know you think your doing what's best for me, but you just plain wrong.

Father: All you are doing is being "self-serving" and again no good will come from going down this path. I pray for you.

Me: I'm sorry you feel this way. I see that you've made up your mind now and I might as well talk to that wall over there. My wife and and I are going now (we were leaving anyway from visiting him and left the restaurant heading to my wife's parents for a visit) I have to do what is best for me, and not what is best for you. This is something my wife also agrees with. I hope that someday you will see how wrong you are about this and accept me for who I am and not what you want me to be.

Father: I will always love you.

Me: I will to.


And we hugged and left and my wife and I decided not to tell her parents on that trip and we did end up telling them in January and that at first were non-supportive, but have come around and have been very accepting.

Since that day, I've left him two voicemails, sent him two E-MAILs and a hand written letter with no response. My letters were strong, but very positive. My last one (on Father's Day) I told him how non of the things he predicted came true. My marriage is stronger than ever. I didn't loose a single friend. The only family I lost was him, his 3rd wife, and two of his 3 sisters (all southern baptist). His other sister and I are close on Facebook and her husband (who was best friends with my father in high school) had a conversation with my father telling him how wrong he is about this. My letter stated how we didn't loose a single customer and things have been going well since going full time in March.

Since then, he started a FB account and added my brother, but blocked me and my wife. He didn't even bother to call or anything for my birthday in July. Maybe one day he will come around, but the way I see it, it's all on him now and it's his lose at this point.

Quote from: Sosophia on September 18, 2014, 03:48:17 PM
My mom told me i have a dark and bad heart for being a girl .

And once she told me that all peoples would see about me is someone who disguise itself to rape childrens

,I cryed and asked her if she realize what she says and said but that its the truth.

And many mores like i m ruining my life  and somes i dont really remenber .

My father told i m a schyzophrenic but not in front of me.

They are wrong.....
Hugs

My father's greatest hits:
-You're too short. All men under 6 feet tall are treated like ->-bleeped-<- and women don't want them.
-No one will take you seriously.
-You'll never get a job.
-You'll never pass. You'll just look like a very ugly, hairy butch-lesbian.
-You'll die alone. No one will want you.
-What are you now? A he-she? It? (He said this in front of people when he was introducing me to them.)
-Come here, ->-bleeped-<-. (When he forgot my chosen name. He thought it was funny.)
-You can't be a man. You had anorexia. There's nothing girlier than that. (Even though he has an eating disorder.)
-You look like a girl. You sound like a girl. You're a girl. Sorry, that's biology.
-I want grandkids.
-You'll always be my daughter.
-It's like you've killed my little girl. You're ruining my life.
-People will just laugh at you.
-You'd better be able to defend yourself in a fight. Men fight all the time, and when they look at you they'll want nothing more than to beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of you.
-You're so pretty. Don't ruin that.
-Why can't you just be normal? Why do you have to make my life so hard.

Everything he says basically sounds exactly like the doubt within me that makes it impossible to sleep.

But, the worst of all came from my grandmother, who was the one person I thought loved me unconditionally.
-Wait until I'm dead to mutilate your body.

My mother? She simply stopped sending me 'happy birthday' texts and didn't even try to invite me over for Christmas. She's very religious and she's always hated me, so I can almost excuse that. But, in my father's case, not only is he an atheist, but he's always patted himself on the back for being a "tolerant" liberal. I expected acceptance from him because of his liberal leanings, and that is where I went wrong.

The only person who has supported me 100% through all this is my best friend. My brother has also come around a bit after 3 years and has even told me that he thinks my father's transphobia is a bit extreme (even though he doesn't really believe in homophobia, feminism, transphobia, and calls me a "reverse racist" when I call my white father out on his problematic ->-bleeped-<- etc. because he's a rebellious youth in a liberal family). 

I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ... 

Quote from: sebster on September 18, 2014, 07:48:25 PM
-You'd better be able to defend yourself in a fight. Men fight all the time, and when they look at you they'll want nothing more than to beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of you.

Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  )

Quote from: JHeron on September 18, 2014, 08:02:48 PM
I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ... 

How awful! (At least she used his chosen name, I guess.  )

Quote from: Hex on August 31, 2014, 07:54:27 PM
The line still makes me cringe. Talking to my dad one day about 3 months ago and he says," But you can't be a man without a penis"
*facedesks*

Does your dad not realize that a clitoris is stemmed from the same thing as a penis or should I say vice versa. Testostrone just made everyone other guys bigger.

Quote from: sebster on September 18, 2014, 07:48:25 PM
-Come here, ->-bleeped-<-. (When he forgot my chosen name. He thought it was funny.)

My dad once introduced me to someone like "And he's my son who was born a girl". He also thought it's funny.
Dude, you got a lot of ->-bleeped-<- from your dad. I hope things will get better for you!

Well, if your father does say that he thinks you've killed his "little girl", maybe you could remind him that you're still alive and that he's got a choice between a dead little girl and a little boy who is alive and well. I've tried it with my father, but honestly, he's just so deluded that he won't acknowledge that I am a person who has attempted suicide in the past. He didn't even acknowledge that I had eating issues when I was 70lbs and blacking out all the time. Assuming your dad is more rational and less hateful than mine, I don't think he'll believe that you killed anyone for long. Parents say stuff like that before they've had time to process it. My grandmother came around eventually and so did the rest of my family. I think my parents are special cases because one is an ass and the other is a mentally ill religious fanatic. I'm pretty sure that your dad will still love you. I do suggest, however, that you write him a letter before going away to stay with a friend for a week end first. That way he'll have some time to cool down before he says anything he'll regret.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on September 18, 2014, 08:11:59 PM
Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  )

I want to punch your dad in the face for you.

Quote from: Jared on September 19, 2014, 11:52:57 AM
My dad once introduced me to someone like "And he's my son who was born a girl". He also thought it's funny.
Dude, you got a lot of ->-bleeped-<- from your dad. I hope things will get better for you!

First of all, glad your mother is using Tim's name. That's a good sign.

Second of all, I'm pretty sure her attitude about trans people will change when she realizes that you are trans. It's like those republicans who campaign for hate against LGBT people, but then suddenly do a complete turn around when one of their kids comes out as gay. Assuming that your mother is a rational person, she should come around eventually, even if she doesn't immediately go out and buy you 20 packers. Most of my trans friends have gotten the most ->-bleeped-<- from their fathers but there's something about the mother's bond that makes them more willing to accept their kids 100%. (I can't really comment on the bond from personal experience, but my mother is mentally ill.)

Thirdly, you look exactly like my brother. If her mother's intuition doesn't tell her that you're some sort of queer, then at least she'll be able to look at you and say... "Why didn't I ever notice how handsome he is?" If I looked like you, I think my parents would have more readily accepted my prospects as a transman. You're going to have no trouble once you start dating. I'm jealous!

Quote from: JHeron on September 18, 2014, 08:02:48 PM
I'm nowhere near out.. My only family member is my mother and I love her death she's only reason I'm not transitioning right now cause I know it'd destroy her. So one of my good friends is transitioning right now let's call him Tim tim had a girls name and now goes by Tim my mom and I were laughing having fun time idk me being gay comes up and I say "well it could always be worse" and she goes "yeah you could be like Tim haha" and makes this like disgusted face ...

Sebster- Thanks for the dating comment that was my confidence booster of the day lol. I've seen some comments agreeing with you that at least she used Tims name which you could say say that but honestly it was as a joke like the entire time she she was flailing about making faces kinda like the way a jock makes fun of a "->-bleeped-<-got" in the old school movies. I don't speak to my father so that's not a problem but when I first was outed as a lesbian in hs and I started dressing like I wanted to it was non stop hate comments man always "you know I gave birth to a girl not a boy"  "the doctor said it's a girl FYI" "you look like you have a penis with those pants is that what you want!?"  "You're wasting being such a pretty girl" "most girls here are ugly and fat and you you don't use what you got!" So...   Doubt it but thanks :]
Also the I look like your brother that's funny cause I got told I look more androg than cismale but then again maybe your brother might just be an androg cis guy? Haha either way that's cool man I wish I had siblings

Quote from: sebster on September 19, 2014, 05:54:19 PM
Well, if your father does say that he thinks you've killed his "little girl", maybe you could remind him that you're still alive and that he's got a choice between a dead little girl and a little boy who is alive and well. I've tried it with my father, but honestly, he's just so deluded that he won't acknowledge that I am a person who has attempted suicide in the past. He didn't even acknowledge that I had eating issues when I was 70lbs and blacking out all the time. Assuming your dad is more rational and less hateful than mine, I don't think he'll believe that you killed anyone for long. Parents say stuff like that before they've had time to process it. My grandmother came around eventually and so did the rest of my family. I think my parents are special cases because one is an ass and the other is a mentally ill religious fanatic. I'm pretty sure that your dad will still love you. I do suggest, however, that you write him a letter before going away to stay with a friend for a week end first. That way he'll have some time to cool down before he says anything he'll regret.

Quote from: littleredrobinhood on September 18, 2014, 08:11:59 PM
Whoa, holy cow! Who say's that to their kid?? Yeesh!

Your Dad sounds like he's basically tried everything in the book.  Insulting your appearance, telling you no one will love you, pointing out reasons why you can't be a man, making you feel ashamed, making you feel like you're being selfish.. #1 Dad, right there.

(I'm not out, but the line I'm particularly afraid of hearing - especially from my father - is the "It's like you've killed my little girl".  )

.     
After a while though if you believe you're better off without him or his negativity you got to let him go for yourself honestly. My father never did anything for me hell I wasnt a cutter but I did once for a very specific reason not any trend following sh283t and the bastard would put knifes in my hands when the school would call and say stuff like "if you're gonna cut just do it all the way up and kill yourself""this is what u do? Shoulda let you rot in (country we're from) so needless to say not a relationship there at so not worth saving but if yours is maybe with time he'll come around.

Yeah, I get the same "you're wasting what you've got" ->-bleeped-<- all the time. I just got a lip piercing this week, and you should have seen my dad's face. I'm seeing my mother for the first time in forever this week end. I got it just for her. I can't wait to see the look on her face. Your parents and my parents can go ->-bleeped-<- each other with cacti.

I was always an extreme tomboy, and my mother always said stuff like "you know you're a girl, right?" and "why are you trying so hard to make yourself ugly?"

->-bleeped-<- her. ->-bleeped-<- your mother. ->-bleeped-<- our fathers. They don't deserve us. We should find new parents.

*clears throat* Are there any transmums and dads here who would be willing to take in some boys with ->-bleeped-<-ty parents?

Quote from: JHeron on September 19, 2014, 07:32:25 PM
Sebster- Thanks for the dating comment that was my confidence booster of the day lol. I've seen some comments agreeing with you that at least she used Tims name which you could say say that but honestly it was as a joke like the entire time she she was flailing about making faces kinda like the way a jock makes fun of a "->-bleeped-<-got" in the old school movies. I don't speak to my father so that's not a problem but when I first was outed as a lesbian in hs and I started dressing like I wanted to it was non stop hate comments man always "you know I gave birth to a girl not a boy"  "the doctor said it's a girl FYI" "you look like you have a penis with those pants is that what you want!?"  "You're wasting being such a pretty girl" "most girls here are ugly and fat and you you don't use what you got!" So...   Doubt it but thanks :]
Also the I look like your brother that's funny cause I got told I look more androg than cismale but then again maybe your brother might just be an androg cis guy? Haha either way that's cool man I wish I had siblings

By the way--- this is off topic but I can't figure out how to send PMs because I'm sleep deprived--- are you mixed? You look mixed. Sorry if that's a weird question, but I get excited when I see my mixed brethren.

Now, back on topic: Don't you just love when parents say something really hurtful to you and then turn around and say that they're just trying to protect you. For example: "You're so fat. No one is going to want you. I'm only telling you this because I care."

Quote from: JHeron on September 19, 2014, 07:41:31 PM
.     
After a while though if you believe you're better off without him or his negativity you got to let him go for yourself honestly. My father never did anything for me hell I wasnt a cutter but I did once for a very specific reason not any trend following sh283t and the bastard would put knifes in my hands when the school would call and say stuff like "if you're gonna cut just do it all the way up and kill yourself""this is what u do? Shoulda let you rot in (country we're from) so needless to say not a relationship there at so not worth saving but if yours is maybe with time he'll come around.

Just the other day my mom said:

"but what if I'M the one that has to go to therapy to accept your transition"

Then, she SHOULD go to therapy. Maybe she'll get over herself then.

Quote from: InstantRamen on September 19, 2014, 08:22:21 PM
Just the other day my mom said:

"but what if I'M the one that has to go to therapy to accept your transition"