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How does one not offend co-workers!?

Started by saramarie, September 20, 2014, 09:25:57 PM

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saramarie

A broad question for everyone needing this answer. ???
In your opinion/ Experience....

During Transition, How does one not offend others? Meaning, Not completely shock others. I and ??? I suppose at least one other person
would never ever wish to.

The body, Voice heck the entire person in transition will change dramatically over the course of a few years. Heck the lucky ones get up and running in only 2 years.

So what should one do..... Note: not every person has a job which can move them around ex. Service industry Et. Cetera
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Ms Grace

Hi! Not really sure what you are asking here. One thing you have to understand is that transition is you becoming yourself, there is nothing offensive about it. If people choose to be offended then that is their problem. Admittedly they can make it your problem by being stupid and insensitive and rude and disrespectful towards you but that is when you need to get HR to step in. As for the process of transition itself, I think you'll find that many people go through many changes whilst still presenting as their natal gender and then at a certain point arrange for a full change at work where they then fully from that day forward present as their identified gender. Most changes are so slow that most people never notice them anyway, even breast growth.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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LordKAT

I work in the service industry, it was a non issue for the most part. It more depends on whether our company will back you or not. If individual people don't care for the changes you are going through, they aren't worth paying attention to.
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suzifrommd

You cannot control whether people are offended. That's their choice, right?

You can control how you react to them. Respond to all inquiries gently, politely, and respectfully. If someone misgenders you, unless you're sure it was on purpose, assume it was an accident and calmly correct them.

And hold your head up high. Transgender is not something to be ashamed of. Be proud of who you are and proud of accepting the challenge to transition.

If you have the stomach for it, you can make some sort of announcement, or have your management do it, saying that you're transgender and will be transitioning. That's what I did, and it smoothed the way a bit.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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JoanneB

This is a topic very near and dear to my heart for a while now as thoughts of being/going full-time are more real. However, in my case, I wouldn't call it "Offend", it is "Shock". There is no gradual changing over time for me. At six feet tall, balding since I was 14, big boned, deep voice, etc., etc, etc., presentation is mostly an all or nothing affair. Personality is far different story. That certainly has evolved over the years.  When I showed up for my TG groups TDOR event in DRAB the only person that knew it was me was the group moderator whom I've seen many times before outside of group.

Presenting at work as Joanne will be a shock for everyone short of a few, if any, enlightened people. As an engineer I work  with just about every class of employee there from management to the assembly folks. I fully expect a large amount of respect I have earned over the years to vanish, and not just from loss of "male privilege".

While there is a chance someone may be offended by my life choice, that is just the cold hard reality we all live with every day of our lives. Perhaps a big part of the drive to be totally stealth. I spent 50 years doing everything possible NOT to offend others which over that time slowly rotted away my soul. I pray that if/when a time comes I feel I need to be full-time that the large amount of respect I have in the eyes of my coworkers will help enable them to get over that shock, especially as they experience a fully genuine me. 
.          (Pile Driver)  
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                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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Megumi

You are going to offend some people no matter what you do when you come out. In many cases it will be the people who feel like you are pushing the "Gay agenda" on them what ever that agenda actually is let alone if it really even exists. It's their own fears that will drive their fears to feel like they've been offended and it's their crap so let them keep it. You need to be who you feel you are and it's as simple as that. 

I work in a factory in the DEEEP south and while I have offended some people by transitioning in the work place they have no choice but to get over it. I'm not running around looking like a drag queen or being overly effeminate or insert what ever fear people have of transgender Women stereotype is out there might be. I'm just being me and dressing no different from any of the other women at work and half the people there accepted me right off the bat and were using the right pronouns on the very first day. There have been some who are so offended by me being myself and succeeding that they actually try to ignore my existence. I can say Hi to them in the hall's and they will look the other way and not talk back and a few have walked right into a stationary object.

We are working professionals and should be able to act that way. I don't agree with many things that people do but I don't treat them any different than I do the people who do things that I agree with, it's called mutual respect and this should be taught from the top management down to the newest low level employee. We are a second family whether we like each other or not.

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Mark3

Also, perhaps check the rule book(whatever its called?) At your work and check its discrimination policy, make sure they will support you, maybe even go into HR and ask someone, they usually have a policy and not allow your transition to effect your job...?
That might take some of the worry away, and give you some added confidence....
Please don't hesitate becoming your true self, the feeling you will have when you have transitioned, and the new supportive friends you'll likely meet will be wonderful I'm sure...
"The soul is beyond male and female as it is beyond life and death."
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zoe91

TBH this is a preoccupation of mine since I am not yet fulltime. The conclusion I've come to though is that the big shock will be calling me Emma and using female pronouns. Beyond that I don't think there's much more I can do to shock them! I've been growing my hair out so will also start styling it in a feminine way. With all this going on I can't imagine that wearing a skirt will send them over the edge. Still I think I will stick to women's trousers and tops that hide my boobs for a while. That's probably more about me feeling comfortable though. For my colleagues the shock is that someone they have known for years IS transitioning. However I would absolutely hate for this to make you feel bad. It's a big change that is all but it can be a wonderful one. That's how I want to approach it.
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May

#8
I am a superintendent in civil construction and am still quite a ways from going full time (MTF).  One thing that worries me is not only do I have a large crew working directly under me, but I also work closely with subcontractors and owner reps. I know my company values me as they have proven this.  But can't fight the fear that they will be concerned with there owner relations/ perceptions.  Not that I can control that but I do love my work and at this point would like to continue my career path (all be it difficult), but can't help but seeing this as an issue that will eventually come back to bite me. Has any one else dealt with this?

P.S. I hope I'm not hijacking this thread but felt it relevant.

Love May


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