http://www.danoah.com/2014/09/a-friend-no-longer-worth-knowing.html

I came across this today. I know it is big for me with respect to transition and I decided to post it here should it help someone else.

For me, I had that toxic inner voice as well as some people I mistakenly thought to be friends who, when I had a success or found reasons to be happy with having had SRS, would take the opportunity to be dismissive and cut me down. I realized that the two were inexorably linked; that the external ones were giving the internal toxic voice more ammunition to keep me being miserable, and that getting ride of those people I mistakenly believed to be friends was the first of many steps in making myself better.

So right on! That's why I bulldoze all those "associates" out of my own life because they are only hanger's-on looking for a good time and perhaps a big joke at my expense. Real friends love unconditionally, are kind and enjoy our company regardless of what it may cost them in criticism from their own gaggle of "associates" and hangers-on.

Wow, I was really emotional when I read the end. I know Peter well.

I love this blog! The author posts some real gems.

I think I am "Peter", and I have an opposite "friend". He's been screaming for my attention for a long time.

Thanks for sharing. I'll have to save this.

i had a different kind of experience where i had to make up with my past me, tell her i wasn't angry with her and that she can rest in peace now.

Oh, this could not have been posted more timely than at this very moment... Wow.

..woah, that ending:  suckerpunch much? 

And yeh, very appropriate article hun.  Very appropriate indeed.

There's too much hatred in the world these days.  Our own inner-sanctums are certainly not immune to it either.  In recent years I've taken to only putting out love, affection and positivity.  It's kinda of an adaptation of the old phrase "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".  No matter how angry or upset I am about something, I always try to find an angle to approach it from where I can show love.  And on the rare occasion I can't, I just walk away and say nothing, because saying nothing is always better than saying hatred or negativity.

And you know what I've found?  My own internal thoughts have gotten so much lighter in turn.  Like Peter here, I was a really happy child and put out endless positivity into the world. Also like Peter, bullying and prejudice in high school sent me spiraling into darkness and negativity for many years.  I would be argumentative, constantly negative about everything my loved ones around me were doing, and generally disengaged from life.  Oddly, it was a silly and forgettable (but at the time, rather intense) argument on an internet forum that, for whatever reason, triggered my brain into thinking "hang on a second, what the *HELL* am I doing?!  This is all wrong!".  I already had the tools to deal with it too, because they're the same toolset you need to deal with panic attacks, which I'd started suffering from just a year earlier (maybe that's what helped made me realise lol).

That's why around here you always see me trying to be as positive and happy as possible.  It's not that I'm hiding negativity (that's always a dangerous thing because it needs to come out somewhere), but rather I'm transforming it into positivity and love.  That's why I always put this (or soe similar variant) into my posts:

<3 *hugs* <3

And it's not just something I mindlessly repeat - I really mean it, and I actually always take a moment to imagine myself going around to each and every one of you and giving you a strong, loving hug

Love you all, and love each other.  By doing so, it's very easy to end up loving yourself.  Trust me - I've become a bit of an expert!

<3 *hugs2UAll* <3

Quote from: KiraD on September 25, 2014, 03:57:11 PM
It's not that I'm hiding negativity (that's always a dangerous thing because it needs to come out somewhere), but rather I'm transforming it into positivity and love.

Oh yeah! The former friend who insisted that my "negativity" was the reason her BA surgeon refused me as a patient (it was actually that she hid that she was trans from him and I didn't) was the sort to be that side of the toxic voice. If anyone of her friends were down, having a rough time, etc., she would be quick to criticize them for being so negative. It was due to that situation that I realized the negative emotions do have value and the key is finding a healthy relationship with them.

Quote from: Agent_J on September 25, 2014, 05:41:30 PM
Oh yeah! The former friend who insisted that my "negativity" was the reason her BA surgeon refused me as a patient (it was actually that she hid that she was trans from him and I didn't) was the sort to be that side of the toxic voice. If anyone of her friends were down, having a rough time, etc., she would be quick to criticize them for being so negative. It was due to that situation that I realized the negative emotions do have value and the key is finding a healthy relationship with them.

You had a BA surgeon refuse you as a patient soley because your trans?

Ally

Quote from: Allyda on September 25, 2014, 08:49:30 PM
You had a BA surgeon refuse you as a patient soley because your trans?

Correct. More specifically, his office staff gave me the refusal (I never actually got to speak to him.) The stated reason was "because of the hormones." I did inquire further but they just kept repeating that point. Also, when I asked what changed that they no longer accepted trans patients as they did previously perform BA on ones they asserted that "we do not feel those patients had good results." Surprising, considering one of those patients referred me and sings the surgeon's praises (though it appears she did not disclose to him that she is trans.)

Excellent article.  That friend he describes is that same toxic inner voice.  I over analyze just about everything.  When too much thinking begins, my emotions change and bog me down, start feeling down and this nearly always leads to substation self-doubt.  Even this morning I heard the voice again "when you transition you won't be pretty.  why transition? who wants to see an ugly woman?"   

Goodbye friend.  Wish I never knew your voice.

Quote from: michelle1 on September 26, 2014, 12:32:10 PM
Excellent article.  That friend he describes is that same toxic inner voice.  I over analyze just about everything.  When too much thinking begins, my emotions change and bog me down, start feeling down and this nearly always leads to substation self-doubt.  Even this morning I heard the voice again "when you transition you won't be pretty.  why transition? who wants to see an ugly woman?"   

Goodbye friend.  Wish I never knew your voice.

I think we all hear that one!

Quote from: michelle1 on September 26, 2014, 12:32:10 PM
Excellent article.  That friend he describes is that same toxic inner voice.  I over analyze just about everything.  When too much thinking begins, my emotions change and bog me down, start feeling down and this nearly always leads to substation self-doubt.  Even this morning I heard the voice again "when you transition you won't be pretty.  why transition? who wants to see an ugly woman?"   

Goodbye friend.  Wish I never knew your voice.

I know that voice well. It whispers to me in my sleep; it hisses at me when I'm awake. Sometimes it's loud and insistent, other times it's a sibilant whisper but it never completely goes away. I hope I can rid myself of it entirely one day, this voice which has mocked my accomplishments and turned happiness into the taste of ash but I haven't managed to do so yet.